Where Did You Get Your Ideas About Marriage?

by Yvonne Chase on April 2, 2018

Ideas About Marriage
Where did you get your ideas about marriage? That was the question on Married At First Sight. Did you get them from your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, TV etc? Jephte, one of the participants said, “Growing up I didn’t have any marriages that I could look up to or relate to so I found them on TV. Shows like Family Matters, My Wife And Kids, and The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air. That’s all I had.” I ran a Twitter poll to find out where others got their ideas:

Environment Of Marriage
I got my ideas about marriage from multiple places, however, my parents’ marriage was the first place. Their marriage taught me a lot; what to do and what not to do. I grew up in an environment of marriage. 

Informs Our Future
It’s important to discuss where we get our ideas about marriage because what we come from shapes who we are. Whether we choose to accept it or not, our past informs our future. Knowing our past can help us change our present and give us the tools to create a desirable future.

Like Our Parents
In a previous relationship, I recall a conversation we had about our parents’ marriage. We discussed in great detail where we got our ideas about marriage and agreed we didn’t want a marriage like our parents even though we both gleaned a lot of wisdom from them. 

Create Something Different
Not wanting a marriage like my parents is not an attack on them nor does it mean I will throw out the baby with the bath water. It simply means I have a desire to create something different. Based on the poll below, others feel the same:

Excite Us
Where we get our ideas about marriage can excite us about marriage or turn us off completely to the idea of marriage. I know a few people personally who do not want to marry based on what they saw in their parent’s marriage.

Keep Him Single
The other day while talking to my brother from another mother, I learned his brother called off his upcoming wedding. The possibility of having a marriage like like his parents which ended in divorce is traumatizing and enough to keep him single.  

Vital Information
I understand how he and many others feel. Once you get over those feelings, it’s time to get to work. I’ve been examining my parents; who they were individually before marriage and the dynamics of their marriage from a very young age. There’s so much vital information there that can’t be ignored, not only for marriage but also how we live our lives overall.

Create A Desirable Future
Taking the time to review your parents’ marriage or lack of is necessary. If you take the time to discuss and dissect your past, you will learn a whole lot about who you are and that information will help you as you make your way to the altar, if that is your desired end. As I said up top, with the information you gather from examining your past, you now have an opportunity to create a desirable future.

ideas
Becoming The Right Person
In closing, I leave you with this quote shared by fellow Married At First Sight castmember Jason Carrion on his four year anniversary:

“Most love stories are about two people who belong together but are blocked by an obstacle keeping them apart: their cultures, their social-standings, their families, a rival lover, a manipulating villain, an unexpected tragedy. But in real life, love stories are more complex. People want love but after they get it, they become scared or bored or uncertain or resentful. And when they get pain instead of love, they don’t leave. They cling to it more strongly then they would to pleasure. And so in life, the real obstacle keeping two lovers apart is not external. The battle is fought within. In the end, love is not about finding the right person. It’s about becoming the right person.” – Neil Strauss

Something to think about…

What say you? Where did you get your ideas about marriage? Do you or did you want a marriage like your parents? Why?  Why not?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Melanie Redd April 2, 2018

Hey Yvonne,
Great questions and interesting discussion. Love thinking about where we got our ideas about marriage.
I think so many of mine came from my parents and grands.
They did many things right and modeled well.
And, we’d like to learn from their mistakes as well.
Sure do appreciate you and your ministry~
Blessings,
Melanie

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Yvonne Chase April 2, 2018

@Melanie,

We can definitely learn from their mistakes and that is why I say I won’t throw away the baby with the water. There’s a lot of information that we can use for our own benefit if we are willing to look at it through the right lens and with an objective eye.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Satan Wins Every Time Divorce Papers Are SignedMy Profile

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~ linda April 5, 2018

My first marriage ended in divorce. We were totally wrong for one another. I think I married due to being afraid I would never get asked again, had no self confidence, was not wanting to listen to my mother, was 23 and thought I knew BEST! Thirteen years after the divorce, God placed me in a city where I never would have gone on my own. I met Kenneth. We are so perfectly fit and for 25 years now we have loved and shared like I never could have imagined. Thank you for good questions and places to ponder!

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Yvonne Chase April 5, 2018

@Linda,

I sincerely appreciate your honesty about why your first marriage ended. It’s what we singles need to hear to avoid making the same mistakes. Thank you for your transparency.

Blessings to you and Kennet. Wishing you many more years of marital bliss.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Satan Wins Every Time Divorce Papers Are SignedMy Profile

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KellyRBaker April 6, 2018

Yvonne, My grandma has inspired me for years. My grandpa is no longer alive, but she stayed with him until he died despite the way he treated her which was not good at all. I think that because she did this it showed the kids and grandkids that forgiveness is so key. As a result none of her kids ever divorced, and all her grandchildren as well (with the exception of one because her husband kept cheating on her.) My grandma is a Christian, and we have always been taught to look to the word of God for relationships. I’m grateful for her legacy!

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Yvonne Chase April 6, 2018

@Kelly,

Thank you for sharing. There’s a lot here to dissect. Is marriage about not getting divorced no matter what? Are her kids happily married or are they staying married because she did in spite of not being treated well?

Yes, forgiveness is key, I’ve written several posts about it, however, does forgiveness mean staying in a bad situation?
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Repentance + Forgiveness = Reconciliation And UnityMy Profile

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Joy April 6, 2018

Hi Yvonne! This is a great discussion. My ideas about marriage came from a variety of sources (my parents, TV, etc.) until I became acquainted with Scripture. My ability to live out the wisdom I’ve gleaned is not always easy. However, I’m grateful for the ongoing dialogue (like this one) that keeps us motivated. Thank you!

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Roseann Hampton April 6, 2018

My ideas about marriage came from my parents and they had a good one. Thanks for sharing at The Blogger’s Pit Stop! Roseann from This Autoimmune Life

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