Gender Stereotypes Are Ruining Our Relationships

by Yvonne Chase on January 14, 2016

You’re A Man
The other day, I was having a conversation with a male friend about gyms.  In addition to a weight room, machines and classes, the perfect gym for him must have a steam room and sauna.  The gym closest to him has neither, however, it’s within walking distance from his home which doesn’t inconvenience him in any way. My gym is a bit of a distance from him but still easily accessible and it has a lovely steam room and sauna.  He may have to go a little bit out of his way but it’s totally doable.  When I told him the location, he began to whine and complain about how it’s so out of his way.  The more he whined, the more turned off I became and yelled, “You’re a man!” And he replied, “I know but!” 

A Man Makes It Happen
In my world, there is no “But” when you’re a man.  A man is not supposed to whine and complain the way he did about something so simple.  In my world, it’s nothing for a man to be inconvenienced.  In my world, a man goes out of his way to make it happen.  You see, I grew up in the Caribbean where men are known for their work ethic and getting stuff done.  Yea, you’re human so you may not like what you have to do but you suck it up and you do it.  That’s all I saw growing up.  It’s what I know, it’s what I expect and it’s what I like in a man.   A man makes it happen and gets it done period…whatever it is. 

Man Up!
The conversation and exchange with my friend brought to mind Sam and Neil on Married At First Sight. While I don’t agree with Sam calling Neil out of his name, I get where she’s coming from. I get what she means when she says she wants Neil to man up.  She wants him to speak up and be more assertive not aggressive in their marriage.  A guy that lays back in the cut is not what she wants.  She wants to be with a guy that exudes “I make it happen” energy.  Neil doesn’t exude that kind of energy however, he is more than capable of stepping up and making it happen.  I think there’s room for Neil to be the laid back in the cut guy that he is while being assertive and stepping up in a way that makes Sam feel taken care of in their marriage. Does that make sense?

gender
God Makes No Mistakes
Women and men are different.  I get it and I’m glad we’re different.  God made us that way and he makes no mistakes.  Women talk more than men but that doesn’t mean a man can’t be talkative.  Women tend to be more emotional because of our hormonal makeup but that doesn’t mean a man is emotionless. Men tend to be more logical but that doesn’t mean women can’t be logical. Women are wired to be nurturing but that doesn’t mean a man can’t be nurturing.  Some women cry a lot while others don’t.  Some men never cry.

Men Carry Around A Lot Of Pain
I was talking to an older gentleman who lost his daughter.  He told me he can’t cry.  I’ve never seen him cry.  I feel sad for him that he can’t cry.  Holding in those tears is affecting him in other ways.  Men carry around a lot of pain because many are taught to suck it up, be tough and man up but then we want that same man to be talkative and be emotionally available in a relationship.  If we’re raising our boys to be tough, how can we expect them to be tender?

Indecisive Sappy Crying Men
Now listen, I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live in a world of indecisive, sappy, crying, men nor do I want to live in a world of cruel, blunt, emotionally unavailable men.  I’d love to live in a world of assertive, decisive, logical, emotionally available men who are sensitive of others feelings and fully capable of communicating and sharing his heart with kindness.  A balance of the chart above would work well for me.  What about you?

Something to think about…

What say you? If we’re raising our boys to be tough, how can we expect them to be tender? Are gender stereotypes ruining our relationships? How are you raising your boys? 

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Sonny Cia January 14, 2016

I think the world has changed greatly from the days when men didn’t show emotion or women were dependent. Today’s world I see independent women all the time. Single parents, business executives, entrepreneurs etc. Also men of today aren’t afraid to so emotion. The other night the POTUS shed some tears when remembering the children that have been struck down by gun violence. I remember shedding some tears when my father passed away which was odd considering most of my early life we didn’t get along well at all. I get what you mean about not wanting a whiny mamas boy but I also believe that real men can still be manly and show emotion when the situation warrants it.

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Yvonne Chase January 15, 2016

@Sonny,

I do believe a man can still be manly and show emotion, however, I don’t know how easy it will be considering men are still being raised to be tough and suck it up. How do you raise a boy to be tender?
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Brandy Never Wants To Get Married And That’s OkayMy Profile

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