Parents, Let Your Children Leave And Cleave

by Yvonne Chase on April 8, 2014

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  Genesis 2:24

Constant Intrusion
The above verse came to mind today while catching up on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  In this particular episode, Peter stopped by Kordell’s place to hear his side of what went wrong in his marriage to Porsha.  The constant intrusion of her family got on his last nerve.  Here’ s what he said, “When you come together as one, its the love you have between you, your wife and the man upstairs.  It don’t have nothing to do with anybody else on the outside.” I agree 300%.  Watch and we’ll talk after…

That Would Never Happen
If I were married, I could only imagine coming home to find my mother chilling in my master bedroom eating a large pepperoni pizza! That would never happen.  My mother wouldn’t do it and my father definitely wouldn’t allow it.  They wouldn’t even accept keys to my house and if they did, they would only use them when I knew about it and it would have to be some sort of emergency.  My parents don’t get down like that at all.

Parents Play A Major Role
I believe parents have a responsibility in how and if their kids leave and cleave.  I asked my parents their thoughts on this and they agree.  They both said, “Parents have to let their kids go and not follow them once they leave.  Parents have to decide to stay out of their children’s marriage and enforce that decision.”

Keep Us Out Of It
When my sister married twenty five years ago, I remember my Dad telling her that he and Mom would always be there for her but they would not put themselves in the middle of her marriage and they would not allow her to put them in the middle.  My dad said, “We’re here to listen if you want to talk but go work out your problems between you and your husband and keep us out of it.”  They have enforced clear boundaries around all of their children’s marriages so much so that some of my siblings are upset that “The parents,” as we affectionately call them only visit when an invitation is extended.  Because my parents have taken this stance, the in-law relationships are great all around.

Leave Your Parents Alone
Here’s the conclusion of the whole matter; kids, when you leave and cleave, that’s your cue to leave your parents alone.  Parents, when your kids leave and cleave, that’s your cue to leave them alone.  If Porsha’s mother understood the principle of leaving and cleaving and the role she plays in it, she would’ve known better than to be in Porsha’s master bedroom eating a pepperoni pizza.

leave

Something to think about…

What say you? Do parents play a role in how/if their kids leave and cleave? Does leaving only apply to the man or must the woman leave her family too and cleave to her husband?

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

All Talk Entertainment April 9, 2014

I totally agree with you on all counts. Leave to cleave. Keep your parents and your friends out of your business. My mom, let alone any other woman is not allowed in my bed, let alone in my bedroom. What business do you have in there. And while on it, I hope Kandi Buriss leaves her Momma out of her marriage. I understand she loves her mother, but you have to pull away. I get along so good with my mother because we are on two different coast lines and we don’t talk everyday.
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Yvonne Chase April 9, 2014

@All Talk Entertainment,

It would be a situation if I was married and came home to find any one of my parents chilling in my bedroom eating a pepperoni pizza! They have no business in my bedroom of all places let alone in my house when I’m not there unless I let them in on the way out. So thankful that my parents know better!

I thought about Kandi while writing this post. She’s another one. You can love your mother while cleaving to your husband and keeping her out of your marriage. Leaving and cleaving doesn’t mean I cut off all communication. More daughters like Kandi and Porsha need to understand that.
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AwesomelyOZ April 9, 2014

I agree with you 100% Yvonne, it’s a tough situation when parents don’t understand this boundary. My mom is unemployed and has no partner so it’s hard since she stays with my two older sisters. They all seem to be content with the arrangement but I have that same perspective you have, that there should be a division. Especially in the early stages of a relationship. So she’s always calling to “come over” for a weekend to which I just overrule but then she gets offended. It puts me in a difficult situation. Now if she reaches the point where she needs care and really has no where to stay that’s different but for now my sisters seem to enjoy sharing her, lol. 🙂 Happy Hump Day Yvonne! -Iva

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Yvonne Chase April 9, 2014

@Iva

It definitely can be a tough situation when parents don’t understand the boundary however, the child needs to enforce the boundary and make the parent understand or else…
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Laura Connell April 11, 2014

Oh yes, my marriage failed for many reasons and my husband’s refusing to “leave and cleave” was one of them. He was not a believer and had never cracked the spine on a Bible so had no idea how to be a husband. Now that we’ve divorced he spends almost all his time with his parents and brother. I can’t help but think they are happy to cut my face out of their picture. None of them believe in God and no marriage can have any meaning or possibility of hope without Him. I thank God for taking me out of that and giving me a life with Him. I pray for them often.

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Yvonne Chase April 11, 2014

Laura,

A husband refusing to leave and cleave is a major issue. How can he lead in your marriage if he’s still clinging to mom and dad? A few questions for you…are you a believer? Why did you marry an unbeliever? Did you think he was a believer when you married him?
An unbeliever would have no understanding of leaving and cleaving much less Gods design for marriage.
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bluecottonmemory April 11, 2014

We soooooo need to do lunch!!! I’ve done a series called “The Mother-in-Law Chronicles” – and still want to add one more to the series – about the importance of a man’s heritage/inheritance – and why he needs to be connected to the family that raised him. In today’s culture, the norm is increasingly to diminish the husband’s family and his connection to that – which I believe hobbles him in his effort to soar.

http://bluecottonmemory.wordpress.com/2012/08/14/the-mother-in-law-chronicles-under-the-canopy-and-into-the-community/

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Chasing Joy April 13, 2014

I think people mistake being supportive with being in the business. My ex boyfriend’s mom was always trying to be involved. I kept my distance in a respectful way. When I broke up with him I was devastated but the 1 shining spot was she would not end up being my mother-in-law.

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Yvonne Chase April 13, 2014

@ChasingJoy,

Thank Gid you got away. Meddling in laws are no bueno. And you’re right, many mistake being supportive for being all up in your business.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Kevin Hart Says Marriage MattersMy Profile

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