Buyers Remorse Is The Struggle Of Many Single People

by Yvonne Chase on June 24, 2016

I Can’t Change My Mind
Is Buyers Remorse keeping you single? What is Buyers Remorse and how does it relate to singles? According to Wikipedia, Buyers Remorse: 

  • Is the sense of regret after having made a purchase. It is frequently associated with the purchase of an expensive item such as a car or house. It may stem from fear of making the wrong choice, guilt over extravagance, or a suspicion of having been overly influenced by the seller.
  • Arises when a person must make a difficult decision, such as a heavily invested purchase between two similarly appealing alternatives.  In the phase before purchasing, a prospective buyer often feels positive emotions associated with a purchase (desire, a sense of heightened possibilities, and an anticipation of the enjoyment that will accompany using the product, for example); afterwards, having made the purchase, they are more fully able to experience the negative aspects: all the opportunity costs of the purchase, and a reduction in purchasing power.

Stuck Like Chuck
Buyers Remorse sounds like the struggle of many singles.  What if I make the wrong choice? What if I regret my decision? What if I miss out on a bigger, better deal? What if my life is worse after I choose him or her? For the single person, it’s a bad feeling to feel like I’m committed to something and now I can’t change my mind.  I’m stuck like Chuck!

I’m Gonna Wish I Said No
Tonight I listened to a great podcast about marriage by Timothy and Kathy Heller where Kathy shared a story about their son and his issue with Buyers Remorse.  She said, “One of our sons when he was going on a missions trip, said, “As soon as I say yes, I’m gonna wish I had said no. But that’s gonna happen to me and I’m just gonna sort of live through it and wait for it to go away, because, in the end, I’ll be happy that I actually went through with it.”  

Lives So Much By Their Feelings
Kathy says, “Anybody who makes any kind of commitment, has a certain degree of buyer’s remorse. It’s just that in a generation that lives so much by our feelings, we tend to act on that or we tend to recoil from that. We don’t want to feel that way. So, I’ll never have buyer’s remorse if I never buy anything.”  I know a lot of singles, especially men, suffering from Buyers Remorse.  What about you?

Lemon Law For People
So what’s the root of Buyers Remorse? According to Tim and Kathy, “The root of buyer’s remorse is looking at the other person to give us security that this is going to be a good relationship. I’m gonna be safe in this relationship. This is going to be what meets my needs. And so, they keep pressing the other person to make sure they don’t have any hidden deficiencies, you know, wishing there was a lemon law for people like there is for cars.”

You Can’t Actually Trust A Human Being
Kathy continues, “The person we’re failing to trust is God because we can’t actually trust a human being or a car or anything else. We don’t know what the future’s going to bring. So, it’s really a spiritual weakness as far as our relationship with God, that gives us the fear of entering into any kind of covenant or commitment–a commitment to teach Sunday school or a commitment to get married–because we are afraid of the future and only God knows what the future’s going to bring. We can’t nail another person or an institution down to say, “Now I want to make sure there are no potholes in my future.” There [are] potholes and God knows what they are, so we have to put our trust in Him. But yet, people keep pressing, “I’m not sure I can trust this person. How do I know this is the right person?” 

buyers
God Is Our Source For Everything
Listening to this podcast which was recorded for singles and married couples further solidifies the importance of stepping away from the dating scene for a season and doing something like going Under Construction.  If we’ve learned to rely solely on God in our single lives and know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he is our source for everything under the sun, we won’t expect marriage to solve all of our problems. 

Something to think about…

What say you? Is Buyers Remorse keeping you single? Has Buyers Remorse kept you single in the past? Are you afraid of marrying the wrong person? Do you think people marry with the expectation that marriage will solve all their problems?

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Sarah Jean June 24, 2016

Buyers remorse definitely kept my single in the past! I am so thankful I have a husband who pursued me until I said “yes” and anytime I wonder if my marriage was God’s will, I just have to look at the ring on my finger to confirm it. 🙂

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Andrea June 25, 2016

Marriage will never solve all of your problems. I got married thinking it would. I’m now divorced. Should’ve read this before getting married.

Great post!

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Yvonne Chase June 25, 2016

@Andrea,

I’m sure you are not the only one who expected marriage to solve all your problems. Many people marry today with a similar expectation.

Sorry about your divorce and thanks for your honesty.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Debate Love While You’re Single And Under ConstructionMy Profile

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Latonya June 25, 2016

I really enjoyed reading this. We have been married since our early 20s, and one thing I have learned is my partner isn’t my source of happiness. I have fun with him, but I know I have to rely on the Father for peace and joy.

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Yvonne Chase June 25, 2016

@Latonya,

Amen to all of this: “My partner isn’t my source of happiness. I have to rely on the Father for peace and joy.”
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Under Construction And No Dating For Six MonthsMy Profile

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