I am terrified of dogs and have been since I was a child growing up in Nassau Bahamas. Here’s the thing, we had two dogs of our own; Gilda and Flip. Gilda was a sweet dog and Flip was a black shiny wild dog. Our dogs never came into the house. They stayed in the back yard in their dog house.
For me, dogs are a relationship dealbreaker. I couldn’t date or marry a man with a dog/s especially not with the way people treat dogs today. Dogs are treated better than people and that really disturbs my soul. People sleep with their dogs, eat with their dogs, talks to their dogs and watch TV with their dogs as if the dog is a person. People have an unnatural affinity toward dogs that’s very off-putting to me. I don’t get it!
On the latest episode of Ready To Love, Ashima and Darin are at a crossroads because he has two Labradors. Dogs are not her thing. When she went to his home, she was so uncomfortable that she asked if he could put them away. He said he could, however, they would bark the entire time. Ashima is a better woman than me because once I found out he has dogs, I would be done. I don’t go to people’s houses who have dogs because I never want to put you in an uncomfortable situation of putting them away for me. That’s not fair to you!
Twitter had a lot to say about this ordeal. Some people said if he really cared about her and wanted to be with her, he would put his dogs away. One person said, “Relationships, dating, and marriage are about compromise and many are single and will remain single if they can’t learn to prayerfully discern what should truly be a major dealbreaker.”
Another person said, If the chemistry is amazing and a man really likes you and wants to be with you then he will find a way especially when it’s something as simple as having dogs in his living space. One woman said, “My husband is a smoker and has dogs; two things I do not like and are dealbreakers for me but he did not choose dogs and cigarettes over me. We compromised. He smokes outside only and when we did have dogs, they remained outside in their space where they belong. When God ordains you to be with someone, they will not be perfect and you shouldn’t expect them to be perfect unless you are perfect. This way of thinking is why many end up in messy relationships and marriages.
God has nothing to do with it and neither does being perfect and expecting perfection. Obviously, dogs and cigarette smoking are not a dealbreaker for her because if they were, they would break the deal. There would be no marriage. I hate cigarette smoke! There is no way I would ever date a man who smokes anything even if he smoked miles away. Smoke lingers. It stinks and to me, it’s a disgusting habit!
There’s something unfair about putting a man in a situation that makes him choose between you and what’s important to him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you or like you and blah, blah, blah. Darin made it clear that his dogs are a part of his life. He said, “I have a fifteen-year-old son and two dogs. We’re a family.” His dogs sleep in the bed with him sometimes and they have free reign in his home. No place is off-limits to them.
Ashima is grossed out like me at a dog coming anywhere near the bed or even sitting on the couch. Why would you want to be in a relationship with that dynamic? I foresee all kinds of tension and resentment.
And this is why we date. Now is the time for Ashima to say you know what, Darin is a nice guy, however, dogs are not my thing in the way that they are his thing, therefore, I’m going to pass on him and continue meeting and greeting until I meet someone more on the same page. Even if Ashima got over her fear of dogs, they have very different views on how they live, move, and have their being.
Ashima stated clearly, I’m from the South. Dogs belong outside. How could that ever work if they were to begin a relationship? I don’t think it would. Darin is not wrong and Ashima is not wrong. They simply are not a match! It’s okay. There are 7 billion people on the planet. The sooner Ashima and Darin stop trying to force a square peg into a round hole, the sooner they can get on with the business of meeting one of the 7 billion to find a better match.
You can’t want to be in a relationship so badly that you are willing to accept something that doesn’t work for you now and wouldn’t work for you in the long run. Dating is the time to set yourself up for long term success. You have to be strong enough and solid enough while dating to really look at the big picture and be willing to walk away if it wouldn’t work long-term. Knowing your dealbreakers and honoring them makes it easy to walk away.
Something to think about…
What say you? Do you think a relationship could work between Ashima and Darren in spite of his dogs? Can a relationship work if there’s a deal breaker? What’s your definition of deal breaker?
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