Filed Divorce Papers
Divorce has been on my mind a lot lately. You’re probably wondering why since I’m a never married single woman right? Well, divorce is the breakdown of a marriage that two people couldn’t make work. Marriage is a relationship. Whether single or married, we have relationships in our lives that just don’t work no matter what we do or how hard we try and that is why I finally filed. This divorce has been a long time coming.
The Best Course Of Action Is Disconnection
For many years, I have been in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship with my family. Everything hit the fan on Christmas Day. It got ugly! Things were said that needed to be said. I got to see what people are really made of and decided the best course of action for me is disconnection.
Speak Up For Yourself
You are in a verbal and emotionally abusive relationship if you are made wrong when you are wronged and you speak up for yourself. The abuser is not held accountable for their actions but you are nailed to the cross because you have the courage to speak up for yourself or speak out when you see wrong happening in your presence that ultimately affects you.
Labeled A Troublemaker
In her book, The Relationship Fix, Dr. Jenn Mann describes this perfectly. She says, “Questioning authority is perceived as a threat to family values. To question the leader/abuser is to potentially undermine his power and influence over the entire family system. The challenger typically gets labeled as a troublemaker to disempower him and keep others from listening to him.”
We Just Can’t Work It Out
We’ve often heard the term, irreconcilable differences as the primary reason many file for divorce. In an article on the Today Show website; 6 Reasons Why People Divorce, irreconcilable differences is on the list. The article says, “Simply put, we just can’t work it out. There’s no hope.” There are too many differences or too many problems that can’t be worked out. The marriage has broken down. There may be grave fights, stonewalling, hostility, anger, you name it.” The reason I filed for divorce is irreconcilable differences.
I Will Not Allow You To Treat Me This Way
Prior to writing this post, I saw a video on Instagram by Oprah Winfrey that said, “Sometimes you have to divorce your friends and your family members. If you handle them with love in doing it, they will come back, you will have an opportunity to reconcile. I speak from what I know. I’ve had family members for whom I’ve said, I will not allow you to treat me this way. When you get some sense, call me and let me know your senses have returned.”
Take Steps To Heal
As Dr. Jenn says in her book and I’ve always believed, “DNA does not give a person the right to abuse you. You always have the option to step away if that person does not own their hurtful behavior, make amends, work to develop new insight and change behavior. While you can’t change your past, you are responsible for how you react to it, and it is your choice to take steps to heal from it.”
I Believe In Forgiveness
I can no longer be a part of something that’s not good for me, that doesn’t treat me well and labels me a troublemaker, calls me crazy and tells me I need to seek help because I have the courage to speak up for myself. While I believe in forgiveness, I don’t believe in staying in relationships with people no matter who they are if they continue to traumatize me and hurt me. You shouldn’t either.
The Way We Value Ourselves
Dr. Jenn continues with, “We all have a bottom line, a marker that separates upsetting behavior from deal-breaking behavior. It is a line that makes it impossible to stay in a relationship once it has been crossed. True bottom lines come from our own morals and the way we value ourselves. This stance comes from self-esteem, not a desire to manipulate.”
Sanity And Health
So, as we close out 2017, think about who you need to divorce then do it for your own sanity, health, and healing. 2018 is a big year for me. I plan to bring it in in a big way. Come back to the blog later this week to see what I do on New Year’s Day to get my year off to a great start. P.S. I’m not advocating ending your marriage. This post is solely about divorcing friends and family members.
What say you? Have you ever filed divorce papers outside of marriage? What do you think about divorcing friends and family members?
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