Out With the Old
October 27, 2011 Ask Coach Yvonne

A girlfriend and I were talking the other day about her ex.  She still loves him.  He’s the best man she’s ever met.  It didn’t workout.  They’re still friends.  She’s holding on even though he’s moved on to someone new.

In her heart of hearts, she believes they were meant to be; he just can’t see it right now but he will, she says.  She accepts his calls.  She accepts his texts because according to her, they’re better than nothing.  She responds to every email and keeps a steady flow of contact.

She wonders if its something she said or something she did.  Was she too controlling? Too mean or maybe too nice? too much of a pushover.  Men don’t like pushovers she says.  She wonders if she was naïve? Not pretty enough? Too short?   She wonders…

When we talked about it, she said she’s ready to be in a relationship.  She wants to meet someone new and create something wonderful.   She’s settled in her life, happy in her career and outside ventures and she and her two children from a previous marriage that ended many moons ago are in a really happy place.  She’s tried the Internet and she’s met quite a few guys along the way.   According to her, no one makes her heart beat like her ex.  She asked what I thought and the first thing that came to mind was, a double minded man or woman is unsettled in all of his ways. 

She looked at me and said, Yvonne what on earth does that mean? Here’s what it means.  Like my lady friend, I know a ton of single women who want new relationships yet they have not made room for the new.  They are still holding on to the old hoping, wishing and praying something changes all the while hoping, wishing and praying someone new shows up.

Guess what? Someone new will not show up until you let go of the old completely. When you hold on to the old, you are telling God you are not ready for something new.  You have to make a clean break from the old and get it completely out of your system.  Then and only then will someone new arrive on the scene.

Do me a favor, stop what you’re doing right now and try to walk forward and backward at the same time.  It can’t be done can it? No.  You can’t move forward with someone new while you hold on to someone old because your head and heart are divided.  You can’t give the new person your all because you’re secretly hoping the old person returns.  It’s not fair to you and its definitely not fair to them.

Know this for sure, you can’t say hello to the present until you say goodbye to the past.  Its time to forget what lies behind and and reach forward to what lies ahead.  Let it go; its over.  It didn’t work out.  Learn the lessons.  Give yourself time to heal then get ready to experience something new.

Something to think about…

"2" Comments
  1. i love this! it is so true and i love the advice that u gave!!! it truely made me think about my situation and reevaluate what i was doing. i am so glad i got to read this! 🙂

  2. OMG!!!!! I love this! I am just like your friend, i want something new but I am holding on to my ex hoping that he will come back around. I guess i need to let go and make room for a new man that is best for me to come in. Thanx! 🙂

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