Kissing A Lot Of Frogs Is A Choice

by Yvonne Chase on November 19, 2019

We’ve all heard the saying; you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. It’s been said so often that many women believe it. I don’t! I recall a time when Mark and I were getting to know each other. He took his time making a decision about moving forward because he wanted to see what else was out there. Not on my watch. I made the decision for him without ever kissing him because I have a choice. It’s my life and I will always choose me.

frogs

As I watch the new season of Ready to Love, I’m disturbed by what I see.  The entire cast that consists of grown men and women in their early thirties to fifties don’t know how to date. If they continue on this path, they will indeed kiss a lot of frogs and perhaps turn into one on the road to finding love.

frogs

Newsflash; a date is not a relationship. I heard someone say dating is like auditioning. Unfortunately, that’s what it is and that’s not a good thing. The word audition means an interview for a particular role or job as a singer, actor, dancer, or musician, consisting of a practical demonstration of the candidate’s suitability and skill.

Many people do treat dating like an audition. They put their best self forward and hide who they really are behind whatever character they get into to get the role. Some never get out of character until after saying I do. Yikes!

Kenya Moore of the Real Housewives of Atlanta is currently living this reality. If you know anything about her journey, you know she’s tried everything she could to not be single. We saw her kissing a lot of frogs on the RHOA. She finally met a man a couple of years ago and after a short courtship, they had a romantic wedding in the Caribbean then last year at the age of 47, they had a gorgeous baby girl named Brooklyn Doris Daly.

frogs
Kenya Moore and husband Marc Daly

Earlier this year, she and her husband filed divorce papers after two years of marriage. Two whole years! I feel sad for her because she wanted this so badly but that’s the problem with wanting it so badly; you often ignore red flags, choose wrong, and do it for all the wrong reasons. Today, she’s going through a divorce with a man who doesn’t want her. She wants to go to counseling to try to save the marriage and he doesn’t. Now she’s a single mother; the very thing she did not want.

Kenya, Marc and their beautiful daughter Brooklyn Daly

For the life of me, I cannot and will never understand why we make living single wrong and marriage right to the point that we literally trash single people especially single women. A man can be as old as Methuselah and single but let that be a woman and something’s wrong with her. She’s thought to be crazy when really she’s sane for preserving and protecting her heart! I like the way actress Sanaa Lathan thinks about it all. In an interview with journalist Taylor Rooks at CultureCon, Rooks said, “There’s a weird obsession for black women to marry,” to which Sanaa replied;

“We read all these fairy tales—Snow White, Cinderella—…[and] they’re chosen by a man. That’s when you win when youre chosen by a man. That’s not the truth!” I’ma choose me first. I do believe in love and I want love for myself, but for right now I’m focused on loving myself and the truth is when you start loving yourself, you attract a better quality of situation.”

Sanaa Lathan

Indeed! Romantic love and marriage are a great thing and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting it. With that said, auditioning for the role of girlfriend that will lead to wife is ridiculous. You’re not ready to date or ready to love until you are 100% comfortable in your skin and you know who you are and whose you are. No auditioning just showing up with an empowered mindset that says; this is me. I have a say in this. I’m here to make a choice.

Ladies, know that the man who ends up in your life will change it for better or worse. Don’t you dare leave that choice solely in his hands. You are not some sorry sap of a woman waiting to be chosen. You are empowered and ready to choose! 

Something to think about…

What say you? Did you kiss a lot of frogs before you met your mate? What are your thoughts on the comparison of dating to auditioning?

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Lisa notes November 20, 2019

I can see the relationship between dating and auditions, even though I wish it weren’t that way. I didn’t kiss a lot of frogs, but more than I should have. I always appreciate your wisdom to remind everyone that being single isn’t a lesser choice to marriage. We’re all valuable in God’s sight as individuals, not just if we’re a partner to someone else.

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Bev @ Walking Well With God November 21, 2019

Yvonne,
“Audition” – that’s a good word for the “best foot forward” part of dating. I’ve had to learn, the hard way, that the best way to get to know the true character of a person is to wait to watch and see how they go through trials and crises. That’s where the rubber meets the road and true colors come out. I rushed too quickly into my first marriage and sadly it ended in divorce. The second time around, I was going to take my time and make sure the relationship would work. We took it slowly and dated for 3 years. I’m happy to say that we’ve been happily married for almost 6 years now. When it comes to relationships, better single than married and feeling even more alone. Sharing with my single daughter who is 31.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Bev @ Walking Well With God recently posted…A Personal Story of Gratitude RediscoveredMy Profile

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