Marrying A Divorcee Is A Reality Of The 21st Century

by Yvonne Chase on March 5, 2015

The Second Wives Club
The other day while watching The Real, the ladies were talking about the Second Wives Club.  At first I didn’t know what that meant until Adrienne shared her personal experience.  She got engaged recently to a divorcee and now she will be his second wife, hence the Second Wives Club.  Watch the video below and we’ll talk after…

We All Have Some Kind Of Baggage
My preference is not to marry a divorced man simply because I’ve never been married and I’d like us both to come into marriage free of that kind of baggage.  The baggage we’re coming with on our own outside of that experience is more than enough. We all have some kind of baggage.  I’ve relaxed my preference simply because we are living in a divorced world.  Everybody is divorced or divorcing! One of my closest friends is in the process of divorcing his wife of 8 years plus I attended a church a couple of years ago where everyone I met was divorced. It blew my mind.  They had a divorce ministry, workshops and everything else to support all of the divorced couples yet they had nothing to teach singles about dating, relationships or marriage.  Anyhoo…

He Could Be A Jerk
Back to Adrienne and the gang.  I agree with Tamera.  I need to know why you’re divorced.   Like she said, “He could be a jerk!” I also agree with Tamar; “That relationship has nothing to do with your relationship.”  What he was back then has nothing to do with who he is now.  Maybe he was a jerk with his ex because she was a jerk and brought out the jerk in him.  I also agree with Adrienne and Loni who is divorced and says, a previous marriage can definitely teach you what to do and what not do the second time around.  The fixer in him might be determined to have the best marriage he’s ever had the second time around.

Zero Responsibility
The one thing that would stop me from dating/marrying a divorcee is him taking zero responsibility for the end of his marriage. I’ve met several divorced guys.  One comes to mind.  All he could do was point his finger and blame his wife for everything; “She didn’t do this, she wasn’t that,” as if he wasn’t a part of the marriage.  He looked at me like a deer in the headlights when I asked, what did you do? Were you even in the marriage? 

divorcee

 

Blame Prevents Learning
If he’s pointing fingers and blaming it all on her, I want nothing to do with him.  He’ll do the same thing to me when things go left in our marriage and that’s unacceptable.  When a relationship ends, I believe both people are responsible even if your responsibility was ignoring the red flags and choosing wrong.  You did something, said something or didn’t do something. Cause and effect is real.  Own it!  Blame prevents learning.  Once we’ve taken responsibility for something, we can do something about it.  

Something to think about…

What say you? How do you feel about marrying a divorcee? What are the pros and cons? Are both people responsible when a marriage ends?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

 1.  Leave a comment below

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Eleanor Rubin March 5, 2015

I agree with you, if a man blames his ex-wife for everything and makes her out to be the worst person on the planet meanwhile he’s Jesus walking on water, I won’t date him or marry him. Marrying a divorcee is fine as long as he’s learned from his first marriage and is a better man because of it. I’d do it!

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Yvonne Chase March 8, 2015

@Eleanor,

I’d do it too for all the reasons you mentioned. Divorce can be a great teacher and make one a better person in the long run.

There’s good in everything even the “bad” things Sometimes we need to whip out a magnifying glass to see the good but its there.
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AwesomelyOZ March 8, 2015

It is a reality of this society now-a-days, divorcees are everywhere and I am one of them. I’m old enough now to understand that we were just not compatible and that’s all it is – I know my ex blames me for everything to this very day (we’ve been separated and divorced for a total of 6 years now) – and he is still alone and miserable. That’s why because he can’t forgive and let go, accept and just move on. Learn from it. It makes you a stronger person when you do. I was young and stupid and didn’t have proper guidance in my life but I know better now and try to be a voice for those around me who are rushing into something and maybe need to take a step back. Unfortunately, not everyone listens and end up rushing into a very important agreement, marriage. I feel we rush this day and age and should take it easy. Have a great one Yvonne!! -Iva
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Yvonne Chase March 8, 2015

@Iva,

On my way in from church today, I wondered if you’d left a comment on this post because you are a divorcee and here you are.

Kudos to you for taking responsibility and moving on. Thankfully you learned from it and are in a better place. I don’t believe anyone wants to get divorced however, its something that happens.

When we do marriage Gods way from beginning to end and that includes listening to his still small voice when he says, wait, or he/she is not my best for you, success is guaranteed.
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