Does Love Require A Minimum Salary?

by Yvonne Chase on June 28, 2013

salaryI Didn’t Know Love Had A Minimum Salary
A few weeks back on Twitter, one of my followers and I exchanged a few tweets about the state of our union.  You see, we live in a material world that tells women to make a decision about a man/mate based on how much money he makes, the kind of car he drives and whether or not he owns a home or rents an apartment.  My male follower said, “Now I’m not balling and there’s women here on Twitter telling me I’m not making enough to date.  Oh…OK.  I didn’t know love had a minimum salary!”

Six Figure Salary
In today’s dating world, love does seem to have a minimum salary.  I was reading an article about deal breakers and found out that women are turning men away if he doesn’t make a six figure salary.  ‘Six figure salary’ is actually on their list of deal breakers.  Ladies, are you really doing that? Sure a six figure salary is nice but what’s even nicer is a motivated man.  A man who takes action; a man who is proactive so that God forbid the day comes when he’s no longer making six figures, he has the get up and go to keep going.  Whether he makes six figures or not, you want a man like the three men below starting with my Dad.

No Distance Was Too Far
When we lived in the Bahamas, my dad had a great job that allowed him to provide well for our family. That all changed when we came to America.  Dad had to find work and he had to find it fast.  He didn’t have time to be prideful and selective or wait for something equal to his former job.  He was a mechanic by trade and those skills are what he used to take care of us.  Dad woke up early every day to find work.  He drove from Brooklyn to White Plains, Long Island, Queens and wherever the job was to take care of his family.  No distance was too far.  Dad wasn’t lazy.  He was motivated and proactive.  He took action and continued to take action until he finally retired.  Today at 81, Dad could sleep until noon but he still wakes up with the sun to spend time in his word and start his day.  He can still be counted on to step up to the plate and make it happen.

Left No Stone Unturned
My younger brother had a great career with a great salary and wonderful benefits that allowed him to take care of his wife and five children then one day it all went away.  Every day he got up and took action.  He followed the example he saw in our dad.  He was motivated and proactive and left no stone unturned in his job search.  When nothing showed up, he humbled himself and took a job at a local bookstore.  In between all of that, he increased his learning through online courses, kept up his involvement at church, led a weekly Bible study and was active and involved in the lives of his wife and children.  Today, that season of his life is over and he is back in the work force.

Gotta Do What I Gotta Do
Scott is a gentleman I met at Whole Foods; his new office since losing his six figure paycheck.  After looking high and low and exhausting all of his efforts talking to people and networking, he needed income to take care of his life.  Since he spent so much time at Whole Foods, he decided to apply for a job.  I saw him the other day and I asked him how things are going.  He said, “Going from my career to this is not how I saw my life panning out but I gotta do what I gotta do.”  Scott has a pleasing personality, a good attitude and he bags your groceries with a smile.  He’s motivated, proactive and taking action daily to turn his situation around.  In addition to working at Whole Foods, he runs a business from home.

Step Up To The Plate
Men like my Dad, brother and Scott are the kind of men women need to look at closely.  When the going got tough, the tough got going.  The tough didn’t get lazy. The tough didn’t make excuses.  The tough didn’t wait for a handout.  The tough figured something out and made it happen.  That’s the kind of man you want; a motivated man who can be counted on to step up to the plate and make it happen no matter his salary.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.  Martin Luther King, Jr.

Something to think about…

What say you? How important is a potential mates salary? How much do you care about what he does for a living? If you’re married, how important was salary in your decision?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1.  Leave a comment below

2.  Share this post if you like it

Andrea June 29, 2013

When I first married after being with my husband since age 20 his salary and position was the furthest thing from my mind. Now that I’m nearly 30 and have gone through a few life experiences I realize that what my mate does for a living and his future goals are important to me. Income is also important to me. These two things aren’t necessarily deal breakers but they are high on the list.

Yvonne Chase June 29, 2013

Andrea,

I totally get that. I don’t care too much about what he does for a living. What I care more about is that he enjoys what he does for a living; that he’s passionate about what he does, that he likes what he does.

I also care about his motivation, action and proactive ability so that if he doesn’t like what he does for a living, he keeps a good attitude while doing it and takes action to change it instead of complaining.

Based on observation, when a man doesn’t enjoy his work, he’s a miserable man. I’ve been around men that enjoy their work and men that don’t. I’ll take the one who enjoys his work any day over the one who doesn’t.

heather June 29, 2013

I love your post! Being back on the dating market, I definitely understand valuing people for their inner selves and not their life circumstances or physical attributes.

I also think we need to know our worth as well. Understanding our value is just as important and I think it is likely something that helped your brother get thru his period of unemployment. I blogged about it here: http://exaltedpeacock.com/know-your-worth/

Thank you for posting it and happy sharefest.

Yvonne Chase June 29, 2013

Heather,

What a person does has nothing to do with who they are. A man that makes six figures is no better than a man that makes five. While salary is important, the innards are more important. Salaries are changing at the blink of an eye in today’s economy. I think its ridiculous to turn away a man because he doesn’t make six figures especially if he’s got other things going for him. .

I’ll check out your post.

Omar Liles July 6, 2013

Being that we live in a culture where a dollar is thrown alongside love and what determines who a qualified man is has relinquished because we live in such a materialistic society where their is no wisdom in determining on what a good man is. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a man that has that kind of money but bad men come from every angle-rich, middle class and poor. Women who first desire to find a man based off a dollar amount is not the answer to their problems but it may be the beginning of bigger problems.

Yvonne Chase July 24, 2013

Great point Omar…bad men come from every angle; rich, middle class and poor. Material success doesn’t automatically make him a good man.

Candace July 24, 2013

Wow! What a powerful post! Reading this is great because many women I know have the ‘love don’t pay the bills’ attitude. And I do agree with this statement to some degree, buy money should not be the driving force of why we fall in love and who we fall in love with. I think we as successful black women are looking for that guy in the movies….tall, dark, handsome and rich. In real life, you may get an okay looking guy who is a hard worker, good heart, respectful and goes the extra length to make you happy. I think we should stray away from the perfect man idea and have more realistic views of what a man is. Just because pockets are deep does not mean he is good for you or to you! Thanks for a great post!

Yvonne Chase July 24, 2013

Candace,

I couldn’t agree more. What a man does has nothing to do with who he is. He might be uber successful materially when you meet him but what happens if he loses everything? Do you still want to be with him? That’s the question people need to answer. Its about so much more than success and success is about so much more than material things.

Previous post:

Next post: