Family And House Guests Are Just Like Fish

by Yvonne Chase on January 13, 2014

familyDifferent Strokes For Different Folks
Last night on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Phaedra finally said something I agree with 100%.  She said, “Family and house guests are just like fish.  After three days they all need to be thrown out.” Yes! She made that statement in response to Cynthia’s sister Malorie showing up to her house unannounced then dropping the bomb on Cynthia that she plans to stay for two months.  According to Malorie, they’re family so it’s okay.  Cynthia can show up to her house anytime and her husband wouldn’t mind at all because she’s family so why shouldn’t the reverse be true.  The reverse shouldn’t be true because there’s a thing called different strokes for different folks.

Respect My House
Nothing about that is okay.  Hey Malorie, just because it works for your house doesn’t mean it will work for Cynthia.  You need to respect Cynthia’s house and ask first especially if you plan to stay two months.  Also, just because you’re family, doesn’t mean she wants you staying with her and just because you’re family, doesn’t mean she has to say yes.  As a married woman and as her sister, you ought to understand that.  And CynthiaYou don’t make major decisions like that without discussing it with your husband, family or not!

He Had No Say
Peter, Cynthia’s husband and Malorie are not fans of each other so he was not happy when Cynthia told him she was staying for two months.  Like Peter said, “My wife didn’t give me the courtesy of letting me know.”  She told him.  He had no say in the matter.  Again, nothing about that is okay.  Furthermore, I think it’s pretty selfish of Malorie to impose a two month stay considering her feelings toward Peter.  She hid the marriage certificate to stop them from getting married.  In addition, the timing is bad for Cynthia and Peter because they’re going through a rough patch in their marriage.  If I was Cynthia, I would’ve called up the nearest hotel then dropped her off.

Preserve My Family Relationships
One of my rules for visiting family especially married family members is I stay at a hotel.  I don’t want to see or know what’s going on in your house.  I might see something I don’t like then say something and create a big problem.  Been there done that and not doing it again.  Since then, I’ve put that boundary in place not only to protect me but also to preserve my family relationships.  With that said, here are my rules for visiting/staying with married family members:

  • Let them know in advance.  Its called common courtesy.  Like common sense, it doesn’t seem to be common however, from this day forward, remember to give your family members the advance courtesy.  Isn’t that what you would want?
  • Reserve a hotel just in caseLike I said above, staying at a hotel is one of my boundaries.  Its much easier for everyone involved.   Sure you might save a few dollars staying with family but peace of mind is priceless.
  • Don’t be mad if they say noRemember, just because you’re family doesn’t mean I have to say yes.

Something to think about…

What say you? How do you feel about family staying with you?

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Christy @ AWTWD January 16, 2014

You know Yvonne, their relationship is just too much.. Well, let me say that Mal is too much. It’s almost as if she wants her sister to be single. Peter walked in to Bar One and said his wife didn’t say she was coming. Mallory interjects that he didn’t tell Cynthia that he bought a new car… WRONG! Then last episode they having a discussion. I don’t know why she feels so comfortable butting in. But she was like are you arguing because of no sex.. WHOA, Mal!!!! Not your place.. To me, it’s weird! Oh! and visiting you from Being A Wordsmith 😉

Reply

Yvonne Chase January 16, 2014

Christy,

Mal wouldn’t have so much input if Cynthia didn’t share the details of her marriage. I understand they are sisters but there needs to be a boundary. I’m from the school of thought that says I don’t discuss the intimate details of my marriage with anyone but my husband or some professional like a counselor who’s helping us work through a problem.

Mal would never be able to mention Cynthia’s sex life if Cynthia didn’t tell her about it furthermore, Peter was wrong for continuing the conversation with her. I would’ve politely told her, you crossed the line when you decided to drop in for two months and you’re crossed the line mentioning my sex life then I would pull Cynthia aside and let her know to keep her sister out of our business.

Thanks for stopping by!

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naijawife January 16, 2014

Yvonne are you going to touch on that “man cave” issue? That was some seriously messy nonsense!

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Kimberly H. Smith January 17, 2014

Hi Yvonne! I love how you put a spotlight on valid issues that reality shows are displaying. Especially on RHOA. Hubby and I discussed this the other night when it aired. I told him that Cynthia was wrong for not pulling Peter aside and letting him know that Mal was staying for 2 months. That was not a discussion to have in front of Mal even if you are being filmed. Cynthia also didn’t need to blame it on Mal to Peter as though Mal were not standing there–regardless of Mal’s intrusion. I do love how Peter keeps it 100 though!

A lot of what occurred on this episode has happened to me. I have made the mistake of telling friends personal things that they repeated in front of Hubby casually. Things that he would rather no one else know. Not good. So I don’t overshare with certain friends anymore. Secondly, I had an out-of-town family member come to our home for a visit several years ago and I assumed it was for a week. When she arrived, she dropped the bomb that it would be for 3 weeks. I was offended, uncomfortable, and did not handle things well. I pride myself on being a very gracious host when someone comes to my home. But I felt that was a complete lack of respect for my space and my time. It’s all water under the bridge now, but it’s something that won’t happen again. LOL

Thanks for linking up to Traffic Jam Weekend, Yvonne!

Reply

Yvonne Chase January 17, 2014

Kimberly,

As bad as much of reality TV is, there are lots of good lessons. I’m here to extract the good from the bad:-)

I was happy when Cynthia apologized to Peter in front of Mal for not discussing it with him beforehand. That whole “we’re sisters” talk drives me nuts. We can still be sisters even if I say no and drive you down the street to the nearest hotel.

Over-sharing and discussing the intimate details of your marriage with friends is not the best idea. I’m sure wives like Cynthia mean well when they share with friends/siblings but you just never know how it will end so I believe its best to keep a tight lip on the intimate details of your marriage.

I always love linking up on your Traffic Jam Weekend. Thanks for stopping by with a great comment.

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Mrs.AOK January 18, 2014

So… I’m behind on my shows….
Needless to say, it’s just RUDE to pop-up on anyone for a surprise two month stay.. the end.
The fact that these two already have bad-blood, it’s surprising to me she would even *want* to stay for two months.

xoxo

Reply

Yvonne Chase January 18, 2014

@Mrs.AOK, Its beyond rude to pop up for a two month stay. Me personally, I despise staying with people. Its all good until you get there. If a hotel isn’t in my budget, then neither is a visit.

Count on me to keep you up to date on your shows:-)

Thanks for stopping by!

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