Reality Rewind: Is It Okay To Text Another Woman’s Husband?

by Yvonne Chase on November 11, 2013

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Apollo Is Married – Kenya Is Not
Last night on The Real Housewives Of Atlanta, Kenya and Phaedra got into it because Kenya text Phaedra’s husband Apollo.  Kenya said she was responding to Apollo which implies he text her first.  I don’t know who text who first and to me it doesn’t matter.  What does matter is Apollo is married and Kenya is not therefore the onus is on him to set the standard and shut it down immediately.  He knows his wife is not fond of Kenya.  He knows his wife doesn’t trust Kenya or like her very much…if at all. Why entertain her?  I mean look at Kenya, would you be fond of her if you were Phaedra?

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Phaedra Should Be Mad At Both
Cynthia said it right, Kenya was wrong for sending a text to Apollo and Apollo was wrong for replying.  Phaedra should be mad at both of them not just Kenya.  The other woman, especially if she is single and stunningly beautiful like Kenya is always blamed for the extramarital affair or the text conversation and that is wrong to me.  Apollo is married.  Apollo stood at the altar.  Apollo took vows.  Kenya didn’t.  Its his responsibility to protect his wife’s heart and to make sure she never has a reason to wonder. 

He Shouldn’t Participate
Sure Kenya bears some responsibility however, the perceived inappropriate text would never have happened if Apollo didn’t participate.  An innocent text could easily be misinterpreted as it was in this case.   There are single women out here today who have no problem entertaining a married man as a matter of fact, many prefer a married man.  While I don’t believe Kenya is that kind of woman, a married man can never be too careful.

In The Presence Of His Wife
Here are my rules of engaging married men; I don’t fool with married men on any day of the week that ends in “Y.”  I don’t ever want to put myself in a situation where my good/innocent text or conversation could be evil spoken of.  There is nothing a married man needs to talk to me about or text me about that can’t be discussed in the presence of his wife; business or personal.  Furthermore, I don’t befriend a married man unless his wife is a part of the deal.  Haven’t we learned anything from Kwame Kilpatrick?

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Something to think about…

What say you? Is it okay to text another woman’s husband? Is it okay to respond to a personal text from your girlfriend’s husband? Are Kenya and Apollo both equally wrong? Should the married man know better?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1.  Leave a comment below

2.  Share this post if you like it

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Bella November 14, 2013

I don’t watch this show but from reading your post, Phaedra should not be mad at Kenya. If anything, she should be mad at her husband, Apollo. He is the one who is married and should not be texting other women, especially if the wife is not fond of the woman or even if she was, it’s still unacceptable.

I’m a single gal and I have had married men try to communicate with me via Facebook or Instant Message at work and I always decline them because I would not want my future husband communicating with someone who’s single and it’s just not the right thing to do.

Great post!

Bella @ Dateless in Dallas

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Yvonne Chase November 14, 2013

@Bella,

I agree! He shouldn’t have any contact beyond a cordial hello knowing how his wife feels about Kenya. Its disrespectful to their marriage.

Married men reach out to me all the time on social media and I always block them. I think its a bit ballsy to mention you’re a proud husband and father in your profile then send me a message asking how I’m doing and if I’m free to chat. Not gonna happen! I would grieve my soul if my future husband thought any of that was okay. Its not.

Thanks for a great comment!

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Mrs.AOK November 15, 2013

Oh no! I do not believe Kenya should’ve ever entertained a text from a married man {in the event it was he who initiated it} especially considering the circumstances. I also think Apollo is just as wrong for text back.
However Kenya is a shady lady– I could see her texting to get under Phadera’s skin.

Thanks for linking up to the Sorry, Not Sorry Social!
XOXO

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Yvonne Chase November 16, 2013

@Mrs.AOK,

You’re absolutely right. Kenya is a shady lady and Apollo knows that which is why he should’ve never entertained her. I can totally see her sending a text to get under Phaedra’s skin. Apollo is all kinds of wrong!

Thanks for stopping by!

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Kimberly H. Smith November 15, 2013

Intriguing post, Yvonne. My husband and I discussed this while we watched this episode. He and I have a lot of the same friends (male and female) because we are from a small town and have been dating since high school. I think text messages between men and women who are married to others is OK if it is as you said, “something that you would say in front of that person’s spouse”. My husband and I also discuss any texts that we get from those people with each other. It has actually been very progressive, because once upon a time (pre-marriage) we would have viewed it differently. We also often talk about how text messages can be taken out of context. Some people read messages as offensive that are meant as a joke, etc.

I love how you tied Kwame Kilpatrick into this. We lived right outside of Detroit when the whole scandal was going on. My neck hurt from shaking my head so much. Thank you for linking up to Traffic Jam Weekend.

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Yvonne Chase November 15, 2013

@Kimberly,

Every married man ought to remember Kwame Kilpatrick…just sayin!

Having similar friends helps yet even then you have to be careful. You and your hubby have the level of trust needed to have friends of the opposite sex. That’s really the only way it works. With total transparency. Beautiful!

I love linking up on you Traffic Jam Weekend!

