Just Pick A Restaurant And Plan The Date Already!

by Yvonne Chase on May 5, 2014

“Yvonne, you need a man who can teach you something.  Take you some place new.  Plan the date.  Come up with a suggestion.  Pick the restaurant.  You’re always picking, planning and showing them something new.”

The Boys Are Not Rising Up
My college girlfriend Debbie Smith said those words to me and they came back to mind recently while reading Otherhood by Melanie Notkin.  I am always picking, planning and introducing men to something new.  I can’t help it.  I’ve been exposed to a lot and done a whole lot with my life therefore its nothing for me to pick a restaurant or recommend a show or plan a great date.  I could do it in my sleep but I don’t want to.  I want him to do it and so does Melanie.  She says, “Time and time again, I hear how women are turned off by men who can’t plan a date or a “proper date.”  Its become a phenomenon; the boys are not rising up and the women are taking the fall.  And few men realize how they are turning women off.”

A Tad Bit Turned Off
This is not a man-bashing post.  You all know I love men too much for that however, I must say that I am one of those women who is a tad bit turned off by today’s man.  Men today are not men and much of it is due to their mothers.  I know grown men who live at home and still get haircuts by their mothers.  Their mothers are doing laundry, folding their clothes, cleaning their rooms and making sure they have a hot meal waiting for them when they come home.   Some mothers today are doing everything for their sons except chewing their food then giving them a hot bath and tucking them in to bed at night.  I can’t stand it! No wonder they don’t know how to do something as simple as plan a date!

There’s Nothing Sexier Than A Decisive Man
Melanie continues, “Women just want the man to plan a date.  It doesn’t have to be a fancy date or an original date.  It just has to be a plan.  If our date says, Meet me after work at The Dutch at eight, we’re thrilled.  If he says, Whatever you want to do is fine with me, we’re depleted.  There is nothing sexier than a decisive man.”  I agree 300%.  Men are supposed to lead.  A part of leading is making decisions.  In closing Melanie says, “Men see lazy men on TV and the movies, you know, the slacker types and think that it is okay to behave that way because the guy in the show or movie always gets the girl.”


It Was So Refreshing
And that behavior is not okay…well its not okay with me.  I remember meeting a man who planned all of our dates whether we were headed out to a restaurant or a red carpet.  It was so refreshing.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love a proactive man.  With him, all I had to do was show up and be a woman.  My brain could rest because he took control and made great decisions.  Beyond asking me if I had anything special in mind, he took the ball and ran with it.

Zero Desire To Wear The Pants
He knew great restaurants and most times he knew the owners and servers who always rolled out the red carpet to create an unforgettable experience. He was a well learned, well traveled kind of man.  He’s the kind of man my girlfriend spoke of.  The kind of man I need and want in my life.  Problem is, he was way too old for me.  My experience with him showed me how it feels to sit back, relax and let a man take control.  I love that feeling and look forward to experiencing it again in the very near future.  I have zero desire to “wear the pants” and yes, I’m old fashioned!

Something to think about…

What say you? How do you feel about planning the date? Is it the man’s responsibility to plan the date? Is he less of a man if he doesn’t? Are women taking the fall because men are not rising up?

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Majrorie May 5, 2014

I met a man in 2011. We talked for a few weeks, into 2012. Talked, that’s it. No date, no walks in the park, talked, mostly on the phone. Then we stopped talking. I didn’t really miss it. Back in October 2013 we started talking again. Once again, no date, no walks in the park, talked. A few days before my birthday he asked if he could take me out for some ice cream (to celebrate my birthday) on the Sunday after my birthday after church. Huh? What? I thought “finally, a date”. Well, that did not happen. I waited for him in the church’s cafe but I heard nothing from him. I went home and he called. When he called, I was taking a nap and you could tell and he was at a “friend’s” home. What ever . . .
My church hosted a fellowship for the ministry servants. Neither one of us knew the other was attending. I saw him and spoke but kept going because he was with a group having a conversation. I went back to where I was and he came to join me. After sitting and talking for a while, he asked if we could consider this our first date. I told him no. We sat and talked a while longer and towards the end of the event he said “I enjoyed our first date”. I did not talk to him again but I did let him know that I was frustrated . . .


Yvonne Chase May 5, 2014

What kind of foolishness is that? How old was this man? Wait…don’t tell me. I’m scared to know!

Perhaps if you would’ve planned the date, it actually would’ve been a date. I can’t deal…

Sorry you went through that. Know that it gets better.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Marriage Then Children Or Not And OtherhoodMy Profile


Majrorie May 6, 2014

You DON’T want to know his age. Too silly for me. I have no words . . .

~ Marjorie ~


AwesomelyOZ May 7, 2014

I completely agree. I am more than capable of “wearing the pants” but I don’t to because do you know how much stuff goes on in the female brain? too much. No thanks. It’s nice because my bf would make all the plans and still does a lot of the time. Like for our anniversary, he planned a getaway all himself and I know it will be perfect. I agree that it’s the mothers, his mother would try to coddle him but his father would undo anything she would do and toughen him up. I think that helped significantly. Also, the military did too. 🙂 Great topic yet again Yvonne! Happy Hump Day -Iva
AwesomelyOZ recently posted…GTFO: The ABC’s of PhobiasMy Profile


Yvonne Chase May 8, 2014


Mothers are doing their sons a huge disservice by coddling them and women are taking the fall. One of my girlfriends says, when men look for wives today, they’re looking for a mother they can screw. I think I believe her. Of course she’s not referring to all men.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…It Takes More Courage To Remain Single Than It Does To Get MarriedMy Profile


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