Mr. Wrong!

by Yvonne Chase on March 22, 2012

Stay or Go?
Last night I tuned into VH1 to watch a new reality show called Couples Therapy.  The show centers around five celebrity couples at a crossroad in their relationships.  Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist Dr. Jenn Berman and her team of therapists work with these couples over twenty one days to help them decide if they should stay or go.

I Didn’t Want to Get Married!
One of the famous couples is rapper DMX and his long suffering wife Tashera Simmons.  In a heated moment of airing out their dirty laundry and totally disrespecting her, he yelled, I didn’t want to get married.  So let me get this right, because you didn’t want to get married, you’ve decided to act like you’re single? I cringed watching them.  I felt bad for Tashera and I wondered why on earth is she still in this relationship.   There’s a BIG difference between long suffering and suffering long.  Tashera has been suffering long.   Let me give you some back story on them:

  • Married fourteen years
  • Separated six years
  • Four children together
  • He’s fathered at least six kids outside of their marriage and altogether he has ten children from six different women
  • He’s been in and out of jail for drug possession and everything else under the sun

RUN!
Does your head hurt as much as mine does after reading that? Kenny Rogers gave the best relationship advice ever when he sang, you gotta know when to hold em, fold em, walk away and run.  I’m thinking Tashera needs to put on her Nike’s and run however, she says, “I’ve never loved anyone like I live DMX.  We’re soulmates.  As I continued to watch their train wreck, I was reminded of the lyrics to Mr. Wrong, the new song by Mary J. Blige.  Check out some of the lyrics:

Me and Mr. Wrong get along so good (so good)
Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)
We got a special thing going on
Me and Mr. Wrong (mister wrong)
Even if I try, no, I never could
Give him up cause his loves like that
Ain’t no way that I’m moving on
I love my Mr. Wrong

I’d never heard this song until last night when a girlfriend shared it with me while we were discussing Tashera and the deadly mistakes we see so many black women make in relationships.  Here’s a little bit more of the song:

When he put that loving on me, I can’t think of nothing
That’ll make me walk out
I’m holding on
I love my Mr. Wrong
He be kissing and touching on me
I can’t help but love him
I must be out of my mind
For going so strong
I love my Mr. Wrong

Settle for More
I talk to a lot of women who are stuck in dysfunctional relationships and they all say the same thing, but I love him Yvonne! What about loving you? When are you going to love yourself enough to settle for more? You don’t have to settle for disrespect.  You don’t have to settle for dysfunction.  You don’t have to settle for bad behavior.  God didn’t create you for that.  He’s got someone great for you however; you will never meet him if you’re stuck on Mr. Wrong.  In order to receive your Mr. Right, you’ve got to let go of Mr. Wrong and never, ever, ever, look back.

“Choose your life’s mate carefully.  From this one decision will come ninety percent of all your happiness or misery.” –H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Something to think about!

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Pamela March 23, 2012

Great writeup. I am just getting a chance to see this show tonight. I to was appalled at DMX actions; however, his {estranged} wife is so use to his blow ups that she recognizes that she just need to allow him to get it all out & don’t say a word. She is definitely a woman that has confused what they had for what she would like for them to have again. It can happen but DMX must want to make a change and love her the way she needs to be loved.

Dysfunctional?! Let’s agree to disagree on this subject *LOL* I believe all relationships have some form of a dysfunctional aspect to it.

Again, I loved this and will stay tuned for next week viewpoint. I will also write my viewpoint about Couples Therapy on my blog this weekend. Please feel free to subscribe or stop by…

Love it!
Pamela
Still Dating My Spouse

Reply

Yvonne Chase March 23, 2012

Pamela,

Yes, every relationship does have some sort of dysfunction however, I believe theirs has gone beyond the point of humanity. I’m afraid your way of thinking is what lands some women in their grave sooner than they would’ve gotten there. First it starts with outbursts like DMX, then it elevates to physical abuse which I’m sure she’s endured and that physical abuse escalates and now you’re living in a cycle of abuse. There’s nothing acceptable about that in my book.

When you say, “She just need to allow him to get it all out & don’t say a word,” what does he need to do? He’s the man…the leader and head of their relationship. She’s supposed to just let him spit out one profanity after the next and totally disrespect her publicly because he needs to get it out? Really?

Its NEVER okay for a man to disrespect his wife in that manner…NEVER and the fact that she’s been dealing with that all of their marriage and you think its okay because according to you every relationship has some sort of dysfunction is quite baffling to me yet its the mentality I hear from a lot of women….”But I love him. He’s just having a bad day. He just needs to get it out, we’ll be okay after his outburst…” Really????

Dr. Berman says it gets better in a good way for them so I’ll be tuning in to see how it all unfolds. Thanks for your comment. Appreciate it.

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Selene March 23, 2012

Yvonne, I did see that episode and I have to say it made me feel so bad for Tashera. One thing is for sure she has truly suffered!! in more ways than one!! it’s amazing that we as women tolerate mistreatment, disrepect, anger, domestic violence and so many more negative things from men.

We have to get back to us!!! yes I said it US and I mean that as far as us loving ourselves. I remember my grandmother telling me this: “You get what you give out” she meant that in the terms that if I’m confident, if I’m sure of myself, If I love myself then I attract that type of man!! I pray for women all the time….and I do it because I will never forget where God has bought me from!!! I’ve been in bad relationships and so glad God spared my life to teach me how to love myself!!!

I plan to blog about this soon…we have to do better with understanding our self worth.

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Kristin@ Bring Pretty Back March 29, 2012

Where do I begin!? The back story … that alone is enough to make you want to grab that woman and tell her she deserves better than that! I am a big fan of marriage! But – this is no marriage . I don’t even know what to call it!
Good grief!
Have a pretty day !
Kristin

Reply

Yvonne Chase March 29, 2012

@Kristin…I agree with you 200%. That’s not a marriage at all. Thanks for reading and commenting. Come back later to see and read my thoughts on episode 2.
Have a PRETTY day! (I like that a lot.)

Reply

lexy April 18, 2012

some women want to have a ‘soulmate’ so bad that they are willing to go through mess to keep one. I feel awful for her, but I guess theres not much to be said since she wants to put up with that and she is indirectly teaching her daughters ( if she has any) that it is O.K. for a man to treat them like this when they get involved in relationships etc. I didn’t see this show ( i never know what days or channel it comes on) but I will look out for it. anyway dmx’s wife should know that hes not going to change because of anything she says or does. Only God can change people.

Reply

lexy April 18, 2012

also , can i add, dmx saying ” i never wanted to get married” should be like an alarm going off in her head!! he never wanted to get married to u, that should concern her deeply.

Reply

Yvonne Chase April 18, 2012

@Lexy…you are so right…some women do want a soul mate (whatever that is) so badly that they are willing to put up with anything. I doubt she’s given any thought to how their toxic relationship affects their children.

I will never understand any woman marrying a man who didn’t want to marry them in the first place. Go find someone else and leave him alone. It will never be a good situation because deep down inside he will always resent you and be angry at himself for what his life could’ve been absent of your presence.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. Appreciate you.

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