Bad Sex? There’s No Such Thing

by Yvonne Chase on January 26, 2016

Sex And Sensibility
Have you seen “It’s Not You, It’s Men?” It’s the new talk show on OWN featuring Tyrese and Rev Run discussing a host of topics.  The first episode- Sex & Sensibility was all about sex; specifically waiting until marriage.  Tyrese is all for sex before marriage and Rev Run is all for waiting.  He says, “There’s no such thing as bad sex.” What say you?  I agree with Rev Run, bad sex does not exist.  You learn your partner and together you figure it out and make it what you both want it to be…period! You all know my stance on this matter.  I wrote a post laying out in detail why premarital sex is unnecessary. You can go read it here.

97% Of You Are Humping
Just because you don’t have sex before marriage doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it while dating. Most people have had sex.  During the show, Tyrese dropped a stat that says only a mere 3% of the population waits until marriage which means as Tyrese hilariously said, 97% of you are humping. Chances are you and the person you’re dating have humped in the past and are all too familiar with sex which means you can both talk about it in great detail before marriage.  When I sat in premarital years ago, we talked about sex extensively, and this was at church.  We talked about his needs, her needs, foreplay, frequency…you name it, we talked about it.

No Complaints About Sex
Married At First Sight comes to mind as I write this post.  They talk about nothing before saying I do, heck, they know nothing about each other not even a name, yet three seasons in, there have been no complaints about sex from the couples that stayed married and even those that didn’t.  One divorced couple talked about how great the sex was on their wedding night and during their short-lived marriage.  I believe sex is something that can get better and better if both people are open and willing.  

Potentially Marry Bad Sex
Marlon Wayans was a guest and he sides with Tyrese.  Neither wants to potentially marry bad sex. American Idol winner Jordin Sparks was also a guest.  Her perspective was interesting because she’s sat on both sides of the fence. We all know about the purity ring she wore for many years before dating Jason Derulo; her first sexual partner.  They broke up and she is now in a sexual relationship with rapper Sage the Gemini.  Here’s what she said:

She’s A Stud And She’s A Slut
In that clip, Tyrese said something so powerful.  I wonder if he’s aware of what he said.  Comparison is the thief of joy.  When you’ve had sex, you now have something and someone to compare it to.  I believe this is yet another reason why God wants us to wait. If you and your mate have never had sex, you have nothing to compare it to. Tim and Brelyn Bowman were on the show and they are a couple who both waited until marriage.  Brelyn is the woman who made headlines when she gave her dad a certificate of virginity at her wedding that confirmed through her gynecologist that her hymen was still intact.  Marlon had mad jokes about the hymen certificate; “Where do you put it? Do you put it on your desk? Do you hang it on the wall with the family portraits?”  LOL! Women are taught to be pure while men run around and whore.  She’s a stud and he’s a slut.    

Abortion Is Not Birth Control
I feel like we’re raising a generation of whores.  We’re living in a time where women and men freely give away pieces of themselves to whosoever will.  If you watch as much reality TV as I do, you will see the abundance of random sex with random people resulting in abortions.  Amina on Love & Hip Hop NY had an abortion because she was not going to keep a baby with her cheating husband who got her and his ex-girlfriend Tara pregnant at the same time.   Tara decided to keep her baby.  Tara already has two of his kids and Amina his wife just gave birth to his daughter. He has 9 kids with a number of women. Last night on the season premiere of K. Michelle: My Life, the R&B singer revealed her recent abortion that she decided to have because she couldn’t rely on the baby daddy.  Abortion is not birth control.

Do It Gods Way
Rev Run talked about his kids; Vanessa and JoJo who are both parents outside of marriage.  He made a great point when he said, you can always make a new decision.  You don’t have to keep having sex.  You can stop and do it God’s way.  Rev Run believes his life has been tremendously blessed because he did not touch his wife Justine prior to marriage even though he had sex prior to Justine.  He made a new decision and so can you.  Will you?

Something to think about…

What say you? Is there such a thing as bad sex? 

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Yvonne Chase January 26, 2016

I’ve never had bad sex. Looking back on it, I had no clue what I was doing when I started having sex. Sure I knew I had to do a little bit of this and a lot of that, move this way and lean this way etc but I had no idea what I was really doing back then. None of the few partners I had ever complained as a matter of fact, they raved about the experience.

While I’m not currently having sex and haven’t had sex for many years, I couldn’t see myself having bad sex. I’m a lot older and wiser now. I know myself very well. I understand sex and God’s plan for sex within marriage, I’m an open communicator able to freely express myself and talk about anything. I believe as, in the past, I will be matched with someone compatible.

Sex like anything else in a marriage can be worked on if both people are open and willing.
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Diane Robertson January 27, 2016

This is so good and such an important subject to discuss. I appreciate that Yvonne tells it like it is and displays both sides so eloquently. I personally think that it is important to wait until marriage for sex. To wait for someone who is committed to me till death do us part, and for better and for worse. Someone who values all of me. Giving myself away to multiple men over and over does nothing to grow me spiritually or even intellectually. It really doesn’t benefit me at all-expect maybe to get a fix…a physical fix to be honest. Not worth it. Sex is the exchange of souls and I don’t want to hook up and mesh my soul with the wrong kind of soul who has a lasting and detrimental impact on my life.
You’ve just got to be careful who you lay with. Period.
Men often shy away from, don’t give a second date to, or try to wear down a woman who’s opted to wait to have sex after marriage (all 3 have happened to me) but when they’re at that point where they are ready to settle down they claim-and I’ve heard it said-that they want a woman who doesn’t have “too much mileage” on her. Can they make up their minds?!
Thankfully there are men out there like Rev Run who respect, support even celebrate a woman’s choice to remain celibate until marriage.
Either way I’m going to do what’s right for me, honor my relationship with God, respect my body and keep my soul free of mess.
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Ivan Jordon January 28, 2016

Yep. I also don’t know such thing. lol
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Chasing Joy (Arlett) (@Chasing_Joy) January 31, 2016

I think there is such a thing as bad sex. That happens when one person is unwilling to speak up about what they are experiencing, liking, not liking or when one person does not care about the other’s needs. Unfortunatley this can happen inside or outstide of marriage. I do think, hopefully, this is much less likly to happen with someone whom you are married too.

Stopping by from Traffic Jam link up.
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