Dogs And Romance Don’t Go Together For Ashima

by Yvonne Chase on November 25, 2019

I am terrified of dogs and have been since I was a child growing up in Nassau Bahamas. Here’s the thing, we had two dogs of our own; Gilda and Flip. Gilda was a sweet dog and Flip was a black shiny wild dog. Our dogs never came into the house. They stayed in the back yard in their dog house.

For me, dogs are a relationship dealbreaker. I couldn’t date or marry a man with a dog/s especially not with the way people treat dogs today. Dogs are treated better than people and that really disturbs my soul. People sleep with their dogs, eat with their dogs, talks to their dogs and watch TV with their dogs as if the dog is a person. People have an unnatural affinity toward dogs that’s very off-putting to me. I don’t get it!

On the latest episode of Ready To Love, Ashima and Darin are at a crossroads because he has two Labradors. Dogs are not her thing. When she went to his home, she was so uncomfortable that she asked if he could put them away. He said he could, however, they would bark the entire time. Ashima is a better woman than me because once I found out he has dogs, I would be done. I don’t go to people’s houses who have dogs because I never want to put you in an uncomfortable situation of putting them away for me. That’s not fair to you!

dogs

Twitter had a lot to say about this ordeal. Some people said if he really cared about her and wanted to be with her, he would put his dogs away. One person said, “Relationships, dating, and marriage are about compromise and many are single and will remain single if they can’t learn to prayerfully discern what should truly be a major dealbreaker.”

Another person said, If the chemistry is amazing and a man really likes you and wants to be with you then he will find a way especially when it’s something as simple as having dogs in his living space. One woman said, “My husband is a smoker and has dogs; two things I do not like and are dealbreakers for me but he did not choose dogs and cigarettes over me. We compromised. He smokes outside only and when we did have dogs, they remained outside in their space where they belong. When God ordains you to be with someone, they will not be perfect and you shouldn’t expect them to be perfect unless you are perfect. This way of thinking is why many end up in messy relationships and marriages.

God has nothing to do with it and neither does being perfect and expecting perfection. Obviously, dogs and cigarette smoking are not a dealbreaker for her because if they were, they would break the deal. There would be no marriage. I hate cigarette smoke! There is no way I would ever date a man who smokes anything even if he smoked miles away. Smoke lingers. It stinks and to me, it’s a disgusting habit!

dogs

There’s something unfair about putting a man in a situation that makes him choose between you and what’s important to him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you or like you and blah, blah, blah. Darin made it clear that his dogs are a part of his life. He said, “I have a fifteen-year-old son and two dogs. We’re a family.” His dogs sleep in the bed with him sometimes and they have free reign in his home. No place is off-limits to them.

Ashima is grossed out like me at a dog coming anywhere near the bed or even sitting on the couch. Why would you want to be in a relationship with that dynamic? I foresee all kinds of tension and resentment.

And this is why we date. Now is the time for Ashima to say you know what, Darin is a nice guy, however, dogs are not my thing in the way that they are his thing, therefore, I’m going to pass on him and continue meeting and greeting until I meet someone more on the same page. Even if Ashima got over her fear of dogs, they have very different views on how they live, move, and have their being.

dogs

Ashima stated clearly, I’m from the South. Dogs belong outside. How could that ever work if they were to begin a relationship? I don’t think it would. Darin is not wrong and Ashima is not wrong. They simply are not a match! It’s okay. There are 7 billion people on the planet. The sooner Ashima and Darin stop trying to force a square peg into a round hole, the sooner they can get on with the business of meeting one of the 7 billion to find a better match. 

You can’t want to be in a relationship so badly that you are willing to accept something that doesn’t work for you now and wouldn’t work for you in the long run. Dating is the time to set yourself up for long term success. You have to be strong enough and solid enough while dating to really look at the big picture and be willing to walk away if it wouldn’t work long-term. Knowing your dealbreakers and honoring them makes it easy to walk away. 

Something to think about…

What say you? Do you think a relationship could work between Ashima and Darren in spite of his dogs? Can a relationship work if there’s a deal breaker? What’s your definition of deal breaker? 

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Sandra November 25, 2019

Dogs are a loving asset in a Committed & Loving Relationship. I believe it’s wonderful whenever a man has a
dog(s).

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Anita Ojeda November 26, 2019

I don’t mind well-behaved dogs that have boundaries, but smoking? Ick!

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Yvonne Chase December 3, 2019

@Anita,

I feel you on smoking; ick! And yes, a well-behaved dog with boundaries could work for me.
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Lisa notes November 26, 2019

We used to have outside dogs, but currently have none, and I love it. 🙂 My youngest daughter just lost her childhood dog yesterday to old age. It was SO sad for all of us to lose that sweet Golden Retriever. I don’t know about Ashima and Darren, but I’d guess that there are bigger obstacles that have been overcome so they might could figure something out with this one. ?

Have a blessed Thanksgiving, Yvonne!

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Lauren Renee Sparks November 27, 2019

My issue was my husband’s cat. I was allergic. He found a good home for him that was not ours. laurensparks.net
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Tracey Carr December 1, 2019

I think there always has to be compromise in a relationship but there are also limits to this. You cannot compromise yourself too much at the same time. Maintaining your own personal standards and feelings are very important – for me this would be a dealbreaker. It is too much of a compromise. Thank you so much for linking up to #globalblogging and hope to see you back next week x

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Yvonne Chase December 3, 2019

@Tracey,

Compromise is one thing and much needed in healthy relationships, however, as you said, you cannot compromise yourself too much.

I believe this is why many relationships don’t work. Instead of being crystal clear about what works and what doesn’t, so many are operating from a place of scarcity and accepting the unacceptable then expecting it to work.

As another commenter said, dogs are great, healing and necessary to well being and I do believe they are. I wanted my elderly father to get a dog because of the great benefit they are to our overall well being and believe it or not, I will probably get my own dog one day, however, it will be treated like a dog and not a person. It will not be in my bed and it definitely will not be in my kitchen, couch or elsewhere. It’s a dog!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Dogs And Romance Don’t Go Together For AshimaMy Profile

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Roseann Hampton December 1, 2019

I do believe you must set your boundaries and stick with them! Thanks for sharing with us at The Blogger’s Pit Stop!

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Maree Dee December 3, 2019

I love dogs!! You might be missing out. Plus, for some, they are healing and necessary to their well-being.

However, I would have to draw the line if someone I was dating had a snake. I despise those. Yes, I agree it is useful to date and figure these things out.

However, relationships are all about compromise. If people love each other, they will find a way to work it out.

Thank you for sharing with Grace & Truth Link-Up.

Maree
Maree Dee recently posted…How to Endure Life with a Broken HeartMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase December 3, 2019

@Maree,

Relationships are indeed about compromise, however, there is no compromise where there’s a deal-breaker. As you said about snakes, you despise them. How much compromising would you be willing to do to be in a relationship with a snake owner? I hope your answer is none because that relationship probably would not work for you.

And that is the point of this post. It’s not about dogs. It’s about being clear about what works for you and what won’t work for you in a relationship and having the courage to say no to it; in your case, snakes, in my case dogs, so that you are free to say yes to what would work for you which increases the possibility of a successful relationship..
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Dogs And Romance Don’t Go Together For AshimaMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase December 3, 2019

@Anita,

I feel you on smoking; ick! And yes, a well-behaved dog with boundaries could work for me.

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