Desperate Loser?

by Yvonne Chase on October 24, 2011

While coaching a client recently, I suggested she position herself to be found by setting up an online dating profile.  She was leery of the whole idea because according to her, I don’t want to seem like a desperate loser. 

Online dating is the way many people are meeting, greeting, courting and marrying today and its nothing to be ashamed of or feel desperate and like a loser about.  Hey ladies, did you know 98% of men on line are looking for monogamous relationships?

Actress Essence Atkins of Half and Half fame and the new sitcom Are We There Yet met her gorgeous hubby online and they are expecting their first child on Christmas day after three years of marriage.  Her reasons for going online are why I am a huge fan of the online dating process and why I encourage others to sign up.

In a recent interview with Essence magazine she was asked what led her to go online and here’s what she said, I put myself in the frame of mind where I wasn’t going to waste any more time.  A lot of people have questioned it like, “she’s so desperate.” What online dating did was offer me the opportunity to go out with a bunch of different people from different industries; I really didn’t want to limit myself with people who are in the entertainment industry. I wanted to date outside of the business but I didn’t have a network outside of the industry in L.A. I felt like going through the online system, it gave me permission to go out with someone once or twice and say, “you know it was really nice meeting you but I don’t feel any romantic chemistry,” and everyone just kind of accepts that as ‘OK, thank you.’

Essence is one hundred percent correct.  Online dating cuts out wasting time.  It gives you the opportunity to screen via the exchange of emails, IM, phone calls and if all goes well a face-to-face first date.   It also opens you up to a world of men that are outside of your immediate circle.

As my client prepares to move to a new city, online dating will give her an inside look at the men she has to look forward too and possibly a few dates prior to her arrival.  When I moved to LA six years ago, online dating gave me an excellent sampling of the men in this town.   I met a variety of men from all walks of life who took me on excellent dates.  Every guy looked like their photo and every guy was exactly who he said he was.  No stalkers, no crazies and no losers.

So, if you’re a girl like Essence and like me who values your time too much to waste it and you are ready for marriage, I suggest you give serious thought to online dating.  Take a pic that shines you in your best light, write an engaging profile and sign up.  You just might be the next one to say, I do.

Something to think about…

See also: Honesty Rocks

P.S. That’s Essence and her hubby in the photo up top.

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