Sowing Your Wild Oats Is Highly Overrated

by Yvonne Chase on February 13, 2015

She Said Yes
You all know I love reality TV right? I love it because it gives me lots to write about. More times than not, I’m telling you to do the opposite of what you see on reality TV and this time is no different.  Last night on Love Thy Sister, Bakari popped the question to his girlfriend Ellen of five years and she said yes.  Ellen is divorced from NBA player Vince Carter and she is raising their daughter Kai. Bakari is an attorney and former South Carolina Congressman.

wild oats

A Lot Of Living
Here’s a little bit more about Bakari from his Wikipedia page: Bakari T. Sellers (born September 18, 1984) is a Democratic member of the South Carolina House of Representatives, representing the 90th District since 2006. He was elected in 2006 at the age of 22. He is currently the second youngest member of the South Carolina General Assembly following the election of Boyd Brown from Fairfield County in 2008. Sellers is also the first vice chairman of the South Carolina Democratic Party. Sellers has filed to run in the Democratic primary for Lieutenant Governor in 2014. He is an alumnus of Morehouse College. He is the son of Gwendolyn Sellers and civil rights activist and professor Cleveland Sellers. Rep. Sellers was named HBCU Top 30 Under 30,in July 2014.  Looks like Bakari has done a lot of living in his thirty years.  Impressive background.

wild oats

Too Young And Immature
Ruby, Ellen’s older sister is not a fan of Bakari or his relationship with Ellen.  She thinks Bakari is too young and immature.  According to her, Bakari needs to go and sow his wild oats a little bit more before settling down in marriage.  Ruby thinks Ellen needs an older more seasoned man.  Prior to the proposal, Ruby actually tried to set Ellen up with an older more seasoned gentleman and that totally backfired.

Mixed Messages
We have got to stop sending mixed messages.  We get mad when men choose to stay single and whore around.  We complain to anyone who will listen about men not marrying or taking too long to marry yet take issue when a thirty year old wants to marry.  We tell him he’s too young.  We suggest he hold off on marriage and sow his wild oats a little while longer. Why can’t he sow his oats in marriage with his wife? It’s ridiculous!

Sow His Wild Oats
Bakari seems to be an upstanding man. To me, its honorable when a man of any age (not 12) wants to commit to one woman in marriage.  Suggesting he stay single to sow his wild oats is wrong.  And by the way, age has nothing to do with maturity.  Getting older is inevitable.  Maturing as we age is an option.  I know men close to fifty years old who are extremely immature.  One particular gentleman comes to mind. His twenty-seven year old son is more mature than him.  He’s in a monogamous relationship with a lovely woman and making great strides towards a solid career meanwhile his almost fifty year old father with multiple baby mamas is still out there trying to be a player.  I don’t know about you but I’m much more impressed with a thirty year old man who’s ready to marry than a fifty year old player with multiple baby mamas still trying to see what else is out there.

Something to think about…

What say you? Is thirty too young to marry? Is there an ideal age to marry?

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Ms Passion February 13, 2015

I don’t think this man is too young to marry. He was extremely mature when he was 22, and that happens at time. I think Ellen’s sister needs to but out unless she has some real reason and evidence why they should not marry not just her ridiculous opinion.

Yvonne Chase February 13, 2015

@Ms Passion,

I agree. The man has done a lot of living. I’d say a large dose of maturity is needed to accomplish all that he has to date.

Ruby definitely needs to mind her business. You would think she had some dirt on him the way she carried on.
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AwesomelyOZ February 13, 2015

Man that was well written, I definitely agree. I think she found herself a wonderful man! What an impressive CV he has there, jeez! I love your ending statement about the thirty year old mature man versus his sappy 50 year old father trying to stay young. Aging gracefully beats trying to forcefully capture it every time. Have a great weekend Yvonne! -Iva
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Yvonne Chase February 14, 2015


I love this: “Aging gracefully beats trying to forcefully capture it every time.” Very well said!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Men Don’t Marry Smart Women Who Are Sure Of ThemselvesMy Profile

Rachel G February 14, 2015

I think it’s very sad when people discourage young people from getting married. I have some dear friends who are going on 8 years of marriage, who were married in their 20s–even all this time later, they still remember how much it hurt that so many people in their lives opposed their marriage for no other reason than the fact that they were ‘young’.
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Yvonne Chase February 14, 2015


Sorry your friends are still going through it 8 years into their marriage. Marrying young has its pros and cons. I’ve seen it work for some and I’ve seen it not work for others. I understand. Like my aunt told me 4 years ago, when you decide to marry, its your decision. You have to live with that person and no one else has to like them but you.
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