Dating Tip From Life w/La Toya: Don’t Leave Him Hanging

by Yvonne Chase on July 8, 2013

La ToyaGuilty Pleasure
Over the 4th of July weekend, I used a bit of my time to catch up on reality TV.  You’ll know I love me some reality TV and Life with La Toya is my new guilty pleasure.  I’d never watched one episode yet I was hooked from episode one all the way to the season finale.  La Toya is so cute and innocent and sweet and that laugh of hers is infectious.  I could listen to it all day and laugh along with her.

Big Girl Panties
Anyway, this post is not about her laugh.  Its about her dating etiquette.  After being on a long hiatus, La Toya put herself back out there on the dating scene.  George was her first blind date chosen from a matchmaking service.  They hit it off so well on the first date that she agreed to a second date.  He wanted a third and so did she however she wasn’t ready to take the next step.  What would she do? Would she leave him hanging? Would she have her assistant Jeffre break the bad news or would she put on her big girl panties and tell him herself.

Sandwich Technique
She seriously thought about having Jeffre make the call until he convinced her to do it.  Its the right thing to do and its what she would want done to her.  After a bit of going back and forth, she bit the bullet and dialed his number.  La Toya used the sandwich technique; something I learned in Toastmasters.  Every sandwich has a top, middle and bottom.

Breathe Easy
The sandwich technique puts bad feedback in the middle of two slices of good feedback.  La Toya started off by telling George how much she liked him, how much she really enjoyed her time with him and how much of a perfect gentleman he was.  That was the top layer.  Lots of good honest feedback.  Next came the bad feedback; her honest reasons for not moving forward and finally more good feedback to finish the sandwich.  While he didn’t get what he wanted; more dates with La Toya, he could breathe easy knowing it wasn’t him.  He wasn’t left hanging and he wasn’t left wondering.

Doesn’t Have To  Be Confrontational
A colleague and I were talking about this recently when he told me of a recent date he left hanging.  When I asked him why, he said he didn’t want to be confrontational.  If you know anything about me, you know I don’t believe in leaving a date hanging.  I believe in honesty and I know it doesn’t have to be confrontational.  I believe we owe it to each other to tell the truth.  Perhaps your truth spoken in love will change how they show up to the next date situation.  I don’t know about you but if I’m doing something wrong, saying something wrong or being a jerk, I want to know.  I also want to know if your reasons have nothing to do with me so that I’m not left scratching my head wondering what happened.

Awkward Conversations
As I was typing this post, a great video landed in my inbox about how to have those awkward conversations.  Take a look…

So, the next time you find yourself on the heels of an awkward conversation like La Toya, remember the 3 tips below:

1.  Preface it.  Let the person know where its coming from and why you’re telling them.

2.  Be honest about your reasons.

3.  Choose a little hurt now over a bigger situation later and most importantly…

 Do to others as you would have them do to you.  Luke 6:31

Something to think about…

What say you? Have you ever left a date hanging? Why? Have you ever been left hanging? How did it make you feel? Is it difficult for you to have awkward conversations? Why? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1.  Leave a comment below

2.  Share this post if you like it

Honeybee July 9, 2013

Good tips. I should pass this to my sister. I am very bad at holding conversation. I’m looking forward to read about how to improve conversation skills.


Nisha Stevenson July 9, 2013

I’ve been left hanging and it doesn’t feel good at all. It takes courage to communicate. Sadly, most people don’t have that courage when dating. Its easier to walk away than take a bold step to explain why.

Since I’ve been left hanging and it doesn’t feel good, I do my best not to leave anyone hanging. Like you said, it doesn’t have to be confrontational. I believe that’s the main reason people leave others hanging. Not cool!

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