Spouse or Sibling – Who Comes First?

by Yvonne Chase on August 13, 2013

spouseHusband Before Sister
Today while catching up on reality TV, I clicked on Tia & Tamera to watch their latest episode.  One of the segments that stood out to me was about Tamera putting her husband before her sister.

Family Comes First
Here’s the back story; Tia & Tamera were scheduled to play at a charity poker event in Vegas.  Tamera had to leave because her husband had a charity event the same evening.  At the last minute, she realized a double booking.  Tia who is also a wife and mom wasn’t necessarily thrilled at the idea of Tamera leaving and mentioned something about family comes first.  While Tamera agreed with her, she reminded Tia that she’s still her sister but her husband is her family now and he and their son come first.  In the end, Tamera left to be with her husband.  I was glad she made that decision.  I would’ve done the same.

Leaving and Cleaving
As I watched the scene play out, I thought all of it was crazy and not real.  Didn’t Tia get the email about leaving and cleaving? It made me think about my own married siblings.  I have a sister who is married.  Even though we’re not close, I never have nor would I put her in a situation that makes her feel like she has to choose between me and her spouse.  I understand her marriage comes first.  Her priority is her husband and her family.  That’s the mindset I’ve embraced with all of my married siblings.

Not At The Expense Of A Spouse
While I don’t have to make this choice now because I’m single, if I were to marry, my husband would know from the gate that he and our family come before my siblings.  That’s the way its supposed to be.  My siblings would never have the opportunity to make me choose them over my spouse.  That just wouldn’t happen.  Now does it mean I can’t spend time with my siblings or be there for them? Absolutely not!  I believe maintaining relationships with our families as long as those relationships are healthy is a great idea.

Drawing A Line In The Sand
A gentleman and I discussed this recently when he shared what he’s looking for in a mate.   One of the things he said was he wanted to know the relationship she had with her family and how much influence they had on her decisions.  He wanted a woman who knew the importance of  drawing a  line in the sand between her family and him.  In the past, he’d met women who were so close with their families and siblings that the lines were blurred and caused a lot of tension.

Never Too Early To Prepare
Singles, if you’re reading this, you might want to do a study of Genesis 2:24 and get yourself in the right head space to handle your siblings and family if and when you marry.  Its never too early to prepare.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.  Genesis 2:24

Something to think about…

What say you? Who comes first…spouse or sibling? How do you handle your family within marriage? Any recommendations for singles? Singles, have you thought about this? How would you handle it?

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

catherine gacad August 13, 2013

My husband and I have this joke. We say to each other, “I love you more than my mommy, my daddy, my sister, my nephew….” While it’s funny, it’s also very true. But my husband would never stand in the way if my parents were sick or my sister needed me, he would be at their side as well.


Catarina Miranda August 11, 2017

I’m stuck between my spouse and brother. My brother asked if my husband and I would baptize my nephew we obviously said yes and were very happy about it but come to find out there is another couple baptizing my nephew and husband doesn’t like the other person for his own personal reasons and now im forced to choose either stay with my hubby and decline or be there for nephew even if he doesn’t want to? Help!!!???


Ajay November 14, 2017

Be with your husband. Support him when there is a clash of conflicts between your husband and your brother. Your brother obviously did not respect your husband by depriving him the chance of baptizing your nephew, and so he does not deserve to be respected.

Your sis-in-law is there for your brother, you have to be there for your husband.


Inna July 18, 2018

I have been with my man for 15 years now. We have 2 children.
But now his sister showed up in our lives and is manipulating him against me. I see this and can not just stand and watch, but she is succeeding. He doubts me more and more. And I am anxious about it. I come as unstable, grumpy and mean all the time. When actually I’m lonely. My man is my best friend, I chose him for a life partner. He is the person for me. And I believed that with all my heart.
And it is crushing me to see how she is poisoning him against me and I feel helpless.
Lastly, he would tell her when going somewhere, but not me. I asked him about it and he replied, that he doesn’t have to inform me. It is enough he told his sister.
I would understand if it was another woman, but his sister? I do not know how to deal with that.


anonymous September 21, 2018

My husband always chooses his brother over me as I have gotten to see for the past 7 months my husband kisses his brother’s ass every single day, I asked brother in law for a few hours alone with my husband on our 27 anniversary , you know the fucking ass wouldn’t even give us a few hours to spend together on our anniversary but before he moved here his exact words oh I’ll help you all get more time by yourselves he has proven himself to be nothing but a fucking liar every single day I think I will leave and let my husband kiss his ass like he has for 7 fucking months


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