Ladies, Your Biological Clock Is Your Responsibility Not His

by Yvonne Chase on May 18, 2014

Fantasy Relationship
I’ve been watching Love In The City since the first episode and this weekend was no different.  On this episode, Bershan introduced her surrogate to the girls, Tiffany took a nude photo shoot to celebrate her new boobs now that she’s cancer free, Chenoa did a photo shoot for the relaunch of Girbaud jeans while simultaneously designing her husband’s donut shop and Kiyah’s man Raz came to NY to meet the girls.  My focus was on Kiyah this entire episode.  Like Kiyah, so many women have a fantasy relationship going on in their head instead of dealing with the reality of what’s staring them in the face.

He Doesn’t Want To Have A Baby
Let me give you some back story on Kiyah and Raz.  They used to live together in LA before she moved to NY to take her career to the next level and hadn’t seen each other in two months.  He’s twenty-seven, she’s forty.  After seeing a fertility doctor, Kiyah is on a mission to make Raz her baby daddy.  What she doesn’t know is, he doesn’t want to have a baby…well at least not now and not with her.  Watch and we’ll talk after…

Ludicrous
After watching tonight’s episode, I tweeted the following, have the necessary conversations early ladies. We don’t have time to waste with men who don’t want what we want.  First of all, Kiyah and Raz have only been together eight months.  To expect such a serious commitment from a twenty-seven year old after being together for such a short period of time with 3,000 miles of distance in the way is ludicrous.  Secondly, I guess older woman younger man relationships can work however its not realistic when the age difference is so vast.  Look at Demi and Ashton.  Yea, it was cute for a second.  I’m sure he rocked her world sexually or not but they eventually broke up and now he’s with an age appropriate woman, Mila Kunis, who is pregnant with their bundle of baby.

Major Life Decision
I watched tonight’s episode with my Twitter peeps and a large majority of them were mad at Raz after he shared his truth.  I wasn’t.  Sure he might’ve been a jerk in his delivery but he told the truth and that’s what matters.  He’s not thinking about having a baby anytime soon.  He’s moving back to Russia to do his thing.  Kiyah had no business having a conversation with him about having a baby after he made a major life decision to move back to Russia without her input.  He’s thinking about himself and no one else at this point in his life.

biological clock

Set Up For Failure
Lastly, as harsh as this may sound, a man doesn’t have to care about your biological clock.  Kiyah needs to care about that priority and date a man who wants what she wants the way she wants it when she wants it.  Anything else is a waste of time and a set up for failure.  You can’t get mad at him because he doesn’t want what you want, which is why I wrote this post.  We need to talk about what’s important to us immediately especially when you’re a woman of a certain age.  I’m sure Kiyah’s outcome would’ve been totally different if she spoke her intentions earlier on.  If Kiyah is going to fulfill her desire of having a baby, she needs to leave the twenty something year old men alone and only date men that want what she wants or go to a sperm bank.

Be sure that you are not deceiving yourself at any time about actual conditions. John D. Rockefeller

Something to think about…

What say you? Is your biological clock his responsibility? Does he need to care about it? Did you watch the episode? What are your thoughts on Kiyah and Raz?

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

AwesomelyOZ May 19, 2014

I feel if you two are on the same page, then he will care about your biological clock as much as you do but obviously they were on different books. My bf and I are at a point where we’re not sure if we want kids because I have one son and we’re happy with the one-child situation. However, if I were to get preggo he’d be there 150% no doubt and that’s comforting. Yes have these conversations at least the first month because nobody has time for that. Those 8 months could have been spent with someone that WANTED what she wanted. For shame. Happy Monday Yvonne! -Iva
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Yvonne Chase May 19, 2014

Iva,

I believe any decent guy would care about his woman’s biological clock. With that said, when the pressure is on like it is for Kiyah, she needs to make that a priority when screening men. Screen before you sign up for an eight month relationship that can’t give you what you want nor is remotely interested in doing so.

Like you said, those 8 months could have been spent with a man who wants to have children and is ready to have children. She will never get that time back.
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Kimberly H. Smith May 23, 2014

I was mortified at watching how Raz broke up with Kiyah. From the moment he arrived at her apartment, I didn’t get a good feeling. I thought maybe it was the cameras all around, etc. But then I thought, “He’s seeing her for the first time in months. The cameras shouldn’t matter.” I agree with you that being straightforward was the best thing he could do, but he was a total jerk for how he did it. I really felt bad for Kiyah because you could tell how hurt she was and struggled to save face.

I get not wanting to put your desires on the table early on when you enter a relationship for fear of pushing a man away, but if your biological clock is ticking…you need to speak up!
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Yvonne Chase May 23, 2014

Kimberly,

He didn’t seem into her at all. Seemed like she was much more into him than he her. It was embarrassingly obvious!

I’m not even sure he was a jerk about it even though he came across that way. He seemed completely unaware of her conversation and her feelings. Seemed like it was the first time he’d heard that kind of talk from her.

Bottom line, Kiyah needs to date a man not a twenty seven year old male. Big difference! Huge! Honestly, I don’t get not wanting to put your desires on the table early on when you enter a relationship for fear of pushing a man away. The right man won’t be pushed away. If he runs away, perhaps he’s not the guy. Better to find out early than eight months in.
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Jen May 24, 2014

I think you hit it right on the head – nobody has time to be wasting words and days on someone who isn’t on the same page. I’m sure there’s a very successful, handsome, smart dude out there who is in his 40’s and feeling that same “getting old” pressure. Why settle??
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Yvonne Chase May 24, 2014

Exactly Jen! Nobody has time to waste when the pressure is on.
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