Pee In The Dating Pool Leads To Frozen Eggs

by Yvonne Chase on March 14, 2022

“I have to go back into the dating pool and I’m pretty sure there’s pee in it.” The inspiration for this post comes from that line which you can hear in an advertisement for the TV show 90-Day Fiancé that I do not watch. Last week on Twitter, there was a conversation about women freezing their eggs. The tweet read, “Most women who freeze their eggs do so for want of a partner. Why are women having such a hard time finding a husband?” Because there is lots of pee in the dating pool. The original tweet from @theeconomist says, “Tinder drove me to freeze my eggs. It’s not about putting off childbearing for careers; most women who freeze their eggs do so for want of a partner.”

Narcissists and Unsuitable Men

In addition to narcissists swimming around in the dating pool which I wrote about in my last post, there are also other types of unsuitable men who cannot handle an accomplished woman. A group of three black men on a podcast says high-earning women are less attractive. One of the men had a conversation with a woman who shared, “I got a good job, I make very good money and the only thing I need now is a man.” In reply to her comments, he said, “Who wants you? Once you (a woman) has achieved these things, you have unfortunately disqualified yourself.” Pee in the dating pool! Yikes!

pee

I would have included the video in this post were it not for the profanity because black women need to run not walk away from this type of male. Notice I said male, not man. A wise man wants a capable woman. Watching the video was scary for me because it screamed abuse. Unfortunately, some men, a lot of men want to be with a woman they can control. It’s hard to control an accomplished woman whose identity is not attached to her relationship status. Also, when a woman is dependent on a man, it makes it difficult to leave if he is an abusive narcissist. Essentially, men like this are insecure and weak.

No wonder women are freezing their eggs. I mean what woman in her right mind wants to date a man with that mindset? Also, we are living in a world where the value of marriage has declined, and that factors into the reason women are having a hard time finding a husband and also the choice to freeze their eggs. Because marriage is deemed unnecessary, many women who freeze their eggs are not thinking about a husband. They would be happy with a suitable partner while others are fine journeying the road to motherhood alone with a sperm donor. An old saying goes, “Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.”

Pee In The Dating Pool

To answer the question; why are women having such a hard time finding a husband is layered. Answers include but are not limited to men don’t want to be husbands, marriage is deemed, “Just a piece of paper”, and women are pursuing higher education, careers, and entrepreneurship. Again, we are not living in a world that encourages marriage. Living together is the norm right along with having children outside of marriage. Many women today no longer need the financial support of a man; a stark difference from thirty years ago, therefore, the decision to marry rests on the question: is it financially feasible?

pee

Giving Up and Losing Hope

While writing this post, I read an article about Karyn. She was traveling home and bemoaning her love life to her friend Grace. In a nutshell, because of her bad experiences and the pee in the dating pool, she is basically giving up and losing hope. Karyn told Grace, “I was sick of being on my own on Valentine’s. It makes you think there’s something wrong with you. I have always been a very romance-oriented person. If I’m not in a relationship, I think less of myself.” Too bad Karyn sees her self-worth through the lens of her relationship status. Thankfully, her story turned around when a stranger dropped a note in her lap that said, You’re worth more. Move on.”

Freeze Your Eggs

Unfortunately, because of all the pee in the dating pool, Karyn who is in her early twenties will probably have to freeze her eggs if she wants to have children of her own. We are living in a world of confusion when it comes to romantic relationships. Freeze your eggs they say if you want to have a baby. Yet a woman could invest thousands of dollars to freeze her eggs only to learn they are not viable. A quick Google search tells me women who use their own frozen eggs in treatment currently have an 18% success rate, which means there is no certainty of a successful pregnancy and birth.

When I look at the current state of dating, I often say we are living in the manifestation of disobedience. Marriage was and still is God’s plan for men and women. Fornication does not align with his plan yet, we are living in a society that values random sex with whosoever will. Of course, the divorce rate is dropping. It’s not dropping because couples are able to work through the ups and downs that come with marriage. It’s dropping because people are no longer meeting at the altar. For those who want to marry, meeting a suitable partner is shrouded by pee in the dating pool.

Something to think about…

What say you? Anything else to add to the conversation? 

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Lauren Renee Sparks March 14, 2022

18%! Wow that is a statistic I was unaware of. And it’s so hard for me to believe that there are so many neaderthals that wouldn’t want to be with a successful woman. I love hearing you speak up for marriage as God’s design.
Lauren Renee Sparks recently posted…Tropism and WorshipMy Profile

Yvonne Chase March 14, 2022

@Lauren,

Neanderthal is a much better choice than numbskull but there’s something about the word numbskull that I absolutely love. As long as I have breath, I will always speak up for marriage according to God’s design. It’s the only way to get the derailed train back on track.

David W March 14, 2022

I’m in my 50’s. And my guy friends and I do not, at all, understand the scene right now. To a letter, we all find strong, amazing, accomplished women as our preference. We aren’t comparing paychecks or bank accounts or Bitcoin holdings. We are looking for depth. For feminine to go alone with that strong. We are looking to court and be courted. But in healthy ways. We are looking for truth.

Case in point, a friend was dating a “woman of faith”. A leader in her church. He was being respectful of her. Keeping his hands to himself. Opening doors. Picking up the tab as much as possible. Writing daily notes or affirmation. He dropped by her place to leave a surprise. He car was there. So was another. And it turns out she was in bed with a “friend”. Her explanation, 1. He hadn’t put the moves on her. 2. They were just friends and just meeting a physical need. This story in various forms has played out in similar ways. With “strong” women adopting a much more “Sex In The City” approach rather than seeing the man who is interested and respectful as a true partner and not just a “weak nice guy”.

What I don’t understand is the culture of looking at another human and finding what is wrong with them, rather than trying to see what is right. Shallow deal breakers, like skin color, teeth whiteness, lack of being 6 pack adorned, not having perfect breasts financial status, or various other excuses not to see masculine or feminine are keeping people from finding their person.

You can’t Pee in the Dating Pool if your eyes are truly open.

Yvonne Chase March 14, 2022

You and your guy friends are the exceptions, not the rule, especially among men who gain most of their identity from money. It’s refreshing to hear a man say he is looking for depth and for feminine energy to align with masculine energy. God’s plan.

I will never forget what a male friend told me years ago. He said Yvonne, women don’t want nice guys. A guy can’t be just nice. He must be nice and something else; rich, fashionable, have swag, etc. Do I agree with him? No, however, the woman of faith proves his point. And you’re right, Sex in the City is the approach of many women.

Seeing what is right in others is a great place to start while we examine what is not right within. Is skin color a shallow deal breaker? I don’t think it is. Unfortunately, black women feel forced to date outside of the race because of black men like the ones mentioned in this post. Other black women feel better aligned with a black man who understands her reality in the world. I think it is bigger than a deal-breaker.

Joanne Viola March 19, 2022

An 18% success rate is an eye-opening statistic. I have to wonder if even in this, are women being taken advantage of? Has it just become a money maker as opposed to truly giving a woman hope in the future. Yvonne, I pray the eyes of men and women are opened to the truth of marriage, the way God intended.

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