Is Marriage for White People?

by Yvonne Chase on September 5, 2011

The question, Is Marriage for White People is the title of the new book written by Stanford Law Professor Ralph Richard Banks.  He says, there are not enough black men for college educated black women to have the type of husbands they want to have.  Watch the video and we’ll talk after…

After watching the video, I got on the phone and randomly called a few single, college educated honest black women to ask them what kind of husband they want to have.  What are the top ten qualities on your husband list?  Below is a sampling of their answers:

  • Loyal
  • Trustworthy
  • Reliable
  • Visionary
  • Great sense of humor
  • Will not cheat
  • Will take care of and provide for our family
  • Family oriented, adores his mom
  • Very interested in my family
  • Very honest and straightforward
  • Confident and self-assured
  • Goal oriented
  • Positive outlook on life
  • Knowledgeable and interested in learning new things
  • God fearing
  • Supportive
  • Caring
  • Aggressive mover and shaker; knows how to make things happen
  • Failure is not an option
  • Knows how to make lemons out of lemonade
  • Protector

None of the above mentioned qualities have anything to do with education and only one woman mentioned education. You can’t stop at education.  You have to say, okayhe’s educated and what else? What else is beneath the surface? Educated, career professionals get divorced too.

Marriage is for everyone. When God created marriage, he didn’t include a stipulation; for college educated people only! I’m so tired of these stupid conversations about education, college degrees and success being the key components needed for a lasting marriage. What on earth do these things have to do with who a person really is? What do these things have to do with what’s in a person’s heart?

Time magazine interviewed him recently and asked his thoughts on black women marrying down before marrying outside of the race because he thinks black women should marry out and he says; authors like Steve Harvey and Hill Harper and particularly filmmaker Tyler Perry promote this notion that black women who lack good relationships are victims of their own elitism and snobbery. That they should open their eyes to the virtues of working-class black men and focus on their long-term potential. These kinds of messages tell a black female lawyer, for instance, that she should be enthusiastic about dating a carpenter or a plumber — and if she’s not, then she is the one with the problem. It pressures black women to give up certain kinds of life experiences (for the sake of a man) when white women are taught to cultivate them. This is simply bad advice that can lead these women into disastrous relationships.

What is so disastrous about marrying a carpenter or plumber if this carpenter or plumber is a good man? We really need to redefine the term good man.  My college educated girlfriend is married to a God fearing cable guy who makes an honest living,
loves her madly, provides a great living for them in a 6,000 sq ft home, protects and defends her honor, doesn’t cheat, doesn’t lie, says what he means and means what he says, she can count on him no matter what, he loves coming home to her, they enjoy each other’s families, they attend church weekly, tithe faithfully, has a great circle of friends and on and on and on…What life experiences is she giving up by marrying a cable guy? We create our life experiences.

At the end of the day, life happens to educated and uneducated people just the same and when the rubber meets the road, you want someone in your corner that is ready, willing and able to do for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, forsaking all others till death do you part…educated or not.

What say you…Do college educated men make better husbands than non-educated man? How much do you think education has to do with the life and health of a marriage? Are educated people better at marriage than uneducated people? Why? Why not?

Something to think about…

© Copyright 2011-2012, Yvonne Chase. All rights reserved.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

jane September 6, 2011

Do college educated men make better husbands than non-educated man? This is not a fair question as one can be educated/learned/smart without going to college – its what you do with it. one man that comes to mind right now is Steve Jobs – former CEO of Apple (read his story)

How much do you think education has to do with the life and health of a marriage? A willingness to learn is essential in any relationship, but the knowledge does not have to come through college.

Are educated people better at marriage than uneducated people? I have no idea!!! Why? Why not?

As you say is not your education that makes or breaks a marriage – its your character, values, etc…

Reply

Yvonne September 6, 2011

@Jane…So glad I know education has nothing to do with the life or death of a marriage. So glad I know there are numerous ways to be educated and college is just one of those ways. At the end of the day, we need to redefine the term good man and we need to look past education.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. Appreciate you.

Reply

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