Christian Singles Chat Rewind: Should Christians Only Date To Mate?

by Yvonne Chase on August 24, 2013

mateWhat’s The Point of Dating Otherwise?
Should Christians only date for the purpose of finding a mate was the topic of this weeks Christian Singles Chat.  The general consensus was, what’s the point of dating otherwise.  One participant brought up a valid point when she said, “It depends on age and maturity.  A seventeen to nineteen year old might not be wise and mature enough to know what to look for in a marriage partner.”  Very true.

If Its Meant To Be It Will Be
We then talked about are Christians too passive about finding a mate.  One person said Some of us are; others lean in the opposite direction…too swift!  Some admitted they are passive about it and embrace an “if it’s meant to be it will be” attitude.  Many of the women said they are passive because men are supposed to pursue them.  While I understand that and agree wholeheartedly, I believe women can be proactive about being found by:

  • Using Internet dating, speed dating, matchmakers and other resources.
  • Doing what God tells you to do and going where he leads even if it doesn’t make sense.  You never know what he has waiting for you.
  • Telling friends, family and anyone you know your interest and availability to meet someone.  They say the best way to meet someone is through a referral.  I have a whole lot of people scouting for me because unlike God, I can’t be everywhere at the same time.
  • Saying hello and striking up a conversation with someone you find interesting.
  • Serving, volunteering and getting involved in this thing called life.  What other ways do you suggest?

Christians Are Regular People
One of my followers who participated in the chat wanted to know where she could go besides church to meet a Christian man and I my response to her was, Christians are regular people that do regular things.  They go to the gym, the jazz lounge, out to dinner, the movies, the mall, the market, the street festival, the free concert in the park etc.  Get out there and live.  Do what you love and also do the things you’re curious about.  You never know where you will meet him or how he will find you.  Cast a wide net!  Author Gary Thomas recommends relocating to find a mate.  Who knows, you might want to take his advice but read this first.

The One You Choose
From there, we talked about the notion that there is only one person God has for you and that one will magically show up.  The question asked was, Do you believe God only has one person out there for you or does the one you choose become the one? So many Christian singles think God has someone stored away for them somewhere and one day they will mystically and magically meet.  Sounds like we’ve watched one too many romantic comedies.  I believe the one you choose becomes the one.  I was so happy to hear another participant say, “The idea of “the one” is a fallacy.”  What a fallacy it is indeed.  I believe that fallacy is why many of us are passive about finding and choosing a mate.

Fear Of Rejection
Some said they are passive about finding a mate and don’t aggressively pursue it like we do careers, college and cash for fear of rejection.  I suppose that’s true.  More of what I see are Christians following the worlds model of delaying marriage until whenever it suits their lives while they passionately pursue other things that are not nearly as important.  What do you see?

One Year Is All You Need
The final question of the evening was, “If you’re not ready to marry within one year, you shouldn’t be dating.” Agree? Disagree? Why?” Many agreed that one year is all you need if you’re dating for the purpose of marriage.  A year gives you enough time to see the person in various settings and circumstances.  I believe that is true too especially for mature adults who are clear on what they want.  That is why you need to know your purpose.   Knowing your purpose makes sorting and screening a lot easier.  Like one participant said, “It shouldn’t be a time just to sit there and watch a movie or eat.  It should be a time to open up the mind of the person.”

Something to think about…

What say you…should Christians only date for the purpose of finding a mate? Do you believe there’s only one person out there for you or do you choose the one? Is one year enough to make that choice?

Here are 3 things I’d like you to do now:

1.  Leave a comment below

2.  Share this post if you like it

3.  Follow me on Twitter and be sure to join me on Thursday August 29th for the next Christian Singles Chat

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