Making Out Is A Bad Idea Even Though It’s Not Condemned

by Yvonne Chase on October 1, 2018

It’s A Bad Idea
Five years ago, I wrote a post titled Should We Be Making Out? directed at Christian singles. We all know what making out is right? For those of you that don’t, it involves passionate kissing that leads to hands going in places they shouldn’t and for many, sex is the end result. My answer back then was no and today it is still no. It’s a bad idea.

Too Tempting
Does making out happen? Absolutely! The best Christian single wants to make out. Is it wise? I don’t think so. Kenneth thinks otherwise. Somehow he found this post last week and left a comment. He says: 

I don’t think Scripture condemns or condones making out (which I’m defining here similar to how you did, kissing with tongue, and usually with wandering hands) prior to marriage. Until recently, I opposed such kissing before marriage because it almost always arouses sexual desire, however, I have reconsidered for two reasons:

1) The principle in Scripture is that all things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. The thing to consider is whether making out is helpful in the relationship or not. For many or most, it might prove too tempting, or focus too much on the physical. However, one or both parties might need deep physical expression, might have insecurities. And in that case, passionate kissing might help them overcome that. Even apart from that, as the pair becomes more intimate and close as a couple, making out could help build that relationship further. The couple should gauge whether or not such kissing is appropriate at their relationship stage. What is the purpose? To draw each other closer and build compatibility? Is each physical development – first kiss, first caress, etc. – in the relationship significant and meaningful? Or is it a distraction from other elements – spiritual, intellectual, etc.? Is it a response out of boredom or failure to communicate, or is it part of a larger quality time and just one facet of their communication?

Crossing The Line
Making out is tempting for everyone. I don’t know anyone who can handle it without crossing the line in one way or the other do you? Maybe you’re that person. God bless you! Scripture does not condemn making out. God gives us free will, therefore, we can make out as often as our hearts desire. With that said, free will is not a license to sin.

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I Will Not Be Dominated By Anything
The verse he mentioned is found in 1 Corinthians 6:12 ESV which says, “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.” I like the way the good people over at gotquestions.org breaks it down. They say:

In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul is finishing up his address of several specific sins the Corinthian believers were tolerating: some church members were taking advantage of each other in court (verses 1–8), and others were practicing immorality (verses 12–20). In this context, the apostle says, “All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any” (verse 12, KJV). In this verse, Paul seems to be anticipating an argument from those who justified their sin in the name of “Christian liberty.” His point is that liberty has limitations. He moves right into proofs that sexual immorality is at odds with the Christian life, and no amount of “Christian liberty” can excuse it.

The NIV translation of 1 Corinthians 6:12 brings out more clearly the idea that Paul is quoting those who objected to his reprimand: “‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’—but I will not be mastered by anything.” It seems that some within the Corinthian church were using “I have the right to do anything” as a mantra, repeating it whenever they were questioned about their behavior. Paul responds to their mantra by adding his own clauses: “but not everything is beneficial” and “but I will not be mastered by anything.” Even if all things were lawful, not everything should be done, and nothing should be allowed to enslave us as a sinful habit.”

Honoring God With Our Bodies
In layman’s terms, that means, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. If our goal is sexual purity, honoring God with our bodies and glorifying God in every area of our lives, making out is not the best idea.

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Something to think about…

What say you? Is making out ever a good idea? Married readers, what’s your take on this? How did you handle making out before marriage? Those currently dating, how are you handling this in your relationship?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

P.S. you can read his second reason here (scroll all the way down)

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Ann Miesner October 1, 2018

Yvonne,
This is interesting and I agree with you. My husband and I of 49 and 1/2 years were just talking about this last week. After he came back from Vietnam it was really hard to not ‘make-out’ to the point of no return before we married three weeks later. [We did manage, but what does Jesus say? Just looking upon the opposite sex with lust in the heart is the same as adultery.]

We discussed that if we had focused more on communication, we would have been so much better off. Physical contact like this is NOT a way to bridge lack of insecurity or self esteem, but only makes it worse…..and it takes a lifetime to overcome. We are still struggling to get to really know one another in an intimate way–aside from physical.
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Yvonne Chase October 4, 2018

@Ann,

Thanks for your transparency. It’s very helpful for singles along this journey.

I agree with you when you say, “Physical contact is not a way to bridge lack of insecurity or self-esteem but only makes it worse.”

