Insecure Men Are A Turn Off No Matter How Accomplished

by Yvonne Chase on November 4, 2014

Dating Dilemma
Hey ladies, there’s a 34 year old, well-traveled, gainfully employed, bilingual, degreed, childless, not living in his mamas basement, intelligent black man named Terrell Jermaine Starr who hasn’t had a girlfriend since 1998 and is having a hard time getting a date today because according to him, “My income isn’t as high as many would expect, and it makes me feel insecure about how women may view my current professional station in life.”  Check out what he says: 

I only began working full time in my 30s; I spent all of my 20s traveling around Eastern Europe—mainly through Peace Corps, Fulbright and language study-abroad programs—and earning degrees. I consider myself a very late bloomer who has just recently realized I can make a living keystroking breaking-news stories and Brooklyn Renaissance-ing my way into a literary career. As intellectually fruitful as my 20s were, my worldly and academic sojourns did little for my bank account. All my education and travel were fully paid with scholarships, so I guess that means something.

But I wasn’t climbing any corporate ladders and adding zeros to my salary year after year during my 20s, like most women my age were doing, so I find myself financially incompatible. I can’t say that I’ve dated dozens of women who’ve told me as much, but my female friends have given me the impression that someone like me doesn’t bleep on their “He is dating, and perhaps marrying, material” radar.

When I took to Twitter several days ago to ask my female followers if they would date a man who earns less money than they do, all replied, “Yes.” In fact, many of them balked at my claims that I have a hard time dating because of my income. I’ve also been told that my background in Russian affairs and European wanderlust lead many black women to assume that I only date white women. To the contrary, I’m only interested in sistas. 

Personality Of A Slug
Everything about his woe is me novel screams, “I’m insecure!” No woman wants to date an insecure man.  Confidence is a total turn on to many women. Terrell seems to be relying on his education and accomplishments to reel women in but guess what, going to college, obtaining several degrees and traveling the world doesn’t make you a great catch.  Maybe he’s having a hard time getting a woman because he has the personality of a slug I don’t know but his lower income is not the main reason.  Maybe he’s leading with his accomplishments and women are completely turned off.

Her Personality Is Insufferable
I know a highly accomplished woman who tore down her marriage with her own hands.  She totally berated and emasculated her husband every chance she got; especially in public.  She got a kick out of putting him down.  In addition, she bragged about her accomplishments morning, noon and night to anyone who would listen.  Whether you asked her or not, you were going to know that she lived in 30+ countries, dined with Presidents, built and paid for her own home etc.  Professionally she was stellar.  Personally she was rotten and highly insecure.  Her personality is insufferable.  She couldn’t keep a man and create a loving relationship if you paid her.  She doesn’t have the skills.  Maybe you don’t have the skills either Terrell.  

Sistas And Salaries
Before you go blaming sistas and salaries for your lack of a relationship, I suggest you take a long hard look at the man in the mirror.  Does he understand women? Does he know what women want and need? Are you emotionally available? How are your communication skills? What’s up with your personality? Now in your defense, there are women who won’t date a man that  earns less.  It is what it is. They’re entitled to want what they want.  You don’t want that kind of woman anyway so that ought not be your focus.  

You Are A Child Of God
Your focus should be you.  You need to be okay with who you are as a man whether you make a little or a lot.  Period! You are a child of God.  That means everything! You sound pretty awesome to me and you’re not hard on the eyes. When you realize how awesome you really are and  you reach that place of being okay with you, maybe, just maybe you will meet a woman who has the skills to create and sustain a loving relationship. 


Something to think about…

What do you think about Terrell’s dilemma?

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Deanna Thomas November 4, 2014

The personality of a slug. I can’t! LOL!

His salary is not the issue. He has no confidence. You’re right, confidence is a total turn on. Insecurity is a total turn off no matter how much or how little a man makes.

Terrell seems to think women should flock to him like bees to honey because of his accomplishments. He seems to be using his salary to justify why that isn’t happening. Sistas and salary are not his issue. He is the issue.

Like you said, when he realizes how awesome he is in spite of his coins, then he’ll meet the kind of woman that wants to be with him for him.

Great post!


Yvonne Chase November 6, 2014


You make a great point, maybe he does think women should flock to him like bees to honey because he’s so accomplished.

His salary is a good excuse for the real reason that he probably doesn’t want to deal with at the moment. It sounds real good to say women won’t date me because I don’t make a lot of money. Doesn’t sound so good to say women won’t date me because I have the personality of a slug! LOL!
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AwesomelyOZ November 6, 2014

Haha that’s too funny – I agree that it’s not his income and he lacks the confidence to conquer a woman. Did he seriously write all that? LOL Jeez he needs to calm down and worry less about not earning as much as his female counterparts. This seems to be something that seriously bothers him if he’s going on a tirade on Twitter. As soon as he stops feeling so small minded about his income, he will have more success with women. Great topic Yvonne! Have a great one -Iva
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Yvonne Chase November 6, 2014


If his salary is the issue, then he’s got more problems than a little bit. What is he making $2?!?!?!?

Like you said, “As soon as he stops feeling so small minded about his income, he will have more success with women.”
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Yulunda November 12, 2014

Lord Jesus in Heaven Above! The personality of a slug is too dang funny! OMG, I could feel all of that as if we were sitting at my table talking to our brother! I LOVE IT

Yes, we must know who we are and whose we are. We are wonderfully and skillfully made. I try to walk in this daily.

Great post Yvonne.
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simpatia para conquistar um homem August 24, 2017

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