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Kenya G. Johnson November 15, 2013

I don’t watch the show – sure hate that the bad girl has my name. Anyhoo, to answer your question, as Madea says HTTN!

I agree with you that the spouse as a mutual friend has to be part of the deal – and still none of that behind the scenes chit chatting.

Happy Traffic Jam Weekend.

Reply

Yvonne Chase November 15, 2013

Happy Traffic Jam Weekend to you too Kenya. Thanks for stopping by.

Behind the scenes chit chatting is a definite no-no.

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Rachel Cotterill November 16, 2013

I have friends who are married men, but I’m invariably friends with their wives as well. That’s not to say that there aren’t times I talk to men by themselves, though!! Whether it’s by text or facebook or in person over a cup of tea. I don’t see a problem with that, it’s friendship, not flirtation. I have friends who are male and female, married and single, gay and straight. I’m married, too, and I’m not flirting with any of them, so I would be upset if anyone had a problem with this.

I don’t know the TV series but I do know that TV producers always cut things to make the maximum amount of scandal out of any scenario. So I wouldn’t put too much into what’s shown on screen compared to what’s really in those people’s hearts…

Happy SITS Sharefest and thanks for opening the debate 🙂

Reply

Yvonne Chase November 16, 2013

@Rachel,

I’m a single woman and I have friends who are married men and I’m friendly with their wives. I take a hard stance on this because I’ve been on the receiving end of inappropriate behavior from those men.

Friend or not, men like attractive women. Technology has made it easy to flirt and connect with attractive women. Its a slippery slope that I don’t want to fall on so I steer clear.

I don’t flirt with husbands but they sure flirt with me…all the time.

Happy SITS Sharefest!

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Tracie November 16, 2013

I absolutely agree with you on all points.

Especially that Phaedra should be mad at both of them.

So often the “other woman” gets all the blame, but Apollo stood at the alter and made vows. Yes yes yes! He should be held to the highest standard in this situation.

Reply

Yvonne Chase November 16, 2013

@Tracie,

You’re absolutely right. The “other woman” gets all the blame which is why I steer clear. I don’t ever want to be blamed or perceived to be inappropriate with another woman’s husband. Apollo should definitely be held to the highest standard in this situation. He’s married and has everything to lose. Kenya…not so much.

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talitha haynes November 16, 2013

I watch the show and your right they both wrong. But, it’s clear that Kenya wants almost everything that Phaedra has. Why else would she try to steal her workout video ideal and then her man? Nene is my girl and something she said was also true… she broke the G-code.

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Yvonne Chase November 16, 2013

Hey Talitha,

See, I don’t think Kenya wants everything Phaedra has. I think Phaedra treated Kenya wrong in those workout video negotiations. She wasn’t honest. She was slick about it. Seemed like she wanted Kenya to do it for free then she tried to make Kenya look bad.

Apollo knows there’s bad blood between his wife and Kenya which is why he should never ever text her. If your mate doesn’t like your friend, its time for you to get a new friend.

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Run DMT November 16, 2013

I witnessed a friendship all apart when texting went too far between a friend’s husband. I am friends with my girlfriends but I don’t text their husbands without their knowledge of it. Most of the time the husbands turn to their wives for the answer anyway.

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Yvonne Chase November 16, 2013

That’s the best way to go. No one can ever accuse you of inappropriate behavior. Good for you!

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B November 16, 2013

Depending on the circumstance, but in general and definitely in this case, NO, it is not ok. Both of these two KNOW better, both are wrong. I do believe Phaedra should be more upset with her husband, the person with whom her vows were made. There’s always gonna be shady people looking to wreck a home, but whether you let them intrude on your happiness, that’s on you and your spouse.

Reply

Yvonne Chase November 16, 2013

@B,

And men/husbands will always play with fire. I can’t begin to tell you how many of my friends husbands have tried to cross the line with me. That’s why I take such a hard stance on this. Two particular husbands come to mind. I would be pissed off and disappointed if I had a husband who carried on the way these men do. Completely inappropriate and out of order.

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KG November 16, 2013

I don’t think its right in this situation but I will say this..
If that man is a friend of mine before the wife came around – then I’ll continue to text him because he was my friend first and I won’t let any woman come between a friendship..jealous or not!!

But if its strictly a girlfriend’s husband, then no! Unless we are in a group text together…

xoxo,
KG

Reply

Yvonne Chase November 16, 2013

@KG,

Why would you continue to text him if it makes his new wife uncomfortable? Isn’t caring about your friend caring about the feelings of his new wife? How much do you really care about your friend if you are willing to continue to text him in spite of his wife’s feelings? Can’t you get a new friend? WOW!

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Wanda November 16, 2013

I don’t really watch the show, although I think it was a reunion episode that I seen where it was mentioned about the texting. While I do believe that text messages could be innocent, I think the best practice is not to engage in conversations with married men via texts. As you said, it’s much better to do so only in the presence of their wives.

Reply

Yvonne Chase November 16, 2013

@Wanda,

Its so easy for texts to be taken out of context. I err on the side of caution especially with married people.

Reply

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