Too Strong To Date
Slouchy pants men is a term I was introduced to while reading an article that asked the question, Am I Too Strong To Date? The title immediately drew me in. All my life I’ve been told I’m too strong to date. As a matter of fact, there was a time when I thought I’d never meet a man to date.
Bold As A Lion
My mother was a woman of strength. She was a mover and a shaker who made things happen. She talked to anybody and wasn’t afraid to ask for whatever she wanted. If then President Obama walked into the room and she wanted to talk to him, she’d go up to him and chat him up as if he were her neighbor. She was bold as a lion.
My dad is reserved and walks with a power that makes people freeze when he walks in a room. He may not talk a lot but when he does, you listen. So I’m a mix of my mother’s boldness and my dad’s powerful presence which is a lot and why I’ve heard I’m too strong. Here’s a bit from the article:
Wilkin’s underlying message is for parents. She encourages them to raise their girls to be confident Christian women, which in turn easily and naturally helps them ward off unwanted attention and advances. Wilkin encourages girls, along with parental support, to “build a wall” — a Rapunzel-style wall of protection based on Song of Solomon 8:8-10 — to discourage a “slouchy pants” from attempting to pursue her, because “nothing [is] more terrifying than a woman who knows her worth to God and to her family.”
This kind of girl “intimidates them just fine on her own. Because you know what’s intimidating? Strength and dignity. Deep faith. Self-assuredness. Wisdom. Kindness. Humility. Industriousness.”
Some Christian men will fail to see the benefits of confident Christian women because of a misinterpretation of what it means to “lead” in a relationship. This generates a loss on both sides. Women who are a “catch” are overlooked and may feel pressure to soften their God-honoring strengths to get noticed. Men miss out on the blessing of dating and marrying a woman whose identity isn’t wrapped up in a relationship, a man or even marriage, but is fixed on Jesus Christ.
Leadership is not about the strong looking for weaker people to lead. It’s about the humble looking for those whose strengths offset their weaknesses and complement their strengths. Strong leaders surround themselves with strong people, not weak ones.”
Say that again for the men in the back. Men have told me I’m too strong to lead as if the only woman they can lead is a weak woman. One of my closest male friends and I had a recent conversation about this very thing. I sent him a text asking:
Is marriage for weak women? As I observe marriage, I notice men pick a certain type of woman. Men, not all men, seem to choose a woman that is less than them. Perhaps she’s not as smart or maybe she has a kid or maybe she’s divorced or maybe she’s young and he’s more experienced. Confident women, women who like themselves and are sure of themselves and take risks and live big lives don’t seem to do well in marriage. Seems like there’s something about a man that needs to control a woman…like he needs to keep her beneath him in some way so that he always has the upper hand. It takes a special kind of man to be with a self-assured woman. Seems like a self-assured woman may need to dumb herself down to always make him feel comfortable.
Stays In Her Lane
I asked my friend that question based on observation. As I look around at choices men make in women, I don’t see many that look like me and I don’t mean physically. There’s something about marriage that says you have to be a certain kind of woman; who stays in her lane and doesn’t make a lot of noise or waves in order for this to work long term.
Get A Spine And Grow A Pair
Perhaps we need to change the question. Maybe she’s not too strong to date. Could he be too weak? Maybe he needs to get a spine and grow a pair. Yea, I know that’s not good Christian lady talk but I had to go there for a minute. Where’s the responsibility on the man?
Ineligible To Lead You
As the writer said, “Leadership is not about the strong looking for weaker people to lead. Strong leaders surround themselves with strong people not weak ones.” If a man thinks he can’t lead you, he’s ineligible to lead you.
What say you? Have you ever been told you’re too strong to date? What was your response? Is marriage for weak women? Are slouchy pants men too weak to lead? How are you raising your daughters?
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