Childless And Single With No Reason To Live

by Yvonne Chase on July 1, 2019

“People who are single and childless….what do you have to live for? What’s keeping you alive? I honestly want to know.” When I saw those words on Twitter, my first irritated response was, what kind of question is that? I began to reply but then decided to read some of the replies. Boy am I glad I did because here’s the follow up to the initial tweet:

For those asking what’s the point of this question and/or calling it “dumb,” I’ve been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for a couple of weeks now. Struggling to find a reason to live. I’m single + childless and I want to see reasons from ppl in the same situation.

ALSO. The reason why I add the spouse/kids thing is because when people are depressed or going through something and they have that they say THEY are what keeps them alive/going.

Follow up to the follow up to the follow-up. Being a wife and a mother is a goal of mine. A goal I thought I’d be close to by this time in my life. I’ll be 30 in 2 weeks and I feel unaccomplished. Ok, I’m done telling my business….

childless
Image by Jess Foami from Pixabay

Sadness came over me for her. I’m so glad I didn’t tweet my initial replies. Thank you Holy Spirit. As a single and childless woman, I honestly can’t relate to any of her feelings. Before I tell you why, read some of the replies below:

If you depend on external things to keep you going, you will stay empty & disappointed. Fulfillment, purpose & joy are all found within, regardless of your martial or parental situation. Ps. I’m 41, unmarried & childless.

People w spouses/kids also kill themselves and sometimes they kill their kids/spouses before killing themselves. Your questions are all wrong. You really need to set your priorities straight. Like staying alive, and well should be one. Get yourself some much needed treatment, OK?

There’s more to life than a spouse or kids. You have so much freedom to make your life better. You have no obligation to anyone. Make the most of it. Learn about yourself. Experience new places whether it’s locally or farther. Get out of your head and get out in the world.

Don’t know if you’re a believer but God is in charge. The power of acceptance and prayer is underestimated sometimes. Been through this. Lord your plan is always greater than my pain. Amen.

Depression hits married individuals as well. You need to find something outside of marriage and kids that will make you happy. Something internally. You could get both of those things and you still won’t be happy if you’re not happy with yourself.

Childless, Single And No Reason To Live

My life as a single and childless woman in this world is not easy as a matter of fact, it might be harder because everything falls on my shoulders, however, it is absolutely worth living.

What makes my life worth living is my relationship with my Lord and my Savior Jesus Christ. As actress Essence Atkins said ever so perfectly, “There is nothing special about me yet, EVERYTHING is special about me because I was crafted, considered and designed by my Heavenly Father.” Crafted, considered, designed. Think about that for a second…

My life is no longer my own. I was crafted, created and designed to serve him. I’m a servant of God, therefore, I wake up daily to obey my shepherd. Where are we going, today Lord? What do you want me to do? Who am I talking to? What do you want me to say? How do you want me to say it? Whose paths will you cross with mine today? It’s an exciting life! Today he allowed my paths to cross with a woman named Destiny at a church that I didn’t even know exists. I was able to pour into her life and she mine.

childless
Image by Jenny Shead from Pixabay

While chatting with Destiny, she gave me an expanded edition of the book, The Purpose Driven Life, What On Earth Am I Here For? by Pastor Rick Warren. Here are some nuggets:

  • Focusing on ourselves will never reveal our life’s purpose. 
  • Bringing enjoyment to God, living for his pleasure, is the first purpose for your life. When you fully understand this truth, you will never again have a problem with feeling insignificant. 
  • You were made by God and for God. Until you understand that, life will never make sense.
childless

Getting married is not the be all and end all of life. Society says it is but it isn’t. There are a lot of married people with children who would love to trade places with a single person. In closing, I leave you with Ecclesiastes 6:9 which says, “It is better to be satisfied with what you have than to be always wanting something else.”

Something to think about…

What say you? What makes life worth living for you? What’s keeping you alive?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

P.S. Depression is a very real thing. I hope I didn’t minimize it in this post. It’s not my reality, however, it is the reality of Pastor Rick Warren. His son suffered from depression for many years and eventually committed suicide in 2013. Watch this video and email me at yvonne@yvonnechase.com if you need someone to help you bear your burden.

