Is It Okay To Go Dutch On The Engagement Ring?

by Yvonne Chase on October 2, 2013

dutch

Women Want To Contribute
I have never heard of going Dutch on an engagement ring have you? Apparently some women want to contribute to the cost of the ring especially in cases where they want a bigger diamond or a different style than what he has in mind.  Where did this ridiculous idea come from? We are definitely living in a world of relationship confusion.

What Happened To The Strong Independent Woman?
Earlier today I had a conversation with a group of folks about chivalry.  Women were adamant about men being chivalrous while men want to know what happened to the strong independent woman who is doing the most to be equal to them.  If women start contributing to the cost of the engagement ring, doesn’t that interfere with him being chivalrous?  How is it that we say we want him to be chivalrous yet we won’t let him? Watch the video clip below and we’ll talk after…

Way Out of Left Field
This is not a little out of left field.  This is way out of left field and wrong on so many levels.  I don’t care what year it is, some traditions do not need to be broken.  Splitting the cost is just as bad as proposing to him.  Completely out of order.  How about we let men be men and do what they are called to do.  Let him buy the ring, then let him propose and wait for our answer.

Something to think about…

What say you? Is it okay to go dutch on the engagement ring? Did you go dutch on your engagement ring? Ladies, what would you do if he asked you to contribute to the cost of your engagement ring?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1.  Leave a comment below

2.  Share this post if you like it

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Sheila Skillingstead October 4, 2013

I too, find the idea of sharing the cost of the engagement ring as odd. I wonder though if it might start some conversations about traditional ways of paying for weddings. As a mother who paid for three weddings, it took a lot of sacrifice to be able to do that. Visiting from Sharefest. Enjoy your Day. I love chivalry and my best friend who I have been married to for forty years.

Reply

Yvonne Chase October 5, 2013

Hi Sheila,

Congrats on being married to your best friend of forty years. That’s a beautiful thing.

I understand your conversation around the cost of weddings. They’re ridiculously expensive. Me personally…I don’t like weddings. That’s a tradition that definitely needs to be broken.

I’m all for getting married in the pastor’s office or down at the Justice of the Peace or even in your living room. Put the money you would spend on a wedding towards the cost of a home. Most people go into debt paying for a wedding.

Thanks for stopping by…

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Shauna @ Momma Candy October 5, 2013

I don’t like it one bit.

I believe a man planning to propose and planning for a ring is planning for a future. It’s a symbol that he is committed to his woman. So committed that he is carefully saving and choosing a ring worthy of her.

But, I’m traditional. I think if you want a man who wants to go halvsies on the ring, you probably don’t want something traditional.

Reply

Yvonne Chase October 5, 2013

Shauna,

I don’t like it one bit either. Like you, I’m traditional. The guy paying for the ring is one tradition that does not need to be messed with.

When a woman goes dutch on the ring especially for the reasons mentioned, it seems like she cares more about the ring. Something about it just doesn’t sit well with me.

Thanks for stopping by…

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Iris @ The Blue Birdhouse October 5, 2013

Women are becoming more and more froward. I am very traditional…..but really. Women nowadays wonder where the “real” men are but if they always want to diminish and take over the man’s role….how can the “real men” survive.

My opinion is to just let the man choose the ring. Sure, give him idea on what you like but it is so much more romantic and sweet if he buys it and can surprise is girl.

Stopping by from Sharefest.

Iris♥

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Yvonne Chase October 5, 2013

Iris,

I agree with you 100%. Women are competing with men at such a rapid pace. Its becoming impossible for men to be men. Great question…how can the real men survive?

Thanks for stopping by…

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Sarah October 5, 2013

Um, no. We’re not going “Dutch” on a ring. Are you serious? This is just a wrong as going ring shopping with the guy, and picking it out. You can always upgrade your ring later on down the road if you’d like, but to go in on the ring for the sake of getting a larger one sounds a bit insulting to the man. <– You don't earn enough for what I really want… Let me help you out with that…

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Yvonne Chase October 5, 2013

I hear you Sarah. We are not going “Dutch” on a ring. Its wrong on so many levels. I seriously can’t believe women are okay with this. The reasoning behind it is very insulting to the man. Like I said in the post, women need to let men be men.

