Sexless Marriages Are Not Pleasing To God

by Yvonne Chase on November 13, 2017

Why Are Sexless Marriages A Thing?
I’m lost. Sex has been a hot topic on the blog lately with posts like Waiting Until Marriage Does Not Guarantee A Great Sex Life and 4 Ways To Overcome Sexual Temptation Once And For All. For whatever reason, it’s a hot topic many don’t discuss yet somehow it finds itself in my ear and inbox. Why are sexless marriages a thing amongst Christians? 

Swapping Partners
We are living in a world of gross sexual perversion and immorality. People are swapping partners left and right, hopping in and out of each other’s beds while perverting the gift God gave us and we who have every right to enjoy it toss it aside? Something about that is just not right. Unfortunately, I personally know a lot of Christian couples in sexless marriages. 

Blank Stare
Couple number one only has sex twice a week even though the husband would like to have it more often. He and his wife are a young, vibrantly healthy retired couple with no children. He says his wife cuts it off at twice a week and he reluctantly goes along with it. It’s a rule she came up with that works for her. I then asked, what about what works for you and your marriage overall? A blank stare was all I got. I know a lot of women who come up with all kinds of ridiculous rules around sex in their marriage. They use sex as some sort of weapon to control their husbands. That’s not love! 

Meet Her Sexual Needs
Couple number two is a husband who flat out refuses to have sex with his wife. Nothing changed after stern Biblical counseling from their pastor who told him he is forcing his wife to cheat or satisfy herself in other ways if he refuses to meet her sexual needs. Now before you say it or think it, he’s not gay or hiding in the closet somewhere on the down low but something is not right with him. Of course, his wife would never cheat on him so she’s been in a sexless marriage forever. 

Wife Says No
Couple number three aren’t getting along at all and can’t figure it out so they’re not having sex. The husband wants to have sex, however, the wife says no and focuses all of her attention on their daughter. They’ve gone from one counselor to the next and nothing’s changed.

Divorcing At A Higher Rate
My TV was on recently on a Christian channel and the preacher talked about the tragedy of Christian married couples divorcing at a higher rate than non-Christian couples. He said we have Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit to help us yet we’re divorcing left and right. You think a sexless marriage could be the reason so many Christians are divorcing?

End Up In A Sexless Marriage
Sexless marriages are one big reason some singles choose not to marry. While sex outside of marriage is wrong and they know it, many are having great sex and don’t want to take a chance that they too, will end up in a sexless marriage. As I mentioned in this post, 1 Corinthians 7:2 gives us the parameters for sex. Marriage is the criteria that must be met if you want to have sex. How disappointing must it be for a single man or woman to marry only to end up in a sexless marriage?


Felt No Shame
The other day, an email landed in my inbox from Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk. They’ve introduced a 5-day email marriage challenge that I took the liberty of signing up a couple of my married friends. One of the daily challenges titled Gods Gift starts out with the verse in Genesis 2:25 which says, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” and continues with this:

“In previous generations, some people believed women were not supposed to enjoy sex. Even today some Christians still feel that sex between marital partners is somehow sinful or “dirty.”

But there’s nothing biblical about either viewpoint. The Lord created us as sexual beings and gave us the gift of physical intimacy as a means of expressing love between husband and wife. In the biblical account of the Garden of Eden, we are told that “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” The Bible says that before sin entered the picture, the first husband and wife were unashamed of their nakedness (Genesis 2:24-25).

Scripture also uses sexual symbolism to describe the relationship between God and man. Solomon’s Song of Songs clearly celebrates sexual pleasure between married lovers. We suggest that you set time aside to read that book together.

As designed by God, sexual desire in marriage is more than an afterthought or a means to guarantee procreation. That’s why we can wholeheartedly say, “Let’s ‘make love’ the way our God intended!”

Making Love Was A Challenge
Let the church say a rousing amen to all of that. As I write this post, my brother comes to mind. He was terribly sick in his marriage, therefore, making love was a challenge. His body was very weak and he wasn’t physically able. Kinda hard to have sex or make love with an oxygen tank attached to you 24/7.