{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Jerralea July 1, 2019

Crafted, considered, designed by the Heavenly Father – I love that! I think if each could really get a vision of that, there would be a lot less hopelessness.

Thanks for sharing!
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Yvonne Chase July 1, 2019

@Jerralea,

Amen! There would be much less hopelessness if we could really let those words marinate in our soul. To know that the creator of the entire universe took the time to craft me, to consider me and to design me for his purpose literally blows my mind.
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Lisa notes July 1, 2019

I’m glad to see your answers here, Yvonne. I have several single and childless friends and they are as complete as anybody else! Our marital status or parental status doesn’t make us who we are, which you say so succinctly here: “What makes my life worth living is my relationship with my Lord and my Savior Jesus Christ.” Amen.

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Yvonne Chase July 2, 2019

@Lisa,

Say that louder for the people in the back: “Our marital status or parental status doesn’t make us who we are.”
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Barbara Harper July 1, 2019

I’m visiting from the LMM link-up. Wow, I would have been astonished at that beginning tweet, too, even though I’ve been married for nearly 40 years. I’m so glad you shared the rest of the story. I should know by now not to be so quick to react. It’s sounds like she got some good advice: I pray God uses it to draw her to Himself.
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Yvonne Chase July 2, 2019

@Barbara,

Not only was I astonished, but I was also irritated. Hopefully, she reads this post and gets to know Jesus.
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Tammy Kennington July 1, 2019

Wow! This post is powerful and rich. You’ve offered some wonderful insight and advice along with helpful resources. I hope the young woman who shared her message on Twitter was able to read your words of hope.

Blessings,
Tammy

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Rebecca Jones July 2, 2019

Before you can really love someone, you need Jesus to love you. I pray that gets through to her, Caring for others is difficult if not impossible without caring for yourself. That is a lie from the enemy, there is always something to live for, I have written way too much about suicide, something I never thought I would be doing.

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Yvonne Chase July 4, 2019

@Rebecca,

Oh, that we would see how the enemy works to destroy us by filling our heads with lies. Truth is my word for 2019. Truth is needed to identify and reveal lies. Without it, we will believe every lie from the enemy.

Like you, I never planned to write about suicide, however, when God put this in my path, I c0uldn’t say no. I hope she reads it and finds her way to Jesus; the one who crafted considered and designed her for his purpose.
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Mandy Farmer July 2, 2019

Thanks for linking up with us at Legacy Linkups. I’m glad that you posted. There are many who struggle with this including my two sons, 28 and 38.
I myself didn’t marry until 28 which was like an eternity to me. But my God story is awesome from beginning to end.
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Yvonne Chase July 4, 2019

@Mandy,

Marriage is a great thing. Nothing wrong with wanting it but for the life of me I really do not understand why we give it so much weight! Like if we don’t get married, life doesn’t matter! I don’t get that at all and that is why I was initially irritated by her tweet.

Twenty-eight is not too late to marry and neither is 38 especially for a man. Your sons will be fine. P.S. if they want wives, it’s their responsibility to look for her and pursue her.
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Laura July 3, 2019

Thank you for this post, it’s really thought-provoking. I am married and have a child, but it’s important to remember everything else too. How fortunate that you stopped to read the comments and took a step back to consider the full picture!
#ABitofEverything
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Yvonne Chase July 4, 2019

@Laura,

I was 100% irritated by the initial tweet. It’s sad to me that so many women feel this way. What happens to the woman who feels this way then marries and finds out she can’t have children or worst yet, she ends up in an impossible marriage?
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Pam Ecrement July 3, 2019

Well done, Yvonne! There are not enough messages on this topic. I saw so many young women when I was still working in my counseling practice who were struggling with this. Thank you!
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Patsy Burnette July 3, 2019

Yvonne, what a great and comprehensive post! Such a difficult and needed topic.

Pinned.

Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!