My eyebrow raised when I read that part of his comment. Those issues need to be resolved in other ways.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Broken Children Living in Adult Bodies Create Broken RelationshipsMy Profile

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Karen Friday October 2, 2018

Hey Yvonne,

Great insight and thought-provoking discussion. So many times we hear Christians say and think that as long as they don’t go all the way, full sex, then it’s permissible to fool around and make out.

Yet, the Scripture you highlight in this article makes it clear, not everything is in our best interest and even making out crosses the line when it comes to sexual purity.

Thanks for this reminder!

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Yvonne Chase October 4, 2018

@Karen,

You’re so right. It’s about so much more than not going all the way.

People can do whatever they want in their relationships, however, for me, making out is not at all in my best interest. #justsaying
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Who Pays On A Date Is NOT A Complicated QuestionMy Profile

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Katrina Hamel October 3, 2018

I agree with other comments, that making out is not the way to ease insecurity while dating. If one person in the relationships is insecure, to me it’s a good reason not to get physical!

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Yvonne Chase October 4, 2018

@Katrina,

Agree 100%. A better option would be to get to the root of the insecurities before getting physical.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Marriage Is Like A Box Of ChocolatesMy Profile

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Theresa Boedeker October 3, 2018

I agree. Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. I think like you said, we should be asking questions about what we are doing intimately and if it is glorifying God, helping the other person, helping us, or the relationship. My mom told me as a teen, don’t get to close to the edge, or there will be s point where you won’s be able to stop. I am glad we saved sex for marriage. We can be tempted before we are married, and tempted after we are married. So having self control is good both before and after marriage.

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Yvonne Chase October 4, 2018

@Theresa,

Great points especially the one about self control before marriage and after marriage. Temptation doesn’t stop once you say I do. Waiting until marriage prepares you to resist temptation. Also, your mother’s words are wise.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Discipline And Dating With Kids Go Hand In HandMy Profile

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Diane@worthbeyondrubies October 3, 2018

Great post and couldn’t agree more. Self control isn’t just about not allowing yourself to go too far, it is about keeping yourself from the things that can lead you down that path in the first place!!

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Yvonne Chase October 4, 2018

@Diane,

Well said; self-control is about keeping yourself from the things that can lead you down the path of making out in the first place.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…I Was Called To Marry HIMMy Profile

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Kristi Woods October 4, 2018

Making out when we’re not married tends to make a way straight to sin’s door. Not everyone opens that door, but goodness, many knock. It’s a hard one, and you do a great job of addressing it, Yvonne. (Love the flair of your personality peeking through these posts.) #heartencouragementThursday

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Yvonne Chase October 4, 2018

@Kristi,

That’s the truth! Making out before marriage is an express route to sin’s door. You’re so right, many knock! Once you knock and peak in, it’s hard to stop which is why for me, it’s a bad idea.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…No One Really Wants To Be Single For A LifetimeMy Profile

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Mari-Anna October 5, 2018

Kudos for you for talking about this. If nobody talks about this, young people do not know why it’s not a good idea. Thank you. God bless you.
Mari-Anna recently posted…Dare to ShareMy Profile

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Kenneth October 27, 2018

Hi Yvonne!
Wow, I would never have expected my comment to generate a whole article! I feel flattered.

I don’t really disagree with what you’ve written here. It’s a standard that you have found useful. The point of my comment wasn’t that making out is always wise, but that making out isn’t always unwise. Boundaries for a couple prior to (or even after) marriage are going to be different for everyone. If there is a temptation to sin, it is best to stop and not give opportunity to sin. For some couples, though, making out might not be a problem. It doesn’t lead them into sin. I wouldn’t say that it is unwise for them in their case.

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Someone who cares October 30, 2018

The bible says “Flee fornication” period. You do not make out with someone that you are NOT married to and end up remaining the same. Let’s be sincere and truthful to ourselves. If in a hurry, get married but you must overcome some certain urges whether married or single because temptations are always lurking but yielding to God help us overcome.

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Kenneth November 1, 2018

Someone who cares,
We should flee fornication, yes. Making out isn’t fornication.

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Yvonne Chase November 3, 2018

@Kenneth,

You’re right, making out isn’t fornication, however, it often and in most cases leads to fornication.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Women Get On My Last NerveMy Profile

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Kenneth November 10, 2018

If that is a temptation that the couple is being pulled to, then absolutely they shouldn’t do it.

Yvonne Chase November 3, 2018

@Someone who cares,

Spot on. I like your point about overcoming certain urges whether single or married because of the strong lure of temptation that does not go away even after marriage. I’ve heard it said that if you can control yourself while single, that same level of self-control carries over into marriage.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Women Get On My Last NerveMy Profile

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