Missionary Dating Your Way To Marriage Is A Bad Idea

by Yvonne Chase on February 26, 2018

“You can’t force or mandate that someone else have the same relationship with Christ as you do. Each person’s walk is unique” was tweeted out while watching a recent episode of To Rome For Love; a show about five black women looking for love in Rome. The term missionary dating immediately came to mind.

Rooted And Grounded
Mercedes, one of the five women in the group is a Christian woman who loves Jesus and insists that the man for her love Jesus too and be rooted and grounded in that relationship. In a previous episode, she was introduced to Kwame and they hit it off with a great connection.

Organized Religion
Unfortunately, she moved on from him because he does not have a relationship with Jesus; he’s an atheist. I don’t understand why she got to know him in a romantic way in the first place.

I’m Intrigued
I remember a time when an Atheist reached out to me while online dating. My faith was included in my profile so I was a bit lost on his request. I asked him why he wanted to take me on a date then I asked him if he read my profile. His reply was, “Of course! It’s fascinating. You’re a beautiful woman and I want to get to know you better.”

Blocking Her Blessings
Back to Mercedes. At their last date, Mercedes told Kwame she was trying to convert him. When they both realized it wouldn’t work, she ended getting to know him. I agree with her decision, however, the majority disagrees. Here’s what some said on Twitter:

I feel like Mercedes is blocking her blessings at times by shutting guys down because they aren’t as religious as she is. Give them a chance and maybe they’ll come around. We have to keep an open mind when it comes to dating.

Mercedes, the faith is to be demonstrated not dictated. Remember, some plant, some water, but God gives the increase. It is not your role as a Christian to convert only to share the faith.

Messy Marriage
Keeping an open mind when dating is a must, however, if the handwriting is on the wall, we need to read it otherwise we could end up in a messy marriage. And yes, some plant, some water and God give the increase, however, this needs to happen before entering into a committed relationship.

Immature As The Day Is Long
I find it interesting that most women wouldn’t date or marry an immature man, however, when it comes to the matter of his faith, he can be as immature as the day is long and that’s okay. I don’t get it! Me personally, he needs to be walking at the same pace as me at least or ahead; definitely not behind.

Walking The Same Path
For me, and Mercedes, it’s about a relationship with Jesus Christ, not religion. I believe if it were simply about religion, she wouldn’t be single and I can definitely tell you I wouldn’t be either. I can tell you first hand how challenging it is to meet someone who is passionately pursuing Jesus and that is why I agree with this wholeheartedly:

If you’re strong in your faith, why keep entertaining men you know aren’t walking the same path?

Beyond Faith
Exactly! Why do that to yourself? That’s the point of non-negotiables; to keep you from entertaining men who aren’t walking the same path and that goes beyond faith. I’ve gone on a lot of great first dates with really nice guys who did not have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Missionary Dating
Because I am fully aware of my non-negotiables, there was no need for a second date or to get involved further. I’m not in the business of missionary dating and that is why I said no to the Atheist.

Fall Off In My Faith
If a man already has a relationship with Jesus Christ, I know it’s sincere. I don’t want him to convert for me. He might be doing so simply for the sake of the relationship and then fall off later or I might fall off in my faith while dating him and he may never convert. I say use your non-negotiables in your favor. It makes the process of sorting and screening much easier.

Don’t Compromise
In closing, I say this to you and I say it to Mercedes, if dating a man who shares your faith is important to you, don’t compromise. Say no to missionary dating. Ecclesiastes 3 talks about a time for everything under heaven. With that said, dating is not the time to convert someone to Christianity, no matter how kind, handsome and sweet he is. While I can’t force or mandate that someone else have the same relationship with Christ as I do, I can walk away if he doesn’t and so can you.

Something to think about…

What say you? What are your thoughts on missionary dating? 

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Mary Geisen February 27, 2018

I am visiting you today from the TeaandWord linkup. You share some interesting thoughts here. I was married for years and then divorced after 21 years of marriage. I did watch my sons both go through dating and found that they both were seeking women of faith. They are both married now.
Mary Geisen recently posted…Monthly Musings ~ February 2018My Profile

Becky Hastings February 27, 2018

It is so important for us to remember that it is not our job to save people. That is God’s job. We can love well and show people the way, but we can’t save. Trying to do so under the guise of dating adds a challenge we often can’t overcome.
Becky Hastings recently posted…5 Things I’m Learning This WinterMy Profile

Sue Donaldson March 1, 2018

Amen, sister! I didn’t just want a believer, but one wholly given to Jesus. Still a challenge cuz we’re all too human!
Sue Donaldson recently posted…Strength – We Need It! (We May Also Need to Go On a Women’s Retreat)My Profile

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