God Did Not Design Me For Singleness, He Designed Me For Marriage

by Yvonne Chase on April 9, 2018

Design For Singleness
“There are many reasons why being alone is not good for us, but the bottom line is that being alone is not ideal to God. The longer you intentionally delay marriage, the longer you’re remaining in a situation that God has deemed, “not good.” Ultimately, we are not designed for singleness, and except in rare circumstances, God desires for us to be married.” 

Culture’s Way Of Thinking
The above quote was found in the book Saved From Success, How God Can Free You From Culture’s Distortion of Family, Work and the Good Life by Dale Partridge. In his book, Dale asks, What if the world’s view of success is God’s definition of failure? 

What A Jerk!
Although I am single and have been more than I’ve been in romantic relationships, I agree with Dale and the above quote 100%. I believe God designed us for marriage, however, many of us are single because we are following the patterns of the world. P.S. a Christian man tried to shame me because I have not been in a slew of romantic relationships and I have not been in love with lots of men. What a jerk! That’s the way it supposed to be. 

Samsonite Collection
While single women in the world are slipping in and out of relationships, experiencing heartache and picking up all kinds of emotional baggage along the way, I’m not. Many are showing up to relationships with a Samsonite collection of baggage. Thank God for Jesus I only have a small carryon.

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Speak The Truth
I’m not scarred from a past of one broken relationship after the next nor am I jaded by men. This makes it easy to show up to a new experience with the ability to speak the truth of who I am without shame. It is what it is, I am who I am and you can either take it or leave it. I don’t say this to brag, instead, I say it because I sincerely want you to know this; you don’t need a slew of past relationships to prove you are a great catch. 

Serial Monogamy
Heartbreak and emotional baggage are why we can’t have relationships and why many have no desire for marriage. Women’s hearts have been broken into eight million pieces and as a result, she is now incapable of being in a relationship. Attracting a good man is impossible because she’s so broken. For the Christian, you are either single or married. There’s no provision in the Bible for serial monogamy which is the practice of going from one relationship to the next.

Love Him Well
A true Christian man would appreciate a woman who has saved herself from those woes because now it means she can love him well. She can look at him through a clean lens, not a foggy lens diluted by her past. 


Call To Singleness
Another thing Dale says that I agree with is this; “The reason most people choose to continue waiting to get married has little to do with the authenticity of their “call to singleness” or even needing to make sure they are with “the one.” Instead, it is highly driven by fear and selfishness.”

Hurtful To Men
The point about fear is so true especially for the divorced man who is afraid he will end up in another bad marriage. It’s also true for the never married man who says:

“If we want men to marry more, then make the divorce laws, alimony laws, custody laws, child support laws etc less onerous and hurtful to men. I am not married but when I do, I will make sure to get a prenup, make sure the wife has a high salary job and keeps working during the marriage, do my share of housework or even be a stay at home dad. In this way, a man can reduce the financial devastation if he is in the 50% of marriages that end in divorce.”

Deep Commitment
On the matter of selfishness, Dale says:

“Millions have bought into the lie that a covenant relationship with a spouse will somehow slow you down, prevent your ability to reach your potential, and prolong the achievement of your goals. 

However, the Bible stands in staunch opposition. The pages of God’s truth reveal that marriage often speeds up the growth of one’s character and maturity. It demonstrates that the practice of deep commitment strengthens our ability to accomplish God’s purpose.” 

Slow Us Down
Amen and amen. I see it every day, Christian men and women chasing the world’s definition of success solo because we’ve bought into the lie that a spouse will slow us down. We’re working on ourselves and trying to find ourselves before we marry. 

Afraid Of Getting Hurt
Guess what, there’s only but so much “working on ourselves” and “finding ourselves” we can do on our own. Many of us use this as a reason to remain single. It sounds good to say, I’m single because I’m working on myself when the real reason is I’m afraid of getting hurt again. 

Design You For Marriage
Yes, we have other relationships in our lives that aide in the growth of our character and maturity, however, I believe marriage is that one relationship that forces us to grow up whether we want to or not. In closing, I leave you with this, although God didn’t design you for singleness and I do believe he did design you for marriage, do your best to make the best choices while single.

Suitable Mate
While many believe you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you marry and serial monogamy is the path to meeting a suitable mate, I disagree. If you screen well, you don’t have to be in a relationship with every man you meet to get to know him. That’s why we go on dates; to listen, observe behavior and ask questions. Treat your dates like job interviews and don’t hire until you’re absolutely sure.

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Something to think about…

What say you? Does God desire us to be married? Did God design us for marriage? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below 

2. Share this post if you like it

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Kristi Woods April 13, 2018

“Treat your dates like job interviews and don’t hire until you’re absoltuely sure.” Yvonne, what wisdom here. Baggage is weighty, that’s for certain. With an approach like you’ve mentioned, much of that baggage will never appear. Visiting today via #faithonfire

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Yvonne Chase April 13, 2018

@Kristi,

You’re absolutely right and that is why I don’t have any heartwrenching, heartbreaking horror stories of relationships gone wrong and it’s why I’ve been single more than I’ve been in relationships.

Baggage is weighty. It gets in the way of creating great relationships. I do my best to keep mine to a minimum.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Where Did You Get Your Ideas About Marriage?My Profile

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Marva | SunSparkleShine April 14, 2018

Yvonne, I love that you speak so eloquently to these issues. Going against the grain is never easy and I pray God continues to encourage you as you share your heart and words.
Wishing you blessings!
Marva | SunSparkleShine recently posted…Why Any Day is a Good Time for a Fresh Start (and how to do it)My Profile

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Trina Taylor April 17, 2018

I happened to be watching Steve Harvey’s talk show today and they discussed this very subject.

Steve asked his panel how do we not let baggage from one relationship ruin another. Brooke Burke who recently filed for divorce said she will remember the good times and do her best to move on with grace.

Tamar Braxton said she will remember the past and take one Ziploc bag with her not an entire collection of baggage as a reminder.

I agree with you 100% about going in and out of relationships and picking up baggage along the way.

You’re smart to go against the grain as the previous commenter said.

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