Close The Loop If You Want To Experience True Healing
February 6, 2017 Marriage

Think Deeply
Marriage and family are strong themes in the new NBC drama This Is Us and that is why I love it so much. When I saw the commercials before it premiered, I said to myself, I’m watching that…it looks good. I never watched until last week Sunday On Demand. While everyone else watched the Superbowl, I watched all of season one and I’m ready for season two.  Bring it on! This show is so good; it makes me laugh, cry and think deeply about my life and relationships.

The Big Three
Have you watched? You’re missing out if you haven’t. Let me give you a quick back story; Rebecca, played by Mandy Moore and her husband Jack, played by Milo Ventimiglia are pregnant with triplets. The third baby boy died leaving them with a set of twins; Kate, played by Chrissy Metz and Kevin, played by Justin Hartley. Devastation rules at the loss of their baby but not for long.  A black baby was abandoned by his parents and left at the fire station. That boy Randall, played by Sterling K. Brown completed “The Big Three” as they are affectionately called.  

Kept It A Secret
Randall grew up in a white family always wondering about his biological parents. Rebecca knew his biological parent from day one but kept it a secret. She didn’t want her family broken apart therefore, she never told Randall. He took it upon himself to find his dad and found him at a very critical time in his life when he, William, is dying from stage 4 stomach cancer.

Deep Regret
When Randall confronted William about abandoning him, William apologized. He took responsibility as the adult and said, “I’m sorry.” He explained his life and why he made a bad choice. He expressed his deep regret to Randall. Randall listened, forgave him then moved him into his home that he shares with his lovely wife Beth, played by Susan Kelechi Watson and their two small daughters.

A New Story
From that moment on, William’s life became an open book to Randall and his entire family. No question is off limit including but not limited to questions about his drug use, cancer prognosis, and how he met Randall’s mother. They’re starting on a clean page and writing a new story.

Open Loop
As I said in this post, difficult conversations are a gift to any relationship when we have the courage to start the conversation. My belief is that in order for true healing to come, there must be a conversation or several conversations. Saying I forgive you without discussing what happened or changing the behavior that created the offense leaves an open loop. I believe we close the loop when we have the courage to lovingly confront the issue and communicate about it then choose to move on in love. Unresolved issues keep the loop open.


Choose To Love 
Randall’s anger disappeared because of heart to heart conversations with William that continue throughout the course of their new relationship. I can’t help but smile and shed tears as I watch them choose to love. I guess a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer puts everything into perspective huh? Too bad that’s what it takes most times to shake us up and get us together.

Do Things Differently
As I binge watched season one, I thought about my mother’s passing last September. She/we didn’t know she was severely ill. We didn’t know death would come to her door sooner than later. She had no idea! I’m sure she would’ve done things a lot differently if she knew. All of us would do things differently if we knew death was at our doorstep.  P.S. it is!

Something to think about…

What say you? What would you do differently? How important are conversations to healing? Can true healing happen without a conversation? Do you watch This Is Us? Do you love it as much as I do?

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