On the new season of Married At First Sight, Kristine and Keith were matched at the altar. Keith is a couch potato who proudly lets you know he cannot cook, does not work out and his only form of exercise is lifting his hand to pick up the remote control and put it down. What a turn off!
Value Or Interest?
While on their honeymoon in Costa Rica, Kristine spotted the hotel gym and immediately went to check it out. Working out and maintaining an active lifestyle are important to her. Of course, Keith followed along and that is when Kristine learned he is serious about not working out. This exchange brought up a conversation on Twitter about interests and values. One viewer said couples don’t have to have the same interests to have a successful relationship. I agree with her 100%. Different interests keep it interesting, however, working out and keeping active is more of a value than an interest.
Accept What’s Unacceptable
She continued with, “Two people, different interests. Too many people ruin relationships by projecting their beliefs on their partner.” While that is absolutely true, I also believe too many people ruin relationships because they are not honest about what’s really important to them. They accept what’s unacceptable because they want it so badly then end up with something that’s not sustainable over time.
I could never date or marry a guy like Keith because an active lifestyle and taking care of my body is super important to me. I’m in the gym 3x/week and when the weather is nice I do a lot of walking and bike riding. If I didn’t like going to the gym, I would still exercise because it’s about taking care of my body/my health not going to the gym. Some of the viewers thought it was weird of Kristine to work out on their honeymoon. I didn’t. When something is a part of your life, it happens by default. That’s the difference between an interest and a value. I don’t think she would’ve worked out on her honeymoon if it wasn’t an integral part of her life.
Aligned With Our Values
Shared values are what keep relationships alive long after the honeymoon phase and that’s why this is important. One of the programs I worked through on the road to certification as a relationship coach talked about the importance of values. Here’s an excerpt:
“We have values and a life purpose, whether we are aware of exactly what they are or not. When we live our life aligned with our values, our life has meaning. When we are not living in alignment with our values, we eventually become bored, numb, or depressed. To experience relationship fulfillment we must choose in alignment with our Values and Life Purpose.”
Share With Your Partner
An extensive sample list of values plus an exercise that asks you to choose the top five values that are most important for you to share with your partner were included. Here are some examples:
Couch And Remote
The experts probably matched Kristine and Keith together with the hope that she can motivate him to a more active lifestyle. OMG, Keith reminds me of a guy I met many years ago. He lived in a faaabulous house with everything he needed under one roof; a gym he never used, a huge TV with a cable package that included channels I never heard of, great kitchen with an island, massive dining room, and living room areas etc. I said no thanks to dating him because he never wanted to leave the house and if he did, he needed to get back home asap to the couch and remote.
One of my married friends and I have very spirited conversations about relationships and marriage because unfortunately, his isn’t working out. If he and his wife don’t get into counseling, I’m afraid the inevitable will happen. “Is it sustainable over time” is a question he says every couple should ask when something pops up while dating that is not necessarily a deal breaker. For example, if you and this person marry, will it be sustainable till death do you part if he remained a couch potato with no interest of living an active lifestyle? It wouldn’t be for me. Maybe it will be for Kristina or perhaps Keith will become so motivated by her that he puts the remote control down and gets off the couch. I’ll be watching.
Something to think about…
What say you? Do you think a couple can go the distance if they don’t share the same values? How important are shared values to a relationship? What’s the difference between an interest and a value?
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