No One Really Wants To Be Single For A Lifetime

by Yvonne Chase on July 31, 2018

Single For A Lifetime
I don’t know anyone who wants to be single for a lifetime. Do you? What I mean is, I don’t know anyone who wants to go through life without romantic love. I’ve met a whole lot of people from all walks of life and to date, I have never met a woman or man for that matter who wants to be completely single till death.

lifetime
A Beautiful Thing
I know women like me, for example, who are single because they haven’t met a man they can do life with. Sure I’ve met men I thought I could do life with, however, after careful screening, I realized no can do. Being single is a far better option. I enjoy it and make the most of it. I think I do it quite well. With that said, I am completely open to a committed relationship leading to marriage. Romantic love is a beautiful thing.

Wall Is Up High
I also know other women who no longer want marriage because of a bad divorce. When I asked a divorced woman recently if she would marry again, she firmly said, “My wall is up high. I don’t know about that! Nope!”

Given Up On Love
And then there are those who say they want to be single because they haven’t met anyone. They no longer date or even expose themselves to situations where they could meet someone special.  In a nutshell, they’ve given up on love because it just never works.

Escape From Reality
A previous client comes to mind. She really doesn’t want to be single, however, she says she does because she can’t figure out how to make it happen. Traveling and signing up for one continuing education course after the next is an escape from reality. It’s a way to hide from the pain of not having the relationship she really wants.

Single At Heart
There’s a woman in the blogosphere who enthusiastically chooses to be single. She says she’s single at heart. Here’s how she explains it:

“Throughout high school and college, I felt as if I was waiting for a switch to turn on that would finally make me want to find a partner. Then, I realized there was no switch. “No,” I remember thinking. “This is who I am. I’m single. I love it.” I’m “single at heart.” To be single at heart, I think, means that you see yourself as single. Your life may or may not include the occasional romantic relationship, and you may or may not live alone or want to live alone, but you don’t aspire to live as part of a couple (married or otherwise) for the long term.

Complete And Whole
As the Single Woman’s Cheerleader, I applaud living your single life to the fullest. I believe you are complete and whole without a relationship and you have everything you need to live a great life. With that said, men and women are naturally attracted to each other. There’s something in a woman that draws her to a man and there’s something in a man that draws him to a woman. We naturally want to be together. 

Say Yes
In my last post, I Was Called To Marry HIM, a reader left the following comment:

“I remember when I was young and as a new Christian people kept telling me God wanted me to be married and He would give me a husband and family. However, I am now over 50 and when in my 30’s God told me I would not get married. You see so many in the church think the highest calling on a woman’s life is to get married. Some even said not to go on the mission field without a husband, but my Lord said to me, “will you give up having your own family to save even one child?” I knew then I had to say yes because my deepest love is for Jesus and His best for me is what has kept me single.”

Singleness Is A Gift
When I read her comment, Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7 immediately came to mind. Singleness is a gift that many of us do not have. She seems to have that gift and God is getting the glory out of her life on the mission field. I do wish more women understood that a woman’s highest calling is not marriage. Whether single or married, our highest calling is serving God and glorifying God with our lives.

lifetime
Moral And Spiritual Frustration
In an article titled Is Singleness Better Than Marriage?, noted pastor and author John MacArthur explains the gift of singleness in a way I’d never heard. Here’s what he says about it:

“Although celibacy is good for Christians who are not married, it is a gift from God that He does not give to every believer. Just as it is wrong to misuse a gift that we have, it is also wrong to try to use a gift we do not have. For a person who does not have the gift of celibacy, trying to practice it brings moral and spiritual frustration. But for those who have it as God’s gift, singleness, like all His gifts, is a great blessing.”

Jesus told the disciples on one occasion, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it” (Matt. 19:12).

Both Jesus and Paul make it clear that the celibate life is not required by God for all believers and that it can be lived satisfactorily only by those to whom God has given it.”

A Whole Lot Of Rubbish
Many women who arrive at the destination of I want to be single, don’t get there because they have the gift of singleness. They arrive after heartache, frustration and zero tolerance for much of the rubbish in today’s dating world. It’s a whole lot of rubbish! 

A Daunting Task
Finding someone who wants to be in a committed relationship leading to marriage, who won’t give up when the going gets tough and will continue to work on the relationship is a daunting task. I can certainly understand why someone would say they want to be single after going in and out of failed relationships. That’s why we have to be smart about it.

Single For A Lifetime
Remember, you don’t have to be in a relationship with every man you meet to get to know him. In addition, if we could all find the courage, to be honest about where we are in life and what we want instead of playing games, there would be less heartache that leads one to say, I want to be single for a lifetime.

