Who Pays On A Date Is NOT A Complicated Question

by Yvonne Chase on September 3, 2018

It’s Not Complicated
Sunday, while reading The Wall Street Journal, I ran across an article titled Who Pays On A Date? That’s Still A Complicated Question. The article opened with this scenario:

Elliott Katz believes a man should treat on a date. But when he pulled out his wallet at the ticket counter of a movie theater a while back, the woman he was with pulled hers out, too.
Mr. Katz hurried and paid. His date offered him money. He declined, explaining that it was his pleasure to take her out. She offered again. Mr. Katz declined again.

Then his date asked the ticket seller for exact change and thrust the cash at him. Mr. Katz says he was surprised. “I believe a man should pay for the first and subsequent dates to make the woman feel special,” says the 53-year-old writer, who lives in Toronto. “But she insisted I take the money.”
Who should pick up the tab for date?

Is paying a sign of caring, or power? No one really knows anymore.  And the question is only becoming more baffling in the #MeToo era.

Gone Too Far
I’ve said it once, twice, three times and I’m saying it again, the #MeToo movement has gone too far. What does it have to do with who pays for a date? Dating is not about power. Women are going to regret pushing this agenda beyond where it needs to go. The day is fast approaching when men will want nothing to do with women. Elliott Katz has the right idea. He’s my kind of guy. Here’s more from the article:

Julie Laipple, a 49-year-old manager of a bookstore in Rome, Ga., says she always reaches for her purse when the check comes. But the men she has dated have refused to let her contribute. “I think my offer to pay is a way to show that I can be independent and take care of myself,” she says. “But I concede when they refuse, and I thank them.”

Honorable Thing
Dating is not about proving my independence and that I can take care of myself. What is wrong with women today? This kind of behavior makes it challenging for women who have no problem letting a man be a man. Here’s more:

Victoria Kent prefers to split checks. The 36-year-old public relations representative in Chicago has gone Dutch with her boyfriend since the beginning of their relationship a year ago. “I don’t like to feel like I’m indebted to anyone and like to start out on equal footing,” says Ms. Kent.

Equal Footing
So if she marries this guy, will she continue to go Dutch so that she doesn’t feel indebted to him and to be on equal footing? P.S. You’re already on equal footing. God created men and women equal. We simply have different roles and ways of being. The writer goes on to explain the mindset of men and women by saying:

Traditionally, men have paid for courtship because men had the money. They thought of themselves as chivalrous, respectful and protective when they paid. Then women entered the workforce, the feminist movement attempted to level the playing field, and women began offering to pay. They want to signal their independence, show that they aren’t looking for a free ride, and prevent the perception that they owe their date anything.

Expected Sex
I owe you nothing at the end of the date except a polite goodnight and a hug if it comes naturally. You sat in my presence for the length of the date and your life is better for it. What else do you expect? I say that in all seriousness knowing that there are men who expect something more physical and intimate at the end of the date. According to the article, “Sixteen percent of all male participants said they expected sex if they paid for the date.” 

complicated
Decency To Pay
Men and women are losing in this game. If he doesn’t pay he’s a slacker and not a gentleman. As soon as the date ends or maybe during the date, she will text her girlfriends to let them know she’s on a date with a bum who didn’t have the decency to pay. If she pays, he automatically thinks she’s not interested in him romantically.

#MeToo Movement
I have nothing to prove to a man. I’m a woman and I expect to be treated as such. Old fashioned values still work for me. There is no question about who pays for a date. In my world, men pursue, ask you out, pay, open doors, pull out chairs and still do all the things they did before the #MeToo movement.

complicated
Making This Complicated
“Whoever asks for the date should pay” is the solution offered in the article to solve this problem. I guess that’s a place to start, however, I don’t ask men out on dates just like I don’t ask men to marry me. Men ask women out on dates, period and when he asks, he pays. Why are we making this complicated? The article closes with the following: 

Mr. Katz continued to see the woman who had insisted he take her money at the movie theater—at least for a while. After that first outing, he always let her pay for herself.

Then one day she told Mr. Katz that she was hurt he never treated her.  Stunned, he reminded her how she’d insisted on paying for herself on the first date and said he thought he’d been respecting her wishes.

Her response? “She said I should have tried again,” he says.

Can’t Have It Both Ways
Is she serious? Make up your mind ladies. Either you want to be the man or you will let him be the man and do what men have always done. You can’t have it both ways.

Something to think about…

What say you? Is who pays on a date a complicated question? What do you think about the #MeToo movement influencing who pays?

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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Lisa notes September 4, 2018

“You sat in my presence for the length of the date and your life is better for it.” That made me smile. Amen!
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Ashley Rowland | HISsparrowBlog September 5, 2018

I must say I said ‘YES!’ to myself when I saw that we were neighbors today. 😉

I couldn’t have said it better myself, Yvonne. The #MeToo movement has definitely gone too far. We’ve pushed women’s rights so far that men can’t be men and women can’t women. And I definitely agree that who pays for a date isn’t complicated at all – he asks for the date and he pays. Thanks for being honest even when it isn’t PC.

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Yvonne Chase September 5, 2018

@Ashley,

I’m completely over it. Men can’t be men and women don’t know how to be women. It’s all a ridiculous mess. What exactly are we trying to prove? Make it stop!

Men have free reign to be men in my world. I’m not asking him out and I’m not paying…period!
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Connie Rowland September 5, 2018

Amen to old-fashioned values! Thanks for a reminder to let men be men and women be women. Blessings!
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Yvonne Chase September 6, 2018

@Connie,

We desperately need to get back to old-fashioned values. What we’ve created is an utter mess and a ball of confusion. God laid it out for us. It’s not complicated at all.
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Debbie Wilson September 6, 2018

Yvonne, I enjoy your posts. Yes, God made us equal, and we have nothing to prove. We don’t owe someone anything but a thank you for paying for a date. People who find reasons to be insulted make life more complicated than it has to be.
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Yvonne Chase September 6, 2018

@Debbie,

It would be a lot easier if men and women realized we were created equal. Dating is certainly not the place to prove your equality.
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Mary Geisen September 6, 2018

Thank you for your insight. As a single woman, who is not dating it is still interesting to hear about what is expected or not expected on dates in today’s world.
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Sue September 6, 2018

I enjoyed this read. And as the mother of two “twenty-something” young men, I was delighted when my eldest revealed that he felt it was right for him to pay on a first date!
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Yvonne Chase September 6, 2018

@Sue,

You raised him well. Thank you. Hopefully, he dates a woman who smiles kindly on that gesture and doesn’t give him any push back.
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Laurie September 7, 2018

Ugh! The woman in Mr. Katz’ article makes women look bad! I don’t think there should be any hard and fast rules about who pays for a date. An honest conversation between the two parties should take place beforehand. If you can’t talk about this, why are you going out in the first place? Feeling are so easily hurt these days!
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Yvonne Chase September 9, 2018

@Laurie,

She does make women look bad. Women like her are a part of the reason some men feel the way they do towards women. Her behavior makes it complicated. Either you want him to pick up the check or you don’t. No room for playing games!
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liz September 7, 2018

You’re so right. And the worst part of it seems to be that it is WOMEN perpetuating this idea that we have to pay equally to prove our worth. From where I’m sitting, if a man expects physical contact at the end of a date because he paid, that sounds like something altogether different from a date… Thanks for encouraging women to embrace the role God made them for in relationships!
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Yvonne Chase September 9, 2018

@Liz,

You’re so right. Women are the ones perpetuating the idea that we have to pay equally to prove our worth. That’s the part that really upsets me about it all.

Prostitution is what it sounds like when he expects physical contact at the end of a date. The only difference is he didn’t pick her up from the corner.

I fully embrace the role God made for me in relationships and I won’t deviate from it.
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Anita Ojeda September 7, 2018

I think the asker should be the one who pays–after all, one asks because one knows one has the money to pay for the event. I also don’t think the #MeToo movement has anything to do with this. If a man expects more than a friendly ‘good night’ and maybe a hug after a first date, he’s a creeper and should be avoided at all costs. Men shouldn’t expect that women should ‘pay out’ for a ‘night out’–that would be like thinking that dating is an acceptable form of prostitution. The #MeToo movement is more about speaking up about how men really treat women in general–not just on dates, but in the workplace and other social settings. Men mistakenly believe that all women are offering something. We’re not.
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Karen Friday September 7, 2018

It’s sad really that there’s a large percentage of men who think if they pay for a date, they should get sex. Your comment about still going dutch after marriage cracked me up. I guess people don’t wisely think through their opinions and thoughts.

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Yvonne Chase September 9, 2018

@Karen,

I’m just trying to understand when the madness will end I mean it’s ridiculous! Going Dutch in a relationship to not feel indebted to him just doesn’t make sense to me. She might as well be single.
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Kathleen - Bloggers Lifestyle September 11, 2018

I love your reasoning in this dating and paying thing. You are right, where will it end? What a mess our young people are growing up with. Where are their role models?
We will feature your post on the next Blogger’s Pit Stop. Great post.

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Yvonne Chase September 12, 2018

@Kathleen,

It’s a ridiculous mess and a ball of confusion. Where are the role models? And this is why I write.

Thanks for the feature. Appreciate your support.
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Jean | DelightfulRepast.com September 15, 2018

You are spot on, Yvonne. Some women today are making things way more complicated than they need to be. If a woman feels she has something to prove on a date or feels the man is going to feel entitled to something more than her company over dinner if he pays, she is dating the wrong man! If she wishes to reciprocate, she can invite him on a picnic and pack a lovely picnic. She can spend as much as she likes on the picnic without a bill ever being presented, so it isn’t such an obvious value exchange, if you will.
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Yvonne Chase September 16, 2018

@Jean,

Your picnic idea is a great way to reciprocate if a woman feels the need to do so. I don’t get this new way of being amongst women. It’s completely complicating an uncomplicated experience.
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