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Own Up And Stop Blaming Her
July 10, 2013 Marriage

blamingShe Was Crazy!
“Why did your marriage end” was the question I asked a colleague when he mentioned he’s divorced.  He emphatically answered, “Because she was crazy!” I probed a little further and asked, “Was she crazy when you met her?” And he said, “No…not at all!” The way he answered my question  told me he was possibly still not over the divorce and still mad at his ex even though lots of time had passed.  When a person is over something, I believe they ought to be able to speak about it in a calm, rational way not spaz out as if it just happened yesterday.

Huge Red Flag
In addition, his answer was a huge red flag for me because it absolved him of all responsibility and placed full blame on his ex-wife.  I don’t know about you but it would make me crazy if I was married to someone who didn’t take any responsibility and always placed blame; both behaviors he exhibited in his answer.  You can learn a lot about a person by the way they answer questions.  Pay attention.

Blame The Other Party
I shared my thought about his answer being a huge red flag with my Twitter timeline and one lady asked, “Why? Because he didn’t see any of his faults in the reason they’re divorced?” Absolutely! He made his wife solely responsible.   Another lady said, “I feel the same way.  If he is blaming her for the total fail of the relationship, I believe accountability will be minimal in the next.”  Exactly! He will continue to go from one relationship to the next and blame the other party when it ends.

There Are Always Signs
Furthermore, here’s what I believe, no one turns out to be anything.  I’m sure you’ve heard someone say, “She/he was so sweet when we were dating and all of a sudden they turned out to be the craziest person I’ve ever met.”  I don’t believe that at all.  I believe there are always signs.  How does someone all of sudden go from sweet to the craziest person you ever met and you didn’t notice? Not possible! I know some people are clever and real good at hiding but I believe most people show us who they are all the time.

Turn Out To Be Crazy
In the case of this man’s ex wife, she didn’t all of a sudden turn out to be crazy.  IF she was indeed crazy, she was crazy before they got married and he decided to ignore it, thought he could change it or thought it would go away.  Listen up ladies and gents, whoever you’re dating or engaged to now will be the same person when you get married.

Make Another Choice
Marriage is not going to magically make them sane if they’re crazy.  If they’re a slob now, they will be a slob later.  If they’re driving you crazy now, they will drive you crazier later. If they’re rude and lacking in manners, that’s who they will be later.  Can you handle it till death do you part is the question you need to answer.  If you can’t, make another choice.  People are who they are.

Something to think about…

What say you? Do you believe people are who they are? Do you believe you can marry someone one way and they surprisingly turn out to be the complete opposite? Are there always signs? Were you married to someone and they turned out be totally different?

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