Emptiness And Loneliness Are Unattractive To Men

by Yvonne Chase on December 1, 2016

“Women who live with their boyfriends, who give husband privileges, are the ones that get married….have the husband. They may live with their boyfriend for several years but in the end…they’re married, their dreams came true.  I have been faithful, trusting and obedient to the Lord for 24 yrs. and my reward is still loneliness…singleness.

There was someone at work that I fell in love with and it had gotten to the point where I was tired of waiting, tired of being alone, tired of year after year going by without answered prayer….that if he had asked me to be with him, I would’ve said yes. Then I realized that I had spiritually come to a dangerous point where I would’ve willingly sinned against God….so I left my job.  I loved him, I loved him (and still do)…but I loved God even more. And yet he’s shacked up with someone for the past year and a half and they are “very happy”…. while I’m the one paying the price and still lonely.  

Even Christians, are living together and getting married. They liked what they test drove, the make, and model, and decided to buy it. Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me? What’s so wrong with me that I don’t get looked at or even asked out? If even Christian men seek wives outside the church and since I’m not going to be sleeping around/shacking up, what hope do I have outside of God answering prayer? And yet every year the answer is emptiness and loneliness. This is something that hurts and is a struggle.  Any advice? Thanks.”

Create An Amazing Life
The devil is such a liar! I can’t stand him! He fed her a plate of lies and she ate them all up.  I need her to vomit them out immediately. The shining star in all of this is her courage.  It takes courage to be transparent.  So many of us pretend all is well when it’s not. I appreciate every ounce of her courage and I want her to use that courage to get out there and create an amazing life.

You Are More Than Your Relationship Status
As I read her story, the one verse that came to mind was Galatians 6:4 which tells us not to compare ourselves/our lives to others. Comparing our lives to others is the thief of joy. Her joy is gone because she’s spending so much time comparing her life to others. How do you know they’re “very happy?” Anyone can put on a great public show.

They Put On A Show
Bible teacher Joyce Meyer has talked openly about how she and her husband Dave put on lots of public shows during the early years of their marriage.  They’d fight tooth and nail on their way to church then turn into a loving couple as soon as they pulled into the church parking lot. It’s why I’m not a fan of the hashtag #relationshipgoals. Why would I make your marriage, a marriage I know nothing about my goals? 

Marriage Won’t Fix It
Now let’s talk about the emptiness and loneliness you’re feeling.  It is your responsibility to fix that now. Marriage won’t fix it. And guess what, no man wants to be with a woman clothed in emptiness and loneliness. You will attract the wrong man into your life if you continue in this state.  Men can sense loneliness and emptiness. It makes them flee.

Be Content No Matter What
It’s time to take advantage of your season of singleness.  What are you doing with your life? You have gifts, talents, and abilities.  There’s a big world out there that needs what you have to offer.  Do you even know what you have to offer? Have you figured out what your unique gift is? What your unique talent is? What your unique abilities are? The more you get involved in life the less lonely and empty you will feel.  

It Doesn’t Make Sense
Perhaps you’re single because you haven’t obeyed God. I believe disobedience is the reason many are single. Maybe he wants you to pack up and move to another city or country. Here’s what I know for sure, if we want to experience an abundant life and receive everything God has for us, we must obey even when it doesn’t make sense.

Not My Cup Of Tea
My single life was full of adventure because of obedience.  Back in 1996, I made a decision to obey God no matter what. When God said go, I packed and left. That level of obedience led me on two cross country moves, living and working in Amsterdam for two weeks (loved it), living in San Francisco briefly (I gagged at the large homeless population) then moving to Atlanta for six months (hated it) before returning to NYC (not my cup of tea but I can handle it.)

I’m Exhausted
So much happened in between those moves; amazing experiences, lots of personal growth, lots of trials and tribulations and most importantly, it’s when I came into a full understanding of who I am and how God put me together. It’s how I discovered my gifts, talents and abilities and what I have to offer to the world. I’m exhausted thinking about all I’ve done and accomplished in my single life.

You’re Single, You’re Not Sick
Here’s my final piece of advice; focus on the present; what you have in front of you, what you have in your hand. What’s happening today, right now, in this moment not what you wish were happening. You’re single. You’re not sick! You want to be married. Great! Obey God and he will lead you in that direction. Shacking up is not what you want to do. The consequences are not worth it! 

Something to think about…

What say you? What role does obedience play in achieving the desires of our heart? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Ami Coote December 1, 2016

Another point to note: sometimes it’s when we stop looking for a mate that God answers our prayer for companionship.


Yvonne Chase December 3, 2016


Excellent point! Sometimes we need to stop looking and let God go to work on our behalf.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Family Dysfunction, Thanksgiving Dinner And JosephMy Profile


Ruth December 3, 2016

Great advice! I’m sharing with a friend.
Thanks for posting this! 🙂


Lori December 3, 2016

I could have written those very words when I was single and struggling with singleness. Staying obedient to the Lord in every part of your life is a must. During that time, I focused on my career, teaching school. His timing is not always what we want, but He will either do two things – provide your heart’s desire, or He will soften your heart to the idea of being single. I have to agree with the above comment about God providing when we stop looking, because I’m a testament to that.Thanks, Yvonne for sharing with Thankful Thursdays.
Lori recently posted…5 Pages from My Journal: the Book of PsalmsMy Profile


Yvonne Chase December 3, 2016


I like your point about God softening our heart to the idea of being single.

Also, staying obedient to the Lord is an absolute must. His timing is usually not our timing, however, his timing is always best.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Weird Feelings, President Trump And Wimpy ChristiansMy Profile


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