Spin Class, Forever Is A Long Time And I Salute You

by Yvonne Chase on September 9, 2019

The first time I took Kevin’s spin class, I was hooked. After the class, I saw him recording a video that led me to inquire about him. During that conversation, I learned we attend the same church.

Week after week and Wednesday after Wednesday, I cleared my schedule to make sure I was ready to spin at 7 pm. The conversations continued and got more in-depth each time. In one of those conversations, he told me he was going to propose to his girlfriend. I thought that was a bad idea based on all he shared up to this point. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t feel like I knew him well enough to insert my opinion. Plus he didn’t ask. A couple of weeks later when I saw him he told me he popped the question and she said yes. All I could think to myself was;

via GIPHY

Fast forward to the other day when our paths crossed again. He asked me to pray for him and reminded me of something in his past that’s haunting him again. We talked quite a bit and I asked him if he got married. He said, “No, not yet. We signed up for premarital class and we’re in individual counseling.” As he continued to share more details about his relationship and personal struggles, I felt pricked in my spirit to share my heart with him. I looked him square in the eyes and I said, Kevin, I don’t know you beyond spin class but I need to say something to you that might seem out of place and frankly none of my business. His reply was, you’re my sister in Christ, let me have it.

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I told him to end the relationship. It hasn’t worked. You’ve broken up, gotten back together etc and that’s just not the way to enter a marriage. We’re talking about marriage; a lifelong commitment. His eyes were locked onto me and then he said, “The pastor said the same.” He continued, “Chase, I’m scared,” to which I replied, scared of what? And he said, “I’m scared that if I end this relationship no one will love me. That I won’t find another woman to love me knowing my past and all I’ve been through.” My heart broke for him because, at that moment, Kevin, a 6ft+ muscular hunk of a man was reduced to a scared little boy. The pain in his face was palpable.

I reminded Kevin that we all have a past, yet when we come to Christ, he washes it all away and makes us new. Staying in this relationship that’s not working is a B line to a life of misery and eventually, divorce court. Don’t do it!

I don’t know why so many people think marriage is the answer to a bad relationship. The boost their self-esteem needs or the thing that will solve all their problems and make them complete and whole. If there are major issues like the ones present in his relationship, how is marriage going to fix it? Marriage is the last thing Kevin needs.

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Last week I read a blog post titled, Marriage Made In Heaven: My Story, by Donna Reidland who shares the journey that led to her current marriage of 36 years. When sharing about her previous marriages and divorce, Donna says:

And to those who say … “Well, getting a divorce worked out OK for you,” We say, “Yes, it did. And if you’re willing to go through the heartache we did to get here, to see your kids suffer and struggle the way ours did, to suffer the financial devastation divorce causes, and to live with all the other consequences we did, it might work out OK for you, too. You see we all make choices. Even as believers, we can choose to live life our own way and do what seems right to us. But choices have consequences and, even when we repent and seek His forgiveness, He doesn’t remove all those consequences.”

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You know what, I want to salute every single person who has the courage to remain single in a world that tries to make you feel like you have no reason to live. Just the other day on Twitter, one of my followers said she was being made fun of because she hasn’t been chosen. My reply was as if women are sitting around waiting to be chosen. I don’t know about her, however, I have a say in it. I get to choose too. Furthermore, the greatest man of all already chose me.

Blessed and worthy of praise be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms in Christ, just as [in His love] He chose us in Christ [actually selected us for Himself as His own] before the foundation of the world, so that we would be holy [that is, consecrated, set apart for Him, purpose-driven] and blameless in His sight.

Ephesians 1:3-4
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Image by cre8tivehome0 from Pixabay

Finding someone to marry even if that someone is not the best person for you is easy. Desperate singles who are willing to settle for less than Gods best are everywhere and you don’t have to look hard to find them. That’s why I salute every single person who has the audacity to remain single no matter how many people think something is wrong with you, or say mean things like no one wants you or you can’t even find someone to marry you. In the words of Oprah Winfrey, here’s what I know for sure; forever is a long time to be in a bad marriage. 

Something to think about…

What say you? Have you ever told anyone to end the relationship and call off the wedding? If you felt someone close to you was making a mistake by getting married, would you say something? Why? Why not?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

P.S. all names have been changed to protect the guilty.

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Veronica Lee September 9, 2019

I did advise a very close friend to call off her wedding. The person she was seeing was having a drinking problem. She cut off ties with me and went ahead with the wedding. The marriage failed as expected. I learned from the experience that when someone is set on getting married, nothing will dissuade them.

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Yvonne Chase September 10, 2019

@Veronica,

You’re absolutely right; when someone is set on getting married, nothing will dissuade them. I’m sure she wishes she’d listened to you.
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Lisa notes September 9, 2019

My daughter eventually called off her engagement with a boyfriend that we all thought was wrong for her. I was SO relieved. Because I know what you said to be true: “If there are major issues like the ones present in his relationship, how is marriage going to fix it?” Marriage will highlight the problems, not fix them. Good advice to Kevin!

