Discipline And Dating With Kids Go Hand In Hand

by Yvonne Chase on August 13, 2018

Kids From A Previous Relationship
“Do you have the right to discipline the kid/s of your significant other? Does your significant other have the right to discipline your kid/s?” If you’re dating in the 21st century, chances are you have a kid/s from a previous relationship or your significant other does.

We Don’t Have The Same Values
My answer to the questions is yes. Why would you date me if you don’t trust me to discipline your kid? Clearly, we don’t have the same values.

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Transparent Conversation
Now, before you open up the door to let your significant-other discipline your kid/s, you need to have a very transparent conversation about discipline that includes the following questions:

  • What does discipline mean to you?
  • How does it look to you? Are you hitting? Yelling? Throwing the kid across the room? Snatching the kid? Are you having a civil conversation? Putting them in time out? What exactly are you doing when you discipline? 
  • Why do you discipline?
  • How were you disciplined?
  • Do you like the way you were disciplined?
  • What would you do differently?

Expose Our Kid/s
When I called into the show and added those questions to the conversation, Lenny thought they were excellent. He said, “Yvonne, those are great questions that we definitely need to discuss. I don’t think anyone asks those questions. I’m going to drill the next woman I date.” We need to discuss these questions and more before we even expose our kid/s to a significant other. 

Hold Off On Introducing
And when I say dating, I don’t mean casual dating. If that’s what you’re doing, you have no business exposing your kid/s to someone you don’t see in your life long-term and in a very significant way. I’d dare say unless you see marriage, you might want to hold off on introducing your kid/s. 

discipline
An Asset To His Life
I’ve only dated two men with children. One gentleman had a 12-year-old son that I never had to discipline because he did such a great job rearing him. My role in his life was more of a confidante and good friend that he could trust to advise him along the way. 

Trust Your Significant Other
In closing, I leave you with this question, if you don’t trust your significant other to discipline your kid/s, why on earth are you in that relationship?

Something to think about?

What say you? Did you date someone with kids? Were you allowed to discipline their kid/s? What are your thoughts on disciplining a significant others child? Would you date someone you didn’t trust to discipline your kid/s?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

P.S. I recorded a video on this topic that you can watch to the right in the video sidebar.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Ruth August 13, 2018

These are excellent questions to ask the person you’re dating seriously!

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Melissa Gendreau August 14, 2018

As a mental health therapist, I absolutely agree with your statement “I dare say unless you see marriage, you might want to hold off on introducing kid/s.” The children don’t need multiple people in and out of their life that they are being asked to connect with and trust. That leads to unnecessary feelings of rejection and abandonment.
Melissa Gendreau recently posted…Parenting Consistency: Learn Why It’s ImportantMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase August 17, 2018

@Melissa,

You are absolutely right when you say, “The children don’t need multiple people in and out of their life…”

Parents need to take extra caution when dating with kids. We are living in a crazy world where oftentimes it’s hard to know who’s who and what’s what.

Kids don’t need to feel any kind of unnecessary rejection and abandonment.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…No One Really Wants To Be Single For A LifetimeMy Profile

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Emily | To Unearth August 14, 2018

An awesome list here! I hope it encourages those in dating relationships while kids are at home to be wise in those relationships. Thanks for spreading wisdom on this topic. 🙂 Enjoyed being your neighbor on #TeaAndWord today!
Emily | To Unearth recently posted…Three things the elderly teach usMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase August 17, 2018

@Emily,

Above all else, we need a whole lot of wisdom, especially when dating with kids. I tell you what, if I had a kid, I wouldn’t introduce my kid to anyone unless we were headed down the aisle. Kids need to be protected at all cost.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…I Was Called To Marry HIMMy Profile

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Trina Taylor August 15, 2018

“Right” is a strong word but I do get the essence of the question.

If a person is dating with kids, this is an important conversation to have and the excellent questions you provide are a great place to start.

I agree with the mental therapist about when to introduce kids to a relationship. You definitely want to avoid a revolving door of different faces.

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Yvonne Chase August 17, 2018

@Trina,

“Right” is a strong word. Avoiding a revolving door of suitors is a must. Don’t want to confuse the kid.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Discipline And Dating With Kids Go Hand In HandMy Profile

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Donna Reidland August 16, 2018

I certainly couldn’t say it any better than you did, Yvonne! Lots of wisdom here!
Donna Reidland recently posted…“Should You Admonish a Sinning Brother or Sister?” August 16My Profile

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Sue August 17, 2018

I totally agree with your final question “…. if you don’t trust your significant other to discipline your kid/s, why on earth are you in that relationship?” That would have been a deal-breaker for me.
When I dated my (now) husband, there were times I needed to guide/discipline his teens, but mostly not as he was doing a great job of parenting them already. Great post!
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Yvonne Chase August 17, 2018

@Sue,

Yea, I don’t get that either. No way I would date a man who didn’t trust me to discipline/guide his kid/s. A definite dealbreaker for me too. We need to exercise a lot of wisdom in this thing called dating.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…I’m Scared To Marry The Wrong Person And Live In HellMy Profile

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Ashley Rowland | HISsparrowBlog August 21, 2018

I’m so glad you added that this goes for serious relationships with marriage as the goal. I’ve seen way too many people with children allow the boyfriend of the moment move right in to all aspects of their lives and treat the child however they want, and it makes me cry inside for that child.

I completely agree with you that you should only date with the long-view in mind – AKA marriage, and you probably shouldn’t be considering marriage if you don’t trust them to discipline your kids.

Great post, Yvonne.
Ashley Rowland | HISsparrowBlog recently posted…Prayer Journals: Should You Have One?My Profile

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Yvonne Chase August 22, 2018

@Ashley,

That part: You probably shouldn’t be considering marriage if you don’t trust them to discipline your kids.

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KellyRBaker August 23, 2018

These are great questions for engaged and married couples as well!
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