Something to think about…

What say you? Do you know anyone who wants to be single for a lifetime? Apart from the gift of singleness, does anyone really want to be single for a lifetime? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Gayl August 3, 2018

I don’t know if I know anyone who wants to stay single all their lives. I think for those who have chosen that way of life it must be a gift unless they came to that conclusion because of bad relationships, etc. Blessings to you! I’m your neighbor at #BVNetworkParty.

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 15, 2018

@Gayl

I agree with you. It has to be a gift. Something about wanting to be single until you die does not resonate with me at all. It doesn’t seem natural.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Discipline And Dating With Kids Go Hand In HandMy Profile

Reply

Trina Taylor August 3, 2018

I’ve never thought about this, however, after reading this post, the only people I know who want to be single for a lifetime are those who have given up on love.

As you mentioned, they’re divorced or have had one bad relationship after the next and can’t seem to figure it out.

I don’t know that’s it’s natural to want to be single until you die. Doesn’t sound natural to me.

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 15, 2018

@Trina,

Like you, the only people I’ve heard say they want to be single for a lifetime are those who have given up on love. In my personal world, I don’t know anyone who wants to be single until they die.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…I Was Called To Marry HIMMy Profile

Reply

Hannah August 5, 2018

As a teenager, I remember I was terrified that God had given me the “gift of singleness” and I would never find anyone to spend my life with. I also remember a friend saying to me “if it doesn’t sound like a gift, then you probably don’t have it”. I think the quote you used from MacArthur reflects this truth, and the example you used of that woman who truly didn’t want a partner. I also like how you pointed out that many arrive at the place of wanting to stay single, not because it’s their gift, but from a place of hurt and heartache!

Reply

Deb Wolf August 5, 2018

I love this, Yvonne! I think the message is that we should live our best life for God’s glory whatever our situation … single, married, with or without children, young or old, each day is a precious gift that we can use for the Lord! Blessings!
Deb Wolf recently posted…The Best Way to Live One Day at a Time and Actually Enjoy ItMy Profile

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 15, 2018

@Deb,

Amen. We should live our lives for God’s glory whatever our situation.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Singleness Is Hard, Often Lonely, And UnwantedMy Profile

Reply

Debbie Wilson August 7, 2018

Since there is a gift of singleness, I would think there is contentment for those with that gift. One of my single friends said she read the Song of Solomon and viewed Jesus as her beloved bridegroom. She is a beautiful woman who travels the world as an evangelist. And though she is single, she is not alone.
Debbie Wilson recently posted…How to Overcome Weakness with God’s StrengthMy Profile

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 15, 2018

@Debbie,

I believe the same; contentment is found in those who have the gift of singleness. Very few people have the gift. Many of us are in a state of singleness. That’s the difference.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Discipline And Dating With Kids Go Hand In HandMy Profile

Reply

Calleen Petersen August 7, 2018

I’m happily married but I LOVE this post! Life is about more than just being married. Women are worth more than just being a wife and a mother. They are beautiful and wonderful things to aspire to, to become, to desire. But that is not all there is.
Calleen Petersen recently posted…How To: Change Your Life With Inspirational ApparelMy Profile

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 15, 2018

@Calleen,

I wish you could say this just a little louder for the people in the back: “Life is about so much more than just being married! It certainly is.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…I’m Scared To Marry The Wrong Person And Live In HellMy Profile

Reply

Amy @ The Quiet Homemaker August 7, 2018

Love the sentence about glorifying God with our life. His will is our highest calling. Whatever that is, we need to make sure that we are in that! Thank you for the wonderful reminder!

Thanks for linking up @LiveLifeWell!

Blessings,

Amy
Amy @ The Quiet Homemaker recently posted…Live Life Well: Encouragement for the JourneyMy Profile

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 15, 2018

@Amy,

The safest place to be is in the center of God’s will, whether single or married.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Happy Marriages Are Taboo And A Dirty Little SecretMy Profile

Reply

Alyson | WriteThemOnMyHeart August 9, 2018

Very interesting topic! I think the John MacArthur quote was spot on. And you summed it all up nicely when you said our highest calling (whether single or not) is to serve and glorify God. If we’ll keep that as our focus, we’ll be in the center of His will.

Reply

Donna Reidland August 12, 2018

Hi Yvonne,
You always write such thought-provoking posts. I love the John MacArthur quote. I know there are those who are gifted to be single, but most people I know do desire a committed relationship. In that case, I think it’s important to learn to be content where God has you and keep your focus on serving God as you said so well!
Donna Reidland recently posted…“How to Comfort a Grieving Friend” August 12My Profile

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 15, 2018

@Donna,

You are so right when you say learning to be content where God has us and keeping our focus on serving God is the key to fulfillment.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” Philippians 4:11
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Discipline And Dating With Kids Go Hand In HandMy Profile

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: