Debate Love While You’re Single And Under Construction

by Yvonne Chase on June 7, 2016

Why Is Everyone Single?
I recently attended The Great Love Debate where a panel of “experts” got together town-hall-style to discuss the state of the date.  The focus of this debate was getting to the bottom of finding out, “Why is everyone single?”  Some of the reasons stated were: 

  • Finding an age appropriate partner; older men want much younger women which exclude the women in their age group.
  • Everyone is looking for a bigger, better deal; I can’t commit to you just yet because I just might be missing out on someone better.
  • Focused on career vs finding a relationship; gotta make sure my career is right before I settle down.
  • Women got more masculine and men got softer. 
  • Apps, apps, and more apps; swiping left and right on apps like Tinder and Bumble plus all of the online dating platforms have become a barrier to face to face communication.  

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Scared To Engage Face To Face
Brian Howie, host of the Great Love Debate says people date online because of fear.  He says “We have become a society that’s scared to engage face-to-face.  Men don’t want to be rejected and women don’t want to make the effort. Online dating is a barrier to face to face communication.”  We tend to believe everyone that’s online dating is single however, I learned 40% of online daters are in some kind of relationship.  I noticed that specifically on Match.com.  There are a lot of “Currently Separated” men online.  Why are you online if you’re separated is what I want to know? How about you close that chapter before starting another! While online dating is an avenue to meet people we probably would not meet, I agree with Brian when he says, “The best dating site is Earth.”  Nothing beats getting out there and engaging face to face.

A College Education Is Not Necessary
The next topic was The Checklist.  One woman said the guy for her must speak two languages meanwhile she only speaks one. She doesn’t care which two languages he speaks she just needs it to be so! Alrighty then! I wonder how many great men she’s passing up while commiserating with her women friends about her single status. Crazy much? The usual suspects like a college education, non-smoker, and shared faith were all included.  The expert suggested women uncheck the college education box.  He said, “A woman wants a man to make her feel special, sexy and safe.  If he does those things successfully, a college education is not necessary.” 

College Educated Jerks
I’m not hung up on whether he has a college education or not.  Women are made to believe we need to be with a specific type of guy.  We’re led to believe he’s a better catch if he has an education.   I don’t know about you but I’ve met a lot of college educated jerks.  For me, it’s about looking past his education to see what else is there.  The debate closed out by talking about what men want:

  • Men want to make women happy but they only know what made the last woman happy so we go with that.
  • Men like women who like them.  Compliments go a long way with men.
  • Men are trainable, just give them a road map.
  • Men need specific instructions that are playful.
  • Men like to pursue, they do not like to chase.
  • Men are highly insecure and need admiration, appreciation and to feel needed.

Single Doesn’t Always Mean Available
Before I wrote this post, I logged on to Twitter and there in my timeline was a follower @GodsPolitician discussing why she is single. She recently returned from a cruise and folks wanted to know if she found a man while cruising.  They referenced her age and reminded her that she needs to focus on starting a family.  Her response was, “I’m allowing God to work on me right now.  When he opens my eyes to a man, it will be apparent.  I’m not going to hop from man to man until I find one that fits.  Single doesn’t always mean available.  Single could very well mean under construction.”

Attract A Great Love
Exactly! Single doesn’t always mean available.  Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you are ready to date or be in a relationship. Many of the women in attendance at The Great Love Debate need to be under construction instead, they’re monkey barring from one man to the next.  Sometimes it’s good to sit down.  To get off the dating train and not date anyone but you.  Sometimes it’s necessary to get offline and focus on working out the kinks in your life.  Then and only then are you able to recognize and attract a great love.

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Something to think about…

What say you? Why do you think so many people are single? Is a college degree necessary? Have we become afraid of face-to-face communication? Is online dating a barrier to communication?

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Sabine Augustin June 7, 2016

Such a great read. I’ve had to tear up my “checklist” and allow God to do the searching for me. I’m single and under construction!!

Reply

Yvonne Chase June 8, 2016

@Sabine,

Single and under construction is a great place to be. Wish more singles saw the value in stepping away from the dating scene.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Unbearable, Single And Desperately SeekingMy Profile

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Yulunda June 9, 2016

Baby, this post is everything! You hit the nail on the head as I have known plenty educated jerks but, they are still dumb and ignorant! LOL :). Okay, so, that wasn’t very nice but it sure felt good to type.

I cannot understand why other people set time limits on when someone should ‘find’ the ‘right’ man and settle down or whatever.

Men are definitely trainable as I never tried to change my husband, just positioned things in the right way and did certain things around him that he naturally started to do.

I REALLY WISH MORE WOMEN KNEW HOW MUCH POWER WE HAVE!

Sorry for yelling Sis! LOL!
Yulunda

Reply

Yvonne Chase June 10, 2016

@Yulunda,

A male friend and I were talking about the Power women have and he echoed your sentiments. We talked about the power a woman has to influence a man in any direction, good or bad, without nagging, changing him or telling him what to do. That’s a skill!

Like you, I don’t know why people set time limits either. Life is life and it doesn’t happen the same for everyone. God has a unique and individual plan for all of us and that’s the time line we need to follow.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Unbearable, Single And Desperately SeekingMy Profile

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George Scheide June 29, 2016

46, single and happy! I’m still in the “if it happens, it happens” crowd. Relationships, jobs, homes, foods, it doesn’t matter what you’re talking about. I would rather want something I don’t have than have something I don’t want!

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Yvonne Chase June 29, 2016

@George Scheide

Well said, I would rather want something I don’t have then have something I don’t want.”

#singleandhappytoo
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Matthew McConaughey Was The Right PersonMy Profile

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