Married To An Unbeliever
Last week I wrote a post titled Disobedience To God Will Change The Trajectory Of Your Life. The post was about Christians marrying unbelievers. After publishing that post, I woke up one morning to a detailed email response from a reader who is a follower of Christ and knowingly married an unbeliever.
She continues to believe God for her husband’s salvation and shared her story with me in the hopes that our Lord would lead me to show mercy rather than judgment to my friend who is married to an unbeliever. Here’s my response to her:
Last year I was in a great relationship. We were heavily discussing marriage and headed in that direction. I walked away from the relationship because he’s not a Christian. God clearly revealed it to me. In addition, like King Solomon, he has an idol in his life that’s keeping him from a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Sure, I could’ve married him, however, I chose to obey God instead. I don’t regret my decision. As often as is impressed on my heart, I pray for my ex that he would come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ and surrender his life to him. I wasn’t willing to complicate my life further by disobedience.
We make our lives hard when we disobey God. I know a lot of people, too many people in difficult marriages. It breaks my heart. Much of the difficulty comes from disobedience and pressure from society to marry.
We’ve idolized marriage and made women feel like her life is not valuable and her worth is diminished if she is not married. Hence, many women are marrying anybody just to say I’m married…look at me, I’m a part of an elite club.
No judgment towards my friend, instead, a warning to those thinking about marrying an unbeliever. Each of us has a different path in life. With that said and based on the word of God, marrying an unbeliever was not the path for me and I don’t believe it is the path for any true believer in Jesus Christ.
Stepping Up To The Plate
A male Christian friend and I were talking about this very thing recently. He too notices a large number of Christian women today who are marrying unbelievers for various reasons including but not limited to Christian men not stepping up to the plate.
Make Our Own Choice
As a result, we have a host of unhappy marriages, broken homes, and divorce. I hate to say this but Christian people are not the best example of marriage when we ought to be. We have the manual with instructions on everything from who to date, how to choose a mate and who to marry yet, we lean on our own understanding and make our own choice.
Staying Was Not An Option
Let me tell you something, I don’t know any woman this side of heaven who would’ve walked away from my relationship, as a matter of fact, there were Christian women who told me to stay. Here’s the thing, once I realized he wasn’t a believer, staying was not an option.
It was an easy exit. Why? Because God told me not to marry an unbeliever. Period! Our relationship was great, however, as great as it was, I was not willing to disobey God in the most important area of my life because who I marry can turn my life into a literal hell on earth.
Front And Center
Today while reading my First 5 devotional, the title was Consistency Is Key and the devotional was about keeping God first in every decision we make. Here’s a bit from it:
When circumstances were beyond his control, like the threat of war, Jehoshaphat sought the Lord. Like Jehoshaphat, when my back is against the wall my prayer life, time in God’s Word and worship become deeper and richer.
However, in the daily decisions of life, like who his daughter should marry, Jehoshaphat depended on his own wisdom. Like Jehoshaphat when faced with decisions I think I can handle, I depend less on the Lord and more on my own wisdom.
Each day we have choices to make about relationships, schools, careers, children…the list is endless. These decisions may seem ordinary but can have an extraordinary impact on the future God wants for us. I don’t want to continue to relegate God to last place in the easy times and reposition Him to first in the hard times. He deserves to be front and center in my life every day, in every decision, and in every way.
And that is why I obeyed God. Disobeying God in this area of my life would have an extraordinary impact on the future God wants for me. In closing, I leave you with a conversation I had with my gym buddy/trainer about this matter:
Him: Did you get married?
Me: No I didn’t. I ended the relationship
Him: Ooops. Sorry.
Me: Why are you sorry?
Him: You broke up with your ex
Me: Better to break up now than divorce later.
What say you? Is there ever a good reason to marry an unbeliever? What do you say to Christian women today who are making the choice to marry an unbeliever?
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