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Anne July 3, 2019

My daughter is 30, single and childless and often finds there is no reason to live. But, she’s perfectly happy being single and childless and has no wish to change that. But I do get that people often say they only keep living for their family. I say it all the time. I’m in constant pain and often wish I didn’t have to carry on, but if I went then I’d leave those I love most in pain. So, putting family aside my reasons to continue living would be to see the changes that happen around every day, in winter I long to see the changes of Spring, in Spring the warmth of Summer, in Summer the colour of Autumn, in Autumn the frost of winter. The world is a truly amazing place, and even through the cruelness there are some amazing people. I live because I love each day.
#abitofeverything
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Yvonne Chase July 4, 2019

@Anne,

Amen! I live because I love each day. And yes, in spite of the evil all around us, the world is truly an amazing place. I’m happy to be in the land of the living.
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Rebecca Hastings July 4, 2019

There is always so much in the layers under the questions we ask. There is no harder or easier. Everyone has their things that feel hard or easy. And all of them matter to God.
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Michelle July 5, 2019

While I don’t suffer with depression, my dad did. One thing I learned from him is that depression will supply a reason to justify its existence. It’s a sneaky bastard. It lies. It’s easy to look for something you don’t have and point at it as the “reason” for depression. But even if the depressed person can achieve what they think is missing – and it may give a transitory boost – the depression returns. It’s important that it be treated.

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Yvonne Chase July 8, 2019

@Michelle,

Thank you for this input about your dad. Depression is a real disease and that is why I didn’t want to minimize it. I hope she gets treated and finds her way.
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Mrs A July 7, 2019

Im married and have kids, but I can feel for thw desperation in this ladies tweet. Im glad she was reaching out, and hope she gained something from it, and continues to seek help.
#abitofeverything

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Yvonne Chase July 10, 2019

@Mrs. A,

Yes, her desperation is palpable. I hope she continues to seek help from the right professional.
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Kirsty July 8, 2019

I am glad that you have such a solid purpose in your life. Thanks for sharing this post with the #DreamTeam

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Jeanne Takenaka July 9, 2019

Yvonne, SUCH a great post! Depression is nothing to downplay. And those desires for a husband and children . . . those tend to gnaw at a woman when we don’t have them. You’re spot on. We need to find our value and our contentment from the Lord and not from our circumstances. It’s hard to yield up those inborn desires and trust God to do with them what He will.

I so appreciate your sensitivity to this topic!
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Catherine Sokolowski July 9, 2019

Thank God that the girl knew that she needed to reach out for help. I hope that she stumbles upon your blog post.
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Kathleen - Bloggers Lifestyle July 9, 2019

Yvonne, thanks for your courage to share on this subject. Whatever is the catalyst to be depressed, you have given some great answers. I encourage anyone to watch the little video at the end of your post as well.
We will feature this post on the next Blogger’s Pit Stop it may meet the need of a reader.
Kathleen

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Miriam July 11, 2019

The heading horrified me as many a time your blog posts have encouraged and edified me and I was so glad to read that it was not you wondering why you are alive because you have been a blessing to many who may never have commented on your blog.
However that been said, I hope that person on Twitter does look for the meaning of their lives in God’s purpose for them and begin serving someone somewhere with their unique gifts and talents.
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Yvonne Chase July 11, 2019

@Miriam,

It’s all about a title that makes the reader click. Sorry to horrify you. Glad to make your acquaintance and to know that what God put on my heart encourages and edifies you. He gets all the glory. I am just a vessel he speaks through.

We hope the same for the young lady on Twitter. Let’s keep her in prayer that she will connect to the source and begin to live a life of purpose for him.
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Yvonne Chase July 11, 2019

@Kathleen,

Thanks for the feature. That is why I wrote it; to meet the need of a reader who just might need it. We all go through peaks and valleys in life. It’s important to know there’s hope for us all when we connect to the source.
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Emma July 15, 2019

This post turned out to be completely different from what I was expecting by the title alone. It feels like there is so much pressure in today’s society, to conform, to have a good job, new car, get married, 2.4 children etc…but actually the only person who is putting you under that pressure is you! Be happy and just be! #DreamTeam

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