She Wants A Baby, He Doesn’t…What Do You Do?

by Yvonne Chase on June 5, 2014

Reversing His Vasectomy
Date someone who wants what you want…that’s what you do.  That question came up on last night’s episode of Hollywood Exes.  Did you watch? Well let me give you the quick back story.  R. Kelly’s ex wife Andrea is engaged to Brian who doesn’t want anymore children.  He is focused on his singing career and got a vasectomy long before he met her to ensure he didn’t have anymore children. I’m not mad at him at all.  Clearly he knows what he wants. Andrea wants him to think about having at least one more baby and she also wants him to think about reversing his vasectomy.  She thinks its selfish that he won’t consider it meanwhile I think she’s crazy for even asking.

baby

Dying Biological Clock
His mother, Lorraine, agrees with her sons decision not to have another baby and she can’t understand why Andrea wants to have a baby.  She’s got three children from her previous marriage to R. Kelly plus she’s older, 39 to be exact with a dying biological clock.  While having dinner with his mother Andrea asked, “Wouldn’t you like to be a grandmother again?” to which Lorraine replied, “Absolutely not!” She then asked Drea, “Why do you want to have more kids?” She told her that she and Brian will need time to solidify their relationship and by the time she does that, she would be too old to have children. Lorraine recommends Andrea purchase a puppy if she needs something to nurture.

baby

Blended Family
I agree with Lorraine.  Brian had a vasectomy.  He’s not reversing it plus they’re already a blended family.  In addition, both of them are focused on their careers.  If Andrea really wants to have a baby, she shouldn’t have dated Brian in the first place.  A man with a vasectomy is telling you in no uncertain terms that he is not having anymore children.  What part of that does Andrea not understand?

Nothing Else To Talk About
Ladies, if you’re serious about having a baby, you ought to date a man who can give you that baby and wants to have a baby as much as you do.  If I were Andrea and I wanted to get married and have a baby and I met a man like Brian who had a vasectomy, we’d have nothing else to talk about.  Why would I invest my time in someone who can’t give me a return on my hearts desire?

Something to think about…

What say you? What would you do if you were in Andrea’s shoes? Would you knowingly date a man who had a vasectomy even though you want to have another baby? Do you really want to have a baby if you’re dating a man with a vasectomy? Should Brian reverse his vasectomy?

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

AwesomelyOZ June 6, 2014

Completely agree – and wtf is that bull about “solidifying” their relationship. That is the dumbest ish I’ve ever heard – it’s a child not something that guarantees you lifelong happiness and commitment as she should know being a divorcee with 3 kids. If that didn’t solidify your relationship why repeat that pattern? Great topic and have a great weekend Yvonne!! -Iva
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Yvonne Chase June 6, 2014

Iva,

She was saying once they get married, they need time to be a couple and get into the groove of marriage. That’s what she meant by solidifying their relationship. By the time they do that…she mentioned it would take about five years, Andrea would be too old to have a kid.

Whether they solidified their relationship or not, like the mother in law, I don’t understand why she wants another child. Her first husband was a singer just like her current husband to be and she was left alone to raise the kids while R Kelly was on tour. She didn’t like that and never wants that experience again.

She seems a tad bit confused. You want another kid yet you date a man with a vasectomy. You don’t want to be a married single mother again yet you’re marrying a man with the same career as your ex who is not nearly as talented as your ex and is completely focused on his music. Crazy!
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Stephanie @ CrayonMarks&TigerStripes June 7, 2014

I completely agree with you. If you know you want children and the person you are dating doesn’t want that, then don’t stick around and wait for their heart to change because it probably won’t! Marriage is work and raising children is even more work! It’s fun, rewarding and fulfilling, but its also really hard. If the woman did manage to get pregnant with a man that doesn’t want a child, then the relationship will suffer. And that is no way to raise a child. When searching for that soul mate, find someone who has the same dreams as you!

Stopping in from #sitssharefest!
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Sonya June 7, 2014

She should not have dated a man with a vasectomy is she really does want kids. Her whole story line sounds a little crazy. She should be running from singers after having an R. Kelly for an ex-husband.

Stopping by from the SITS Sharefest
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Yvonne Chase June 7, 2014

Sonya,

If I were her, I’d definitely be running from singers especially a new singer who is solely focused on getting to R Kelly status. Like I said, if I were Andrea and met Brian, we would have nothing to talk about in the relationship space.
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Yvonne Chase June 7, 2014

Amen to this: “When searching for that soul mate, find someone who has the same dreams as you!”
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Xiomara @ Parkesdale June 8, 2014

I think she should respect Brian’s decision. If she really wants to have a baby then maybe she should not be dating someone who clearly doesn’t want children.
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Yvonne Chase June 8, 2014

@Xiomara,

I think she should get her head examined. The man doesn’t want anymore children. What part of that doesn’t she understand????

P.S. I like your name.
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catherine gacad June 8, 2014

some women are so dumb. i totally agree with you. why waste your time dating someone whose priorities aren’t aligned with your own?
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Yvonne Chase June 8, 2014

@Catherine,

Exactly! Kids are a non-negotiable. If I want kids and he doesn’t, we have nothing else to discuss. Some women are so dumb! Ugh! Then they sit around with unnecessary heartache that could have been easily avoided.
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Jordan July 1, 2014

“A man with a vasectomy is telling you in no uncertain terms that he is not having anymore children. What part of that does Andrea not understand?”

I want to marry you.

Was married at 18 with and neither of us wanted kids. Had a vasectomy at 27. Divorced wife years later when she changed her mind about kids. Now at 44, I still meet women who think they can change my mind.

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Yvonne Chase July 6, 2014

Jordan,

You want to marry me? Email me and we’ll talk about it:-)

I don’t know why a woman would even waste her time trying to change a man’s mind about having kids. Even if she is successful, when life gets rough, he might just resent her for doing something he really didn’t want to do. Easier to find someone who wants a kid.
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