A Spouse Is Not Needed To Reach Your Full Potential

by Yvonne Chase on June 22, 2017

Grow With And Be Better
Can you reach your full potential as a person if you never marry?” Cody, one of the husbands on the current season of Married At First Sight doesn’t think you can.  He says, “I don’t think you can fully reach your potential as a person until you find a partner who you can grow with and be better with.” Actor Hill Harper agrees with him…

Make A Relationship Work
Here’s a bit of back story on Cody and Danielle. Danielle is older than Cody and has more relationship experience. She believes she knows what it takes to make a relationship work. Just because you have more experience in an area, doesn’t mean you have what it takes. In addition, Danielle has an expectation of how a man should act based on her past experiences.

Steps Up And Takes Charge
Cody is not meeting her expectation. He’s a tad bit too slow moving and laid back for her taste. She wants someone who steps up and takes charge like the men from her past. Cody is not her past. Danielle needs to let go of her past and let Cody be. Who he is might be just what she needs to have the relationship she wants. 

Asking Far Too Much
In his book, The Meaning Of Marriage, author Timothy Keller along with his wife Kathy Heller of over thirty-seven years says, “Simply put–today, people are asking far too much in the marriage partner.” Here’s more of what he says:

Both men and women today want a marriage in which they can receive emotional and sexual satisfaction from someone who will simply let them, “be themselves.” They want a spouse who is fun, intellectually stimulating, sexually attractive, with many common interests, and who, on top of it all, is supportive of their personal goals and of the way they are living now.

And if your desire is for a spouse who will not demand a lot of change from you, then you are also looking for a spouse who is almost completely pulled together, someone very “low maintenance” without much in the way of personal problems. You are looking for someone who will not require or demand significant change. 

You are searching, therefore, for an ideal person–happy, healthy, interesting, content with life.  Never before in history has there been a society filled with people so idealistic in what they are seeking in a spouse. In generations past, there was far less talk about “compatibility” and finding the ideal mate. 

Today, we are looking for someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills our desires, and this creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both the searchers and the searched for. 

Exhaustive Laundry List
Ain’t that the truth! I talk to single people from sun up to sun down. Many have an exhaustive laundry list of how they want their person to be and how they want their relationship to look. The kicker is they are lacking much of the skill needed to create the kind of relationship they want and many definitely don’t match 1/4 of their laundry list.

Reach Our Full Potential
Nothing wrong with wanting what we want, however, if wanting what we want eliminates someone who could very well be perfectly suited for us like I believe Cody is for Danielle, then wanting what we want becomes a problem. We are all flawed human beings. None of us will ever have it all together. The best relationships will press our buttons. Having our buttons pressed is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s how we grow, evolve and reach our full potential. Here’s more of what Tim says on this matter;

When two Christians stand before the minister all decked out in their wedding finery, they realize they’re not just playing dress-up. What they’re saying is that someday they are going to be standing not before the minister but before the Lord. And they will turn to see each other without spot and blemish. And they hope to hear God say, “Well done, good and faithful servants. Over the years you have lifted one another up to me. You sacrificed for one another. You held one another up with prayer and with thanksgiving. You confronted each other. You rebuked each other. You hugged and you loved each other and continually pushed each other towards me. And now look at you, you’re radiant.”

In light of this, can we reach our full potential if we never marry?

She, Too, Reaches Her Full Potential
Absolutely but let me say this; I do understand the sentiments from Cody and Hill. Genesis 2:24 boldly says, “It’s not good for man to be alone. I will make him a suitable helper.” That suitable helper was a woman created to help him reach his full potential. As a woman helps a man reach his full potential, she too reaches her full potential. But guess what, every man will not marry and every woman will not marry. That’s just the way it is. 

Confront And Rebuke
With that said, God has the master plan for our lives. We will always reach our full potential with him on board. While we may not have a spouse to confront and rebuke us, God is fully capable of getting us to our full potential through life circumstances. While husbands and wives have each other to help them reach their full potential, both still need to rely on God, no different than a single person. God is the plug and the major key to each of us, whether single or married, reaching our full potential. With his help, I will reach my full potential. What about you?

Something to think about…

What say you? Can a man, specifically, reach his full potential if he never marries? Are we more idealistic today in what we are seeking in a spouse? Was there far less talk about compatibility and finding the right mate in generations past?

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Adrienne Terrebonne June 22, 2017

I definitely think there is much more emphasis put on finding the “perfect” spouse than in the past. Maybe this has been aided in part by social media… I have a teenager at home and am hoping to teach her to identify qualities she wants in a husband but also to identify those qualities in herself. Thanks for sharing! Visiting from #livefreeThursdays


Yvonne Chase June 24, 2017


There does seem to be more emphasis on finding the “perfect” person. I can definitely see how social media could play a role.

Great model to follow for your daughter. Identify the qualities in herself first that she wants to attract.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…A Spouse Is Not Needed To Reach Your Full PotentialMy Profile


Lisa notes June 22, 2017

I definitely think we can reach our fullest potential without a mate…look at Jesus! 🙂 Although the church is his bride, he didn’t have one while he was here on earth, and he was perfect. Having a partner does sharpen us as iron on iron, but God can work without that if he so chooses. Good food for thought here!
Lisa notes recently posted…Is Your Phone Changing You?My Profile


Yvonne Chase June 24, 2017

@Lisa Notes,

Yes indeed! Jesus is the perfect example of someone who reached his full potential as a single person. A partner will definitely sharpen us as iron sharpens iron, however, with Jesus, a single person can definitely reach his/her potential.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Faithful Are The Wounds Of A Friend Who CorrectsMy Profile


Mandy Hughes June 22, 2017

I don’t believe we need a spouse to better ourselves. I do feel that God made that special unity between man and woman to be enjoyable, but He should be our main source of contentment and purpose. Visiting you here at #TuneInThursday 🙂


Yvonne Chase June 24, 2017


Amen! God should be our main source of contentment and purpose.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Kevin Durant Moved On To Get A Ring And So Should You Single LadyMy Profile


Elise Cohen Ho June 23, 2017

Anyone has the potential to reach their full height. They do not need a spouse to make that happen. If they did it would surely be a sad state of affairs for all of the single people.
Elise Cohen Ho recently posted…What Can We Learn From Dad?My Profile


Yvonne Chase June 24, 2017


It absolutely would be a sad state of affairs for all single people if a spouse was needed to reach our full potential.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…He’s Your Son Not Your Surrogate HusbandMy Profile


Julie June 25, 2017

I think we can’t reach our full potential in our own accord without Jesus. With Him, we are a work-in-progress that will be completed in Heaven.
Great thought-provoking post!
Visiting from #FreshMarketFriday
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Yvonne Chase June 26, 2017


That’s right. We cannot reach our full potential on our own without Jesus. He has the master plan for our lives, therefore, I think it’s a good idea to walk closely with him.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Time For A Check Up; Six Months Down And Six Months To GoMy Profile


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