Thanks for stopping by…

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Rachel G October 5, 2013

For me, I’d much rather have the small ring that he picked out with love for me–it’s not about showing off to other ladies that I have a ‘better’ ring. I’m blessed with the ring my husband gave me. There are plenty of better ones out there, sure, but my ring is mine!

Reply

Yvonne Chase October 5, 2013

Rachel,

You’re so right…its not about showing off to others. There will always be better. I avoid women with that show off, competitive, comparing spirit. Its an ugly spirit that completely turns me off.

Thanks for stopping by…

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Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life October 5, 2013

I “propose” a different solution all together. I love a good proposal but don’t see the point of a ring if you’re just gonna layer another ring on top of it a year later. Share the cost of wedding rings and ditch the overdone, overpriced diamond.

Reply

Yvonne Chase October 6, 2013

Stefanie,

How about we ditch the overdone, overpriced diamonds and weddings unless we can absolutely afford it without going into debt?

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@dayngr October 5, 2013

When it comes to things like this, I’m an old-fashioned girl. The guy has got to buy!

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Yvonne Chase October 6, 2013

I hear you on that. I put the old in old fashioned.

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Shannon@MishmashMama October 5, 2013

My husband and I were in our early twenties, madly in love, and B-R-O-K-E when we decided to get married. What was most important to me was my father’s blessing and not going in to debt. We opted for no diamond ring, had a small outdoor wedding, and had a metal-smithing friend of ours make our wedding bands. 14 years, 4 kids, and a lot of life experience later…I am so glad neither of us shelled out an insane amount of money on anything related to our engagement OR wedding. I think if a bride is more wrapped up in her ring or her wedding party, than she is in making sound financial choices as a married couple, she might be looking at money troubles later down the road. I know plenty of couples who have started out with no jewelry, or a teeny tiny ring, and have upgraded later on an anniversary. My point is, that if you love each other, respect each other, and trust each other, you should be on the same page about the ring and its value. It’s really no one else’s place to judge how you paid for it. But it’s also ok not to have one at all.

Reply

Yvonne Chase October 5, 2013

@Shannon,

I don’t think its wise to go into debt over an engagement ring or wedding. Unfortunately many couples do then face financial troubles down the road. Sounds like you and your hubby opted for wisdom over impressing others who wouldn’t be there to help pay off the debt. Good for you!

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Stephanie October 5, 2013

My husband paid cash for both the engagement ring and wedding band. I had actually picked out a ring that I liked 3 years prior to him even proposing! He picked out something different and boy was it WAY better than what I had in mind. Let the guy choose it himself.. its a scary process for them anyway so let them do it alone! 🙂 Stopping by from SITS!

Reply

Yvonne Chase October 6, 2013

Stephanie,

See what happens when we let them choose…Glad that worked out for you.

Thanks for stopping by. I LOVE SITS!

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adrian October 5, 2013

Interesting topic. My son and his girlfriend recently got engaged. Since they bought both the rings together, I’m not sure who paid for what but I think they both contributed to the purchase. They found a great deal, even used a coupon (which I think was smart). My husband paid for my engagement ring, but I never really liked it – it was just an ugly design. Last year I finally had it melted down into a pair of earrings and bought a ring I liked better. #SITSsharefest

Reply

Yvonne Chase October 6, 2013

Adrian,

Using a coupon for wedding rings? I never heard of that. Very smart. Guys get dismissed if they even think about using a coupon on a date. Your son is a lucky man.

Thanks for stopping by…

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harlow February 5, 2014

If the guy wants to marry u , he will pick and buy the ring, maybe not the size U want ,but what he feels is what matters.
Again U cannot force any man to want to marry, especially a Dutch who does not know how to play the role of a man.
Woman lib has messed up the natural unfolding of men who do not know when a woman wants to be independent or dependent?

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Stephanie March 11, 2015

My opinion is that there are a lot of couples that man can not afford for the ring that she wants, or woman wants to participate in choosing and buying the engagement ring, and that is ok to me. Sometimes my salary is higher, sometimes is my husband’s, and I don’t have problem with this, neither did he.

Reply

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