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Yvonne Chase September 10, 2019

@Lisa,

I hope Kevin follows your daughter’s lead and calls off his engagement. We’re not talking trivial issues. There are major issues in his relationship that need to be resolved before marriage. If he doesn’t listen to me, I hope he listens to our premarital pastor.
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Laurie September 9, 2019

I have never told anyone to call off the wedding, although I have thought it from time to time. Maybe both parties will grow up in time. Before we were married, my husband and I argued, broke up a few times, dated other people, but wound up getting married anyway. We just celebrated our 41st anniversary. We are happily married, have a lot in common, and are each other’s best friend. It somehow, by the grace of God, worked out!
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Yvonne Chase September 10, 2019

@Laurie,

I hear you about the arguing, breaking up, dating other people and all that, however, Kevin specifically, not so much his fiance, has a lot that he needs to figure out within himself before he marries anybody. He’s got a lot going on that marriage will not fix! Also, feeling like no one else will love you if you end this relationship is a sad reason to hold on to it when everything tells you to let it go.
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Michele Morin September 10, 2019

You are a TRUE friend, Yvonne!
It takes courage to give advice on that level, but this guy really needed it, and there are so many marriages that have begun out of desperation.
Thanks for sharing the Donna Wisdom! I love her!
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Yvonne Chase September 10, 2019

@Michele,

I did for him what I’d want someone to do for me. I recall a time when I was talking to a colleague about his very close friend who was planning his wedding. No one in their group thought it was a good idea and even the soon to be groom wondered if he was doing the right thing yet no one said anything. That didn’t sit well with me at all. I thought to myself, what kind of friend are you?
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Jeanne Takenaka September 10, 2019

Yvonne, what a fabulous post! Your perspective and your wisdom are spot on. And adding on to something you shared, God showed me in my single years that “‘good enough’ never is.” Settling for someone who’s good enough simply to get out of being single will always be the worse choice. It’s always better to wait for the Lord’s timing and direction.

You were brave to share with Kevin. Good for you. I did recommend one friend not marry her unbelieving boyfriend. They chose marriage. I’m hoping they are doing well, but I suspect their relationship hasn’t been without hurdles.
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Yvonne Chase September 10, 2019

@Jeanne,

Well said; marrying to get out of being single is a terrible idea yet people do it every day.

When Kevin asked me to pray for him about this ongoing issue plus knowing the challenges of his relationship and how it’s affecting it, I couldn’t help myself.

What made it easy for me to share was when he said, “You’re my sister in Christ.” That let me know he was open to hearing my heart and he would receive it well even if he didn’t like a word I said or agree with me.
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Enda Sheppard September 11, 2019

I still wonder if Kevin pressed ahead … like others have said, it’s hard top persuade people, no matter the evidence! #DreamTeam

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Yvonne Chase September 11, 2019

@Enda,

Kevin has not pressed ahead. For that, I’m grateful. He’s taking the time to fight his demons from the past and get the individual counseling he needs to move forward in his life.
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Anita Ojeda September 11, 2019

Marriage is HARD work! We’ve been married 31 years, and every year has involved work and adjustments.
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Aryn The Libraryan September 11, 2019

I had that decision to make, twice now. The first time, when my friend told me she was getting married, she had a ‘don’t you dare question me’ look in her eyes. Whats a 20 year old to do when her 50+ friend puts her in that position? I didn’t say anything, but I was there to help her pick up the pieces a couple of months later.

The second time I had that feeling, I asked tons of gentle but specific questions. I ended up feeling better. I’m still not sure, but since they’ve been married several years, it’s been okay.

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Patsy Burnette September 12, 2019

Marriage is work. Kudos to your friend in the longterm marriage relationship! Finding the right person to marry is a blessing! Singleness provides lots of opportunity for serving the Lord that a married person may not feel they have. Both marriage and being single have their pros and cons. Following God is full of pros!

Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!

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Yvonne Chase September 12, 2019

@Patsy,

I think you misunderstood the post. There is no friend in a long term marriage relationship, however, there is a friend in a long term highly dysfunctional relationship who thinks marriage will fix that relationship and make it better. It won’t and that is why I told him to call off the engagement and end the relationship.

And yes, following God is definitely full of pros!
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Rebecca Jo September 12, 2019

It takes courage to tell someone to end a relationship… but I love that you werent the only one who told him that. That is even more eye opening when things are confirmed from more than one… Hoping this man finds the woman God intends for him & not just want to put a band aid on something to hold tight to something that’s not worth gripping onto.

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Yvonne Chase September 12, 2019

@Rebecca Jo,

When Kevin told me the pastor told him to end the relationship, that was confirmation for me that I did the right thing. Your hope and my hope for him are the same. No band-aids.

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Michelle September 14, 2019

Two thoughts. First, society has a script (marriage, a white picket fence, 2.5 kids) that it claims is the route to happiness. People want to be happy, so they try to follow the script. But it won’t work if the two people in a marriage are not compatible. People also feel pressured by time. “I’m X years old, and I’m supposed to be married already.” And if we are totally honest, this formula doesn’t make everyone happy. Secondly, you can’t look to a partner /marriage to fix whatever is ailing your self-esteem. Self-esteem is an inside job. Nothing and no one can fix it for you. I hope Kevin spares his betrothed and himself what is certainly going an even bigger ding to his self-esteem (and likely hers as well) when this marriage fails. (And two people don’t have to be divorced for a marriage to be a failure.)

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