People Who Are Easy To Lose Aren’t Worth Keeping
January 9, 2022 Narcissistic Abuse

In my last post, I wrote about walking away from a narcissistic abusive relationship. In this post, I will share what happens when you leave a narcissistic abusive relationship and specifically what happens to the people in your life. I want you to remember the title of this post: people who are easy to lose aren’t worth keeping. Undoubtedly, many things happen when a person leaves a narcissistic abusive relationship. One of the most destructive and devastating is when the narcissists and their flying monkeys create a smear campaign. 

What Is A Flying Monkey?

A flying monkey is someone that carries out abuse for the narcissist. They act on behalf of the narcissist to destroy the victim of narcissistic abuse and support the narcissist no matter what even when they know the truth. Flying monkeys could be cousins, siblings’ neighbors, pastors, or any person that the narcissist can get on their side to destroy the victim further. It is about getting as many people as possible on their side to hide who they are and what they have done. I am sharing this with you because I don’t want you to fall into their trap and be recruited to do their dirty work. If someone comes to you and tells you stories and gossip about a mutual person or someone you may not know well, beware. You could be on the path to becoming a flying monkey.

“Flying monkeys is a phrase sometimes used in popular psychology to describe people who are acting at the behest of another to control a targeted individual. It is a metaphor taken from the Wizard of Oz wherein the Wicked Witch of the West used winged monkeys to carry out evil deeds on her behalf.”


Refuse to Listen to Gossip

So, how do you avoid becoming a flying monkey? By shutting the narcissist down instantly and telling them you do not want to hear it. Refuse to listen to gossip. If you decide to listen, check the accuracy of the information by going directly to the person. For example, if someone comes to you with a story about me, come to me directly and say, “Yvonne, I heard some alarming news about you from so and so. Is any of this true? Can we talk about it?” Do not get drawn into drama and lies. A narcissist will turn anyone into a flying monkey. Some flying monkeys sign up willingly, while others have no idea they are being used. Proverbs 20:19 reminds us:

“One who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets; therefore, do not associate with a gossip.”

Proverbs 20:19

What Is A Smear Campaign?

Remember, a person who gossips repeats stories about other people, often instigating drama. Now let’s talk about a smear campaign. According to Google, the word smear means:

To damage the reputation of (someone) by false accusations. Sully, besmirch specifically: to vilify especially by secretly and maliciously spreading grave charges and imputations. Spreading unpleasant and untrue rumors.


A form of damage control used by narcissists when they become aware that they have been exposed. The sole purpose of a smear campaign is to depict the former victim as insane, bipolar, addict, alcoholic, unstable, gold digger, thief, cheater, or poor parent. It is intentional and premeditated character assassination.

Abuse Warrior

Control the Narrative

When narcissists create a smear campaign, they spread lies about you to anyone who will listen via their flying monkeys. Moreover, a smear campaign is used to control the narrative to make it look like they are the victim because they want their truth to be the prevailing script. Somehow, they are able to contact important people in your life: friends, family members, neighbors, your significant other, business associates, and sometimes even your ex and tell them all sorts of lies and stories about you. Some go as far as reaching out to your employer and even your landlord.


Playing the Victim

The mind-blowing part is that many of these people know better yet believe the lies and scandalous stories. Narcissists are very conniving and cunning. They are masters at playing the victim and piling on the drama to come across as believable. Narcissists are very creative with their lies and can convince people; some they don’t even know that you are a terrible person. Consequently, friends and associates who used to return your calls or reach out to keep in touch refuse to talk to you, People are suddenly avoiding you like the plague because the narcissist and their flying monkeys are smearing your name.

But here is the silver lining. One of the blessings of a smear campaign is that it reveals the good and bad people in your life. Obviously, it does not feel good; however, the narcissist is doing you a favor. Think about it, if someone can so quickly and easily believe heinous lies about you, was that person ever a real friend? Is that person someone you want in your life? A real friend, a true friend, someone who cares about you would reach out to you to get to the truth and let you know what’s happening.


God Sees Everything

In summary, the goal of their gross behavior is to turn everyone against you and isolate you leaving you without support. The goal is character assassination by any means necessary. But thank God for Jesus. While we can lie to every person on earth, God sees everything. For this reason, we cannot hide anything from him. He sees it all and hears it all; every lie, and every scandalous story. Know this, on the day of judgment, people will have to give an accounting for every careless or useless word they speak. Matthew 12:36.

Something to think about…

What say you? Have you ever been a victim of a smear campaign? What are your overall thoughts?

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"16" Comments
  1. I had never heard the term flying monkey. Thanks for the education!
    Lauren Renee Sparks recently posted…Top 10 Blog Posts of 2021My Profile

  2. @Lauren,

    That’s what it’s about. Education. Now that you know, hopefully, you will never willingly, or fall into the trap of being a flying monkey.
    Yvonne Chase recently posted…People Who Are Easy To Lose Aren’t Worth KeepingMy Profile

  3. I couldn’t agree with you more. A true friend would not believe heinous lies about me. Instead, they would reach out to find out what’s really going on. Flying monkeys, a term I’d never heard before sound like evil miserable people.

  4. @Trina,

    In my estimation, they are the evilest and most miserable people on the planet.
    Yvonne Chase recently posted…Walking Away From The Old And Into The NewMy Profile

  5. I’m taking it all in because some of this I never heard of, but I came across it now that i’m thinking about it. Great post!

  6. Yvonne, Thank you for sharing this information. “Flying monkey” who knew, I sure didn’t. Thank you for this blessed lesson. Blessings.
    Visiting today from Let’s Have Coffee #19&20

  7. I’ve never heard of a flying monkey but I see what you’re saying. May we all learn to be the opposite of that, and bring healing instead of division. I wish more people would be proactive in seeking out the truth when they hear something unusually off about others. It’s really painful to be on the receiving end of a smear campaign, knowing there’s really nothing you can do about it. I don’t have any true narcissists in my life that I’m aware of, thankfully, and I’m so sorry that you have. I know it’s brought you immense pain. I pray this will be a season of great healing and a new start for you.

  8. Yvonne, you have a lot of insight when it comes to dealing with abuse and abusers. I’m guessing much of this wisdom has come through walking through it. I’m sorry.

    Though I don’t think I have any narcissists in my life right now, I’m grateful for the things you’ve shared here. The terms and what they mean in relationships are important to know. What you said about gossip is spot on. I choose not to listen to it. And your suggestion to approach the person being gossiped about with what’s being said is so wise. I love your approach for how to do that too.

  9. Yes God sees everything, we can not hide from Him. @esmesalon #seniorsalonpitstop

  10. Yvonne! You are spot on. As a pastor’s wife and Branch Manager of a state office I am far to aware of having your reputation smeared and Ive ducked frim a few flying monkeys. My response to gossips is either to invite them to pray for the person with me or I instruct them to go to the person and make it right before I get to them. Lies are toxic. We have to nip it in the bud. I refuse to participate.

  11. Staying away from gossip, believing the best of people, taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ Jesus, going directly to the source if we need clarification, and choosing to love…keeps us free on the inside. And to fly like the eagle gives us a perspective that helps us soar above pettiness and refuse bitterness, so we too don’t defile others.

  12. Hey there, Yvonne. I hope this finds you well. I like it when you do these posts and keep us informed of the kinds of people we need to steer clear of and set boundaries for. And I’ve never heard this term flying monkey before, how insighful and eye-opening. Thank you for this.
    Karen Friday recently posted…Valley Promises From God HimselfMy Profile

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