In my last post, I wrote about walking away from a narcissistic abusive relationship. In this post, I will share what happens when you leave a narcissistic abusive relationship and specifically what happens to the people in your life. I want you to remember the title of this post: people who are easy to lose aren’t worth keeping. Undoubtedly, many things happen when a person leaves a narcissistic abusive relationship. One of the most destructive and devastating is when the narcissists and their flying monkeys create a smear campaign.
A flying monkey is someone that carries out abuse for the narcissist. They act on behalf of the narcissist to destroy the victim of narcissistic abuse and support the narcissist no matter what even when they know the truth. Flying monkeys could be cousins, siblings’ neighbors, pastors, or any person that the narcissist can get on their side to destroy the victim further. It is about getting as many people as possible on their side to hide who they are and what they have done. I am sharing this with you because I don’t want you to fall into their trap and be recruited to do their dirty work. If someone comes to you and tells you stories and gossip about a mutual person or someone you may not know well, beware. You could be on the path to becoming a flying monkey.
“Flying monkeys is a phrase sometimes used in popular psychology to describe people who are acting at the behest of another to control a targeted individual. It is a metaphor taken from the Wizard of Oz wherein the Wicked Witch of the West used winged monkeys to carry out evil deeds on her behalf.”Wikipedia
So, how do you avoid becoming a flying monkey? By shutting the narcissist down instantly and telling them you do not want to hear it. Refuse to listen to gossip. If you decide to listen, check the accuracy of the information by going directly to the person. For example, if someone comes to you with a story about me, come to me directly and say, “Yvonne, I heard some alarming news about you from so and so. Is any of this true? Can we talk about it?” Do not get drawn into drama and lies. A narcissist will turn anyone into a flying monkey. Some flying monkeys sign up willingly, while others have no idea they are being used. Proverbs 20:19 reminds us:
“One who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets; therefore, do not associate with a gossip.”Proverbs 20:19
Remember, a person who gossips repeats stories about other people, often instigating drama. Now let’s talk about a smear campaign. According to Google, the word smear means:
To damage the reputation of (someone) by false accusations. Sully, besmirch specifically: to vilify especially by secretly and maliciously spreading grave charges and imputations. Spreading unpleasant and untrue rumors.Google
A form of damage control used by narcissists when they become aware that they have been exposed. The sole purpose of a smear campaign is to depict the former victim as insane, bipolar, addict, alcoholic, unstable, gold digger, thief, cheater, or poor parent. It is intentional and premeditated character assassination.Abuse Warrior
When narcissists create a smear campaign, they spread lies about you to anyone who will listen via their flying monkeys. Moreover, a smear campaign is used to control the narrative to make it look like they are the victim because they want their truth to be the prevailing script. Somehow, they are able to contact important people in your life: friends, family members, neighbors, your significant other, business associates, and sometimes even your ex and tell them all sorts of lies and stories about you. Some go as far as reaching out to your employer and even your landlord.
The mind-blowing part is that many of these people know better yet believe the lies and scandalous stories. Narcissists are very conniving and cunning. They are masters at playing the victim and piling on the drama to come across as believable. Narcissists are very creative with their lies and can convince people; some they don’t even know that you are a terrible person. Consequently, friends and associates who used to return your calls or reach out to keep in touch refuse to talk to you, People are suddenly avoiding you like the plague because the narcissist and their flying monkeys are smearing your name.
But here is the silver lining. One of the blessings of a smear campaign is that it reveals the good and bad people in your life. Obviously, it does not feel good; however, the narcissist is doing you a favor. Think about it, if someone can so quickly and easily believe heinous lies about you, was that person ever a real friend? Is that person someone you want in your life? A real friend, a true friend, someone who cares about you would reach out to you to get to the truth and let you know what’s happening.
In summary, the goal of their gross behavior is to turn everyone against you and isolate you leaving you without support. The goal is character assassination by any means necessary. But thank God for Jesus. While we can lie to every person on earth, God sees everything. For this reason, we cannot hide anything from him. He sees it all and hears it all; every lie, and every scandalous story. Know this, on the day of judgment, people will have to give an accounting for every careless or useless word they speak. Matthew 12:36.
Something to think about…
What say you? Have you ever been a victim of a smear campaign? What are your overall thoughts?
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