What’s Your Excuse?
If you’re in a situation like his, I get it and my heart goes all the way out to you. That is not an easy road. If you’re not sick and you’re physically able, what’s your excuse? What’s the problem? Why is making love not a priority in your marriage? Why have you let days, weeks, months and even years go by without sex? 

Let’s Get It On
As the title of this post says, God is not pleased with sexless marriages. He gave you the gift of sex to enjoy with your spouse. Christian married couples should have the best sex lives on the planet yet many don’t. Here’s my charge to you, figure out what’s not working in your marriage, fix it and in the word’s of Marvin Gaye, “Let’s get it on!” You’re setting a bad example for singles.


Something to think about…

What say you? What do you believe is at the root of sexless marriages? Can you offer any words of encouragement to singles who are afraid of ending up in a sexless marriage? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

Just say no to sexless marriages!

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Sharon November 15, 2017

My husband and I are Christians (20+ years). I tried to talk to my Husband many times of the importance of sex in a marriage but we rarely had sex more than a couple of times a year. He always said it wasn’t me. He told me once “I don’t know if you feel like it or not so I leave it up to you”. I assume he wanted me to put our sex life on my to do list. Even 10 years leading up to that remark it was maybe 2 or 3 times a year and sometimes it would be a couple of years with nothing

. A few years ago he said that he didn’t really feel like it. As a woman with a husband who isn’t that affectionate or investing in the relationship I eventually lost the desire to have sex with him because there just wasn’t any intimacy on any level at all. We get along fine – I’m 60 next year and he’s 70. I don’t believe in divorce or else I would have left years ago. Like I said – we get along fine but we are more people who have a room mate. It’s not how I want it to be – I’d like a deep and meaningful relationship and for us to be close, but he’s not really interested in anything else other than some general chat and having someone around so he’s not alone.


Lars August 10, 2018

I think the Pastors have dropped the ball some on this one. I’m careful to be critical of them, their job is hard enough. I started doing some research on sexless marriages after I divorced for that reason. To my surprise, it is way common. Many Pastors have strained relationships with their spouse. The demands of a church can take its toll on Pastors and their spouses. Some don’t preach on it for this reason, they feel since they can’t lead by example, they can’t preach it. People can be selfish, and that will kill a marriage. You lose the right to be selfish after the vows. We don’t want to believe 1 Cor7:1-5. And the enemy is so great at splitting marriages apart, he’s winning like crazy.


John August 14, 2018

I am a Christian and a husband, we have been married for 21 years. I have frequented alot of sexless marriage sites and I keep coming across posts where women claim they are not getting enough affection from their husbands and I wanted to share what my friends and I have experienced. I took a very direct approach which worked for me to some extent, we are intimate 3-6 times a week, I would say 75% is her giving in and 25% we both are into it. My 4 other married friends took a different approach, they after getting rejected for years decided to return the favor and became cold and distant and rejected their wifes sexual advances out of spite, they use masterbation, usually multiple times in the morning so its easy to reject later that night. Their marriages could be fixed if the wife told their husband I want to have sex this Friday night, then after the deed, say I cant wait for tomorrow, then again the next day etc…. These men need to be broke of their porn habits with a loving wife. The problem is every married woman I know wants to have sex on their terms, they dont care enough about the husband they married to make an effort, I cant imagine caring about another person, friend or wife and intentionally hurting them, the deepest form of rejection in my opinion. We cant go anywhere else for sex, the only person we can make love too, sex drives that make us want sex multiple times a day and when we get the opportunity at night with the only wife god has blessed us with refuses and acts like we only want one thing, or gives a cold bitchy shoulder. I feel this pain more as a dead lay now, getting what I need but its obviously not as high on the priority list as the laundry that had to be done also shows alot about how my wife feels about me.

My friends wifes would most likely say they are not getting enough sex at home but the sole reason for that is because they only want sex on their own terms, they rejected their husband enough times that he had to take care of the itch himself. A man needs sex more than once a week and if he starts in on the masterbation workout program it becomes much harder to perform and or even want to have sex with someone they perceive doesnt want them back. The anger and resentment grows to a point of hatred, I have been there and it sucks.


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