The Right Relationship Challenges You

by Yvonne Chase on August 14, 2014

Connect The Dots
Its two weeks in and the couples on Married At First Sight are settling into their new homes and daily lives as husbands and wives who met for the first time at the altar.  I really like the fact that the couples didn’t meet until the altar.  If they had, Jamie wouldn’t have chosen Doug because she wasn’t physically attracted to him. I’m sure the “connect the dots” sequence of moles on his face has something to do with it.  Now that she’s getting to know him, she really, really likes him and their marriage is progressing quite nicely even though they have yet to consummate.

Instantly Fix
Vaughn and Monet consummated the night of and now they are not getting along at all even though the experts say they have very high levels of compatibility across all measures.  I think Vaughn may be suffering from a bit of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder.) He’s only been out of the military one year.  It also seems like he may have some other sort of unresolved issue from his childhood that he thought marriage would instantly fix.

Who Needs The Drama?
If Vaughn and Monet were dating, I’m sure both of them would’ve already walked away.  Who needs the drama! When you’re married, you have to figure it out. Vaughn wants to figure it out.  He says, “I came into this because I want to be married. I’m not a quitter.”

Benefit Of Being In Relationship
My male friend and I watched tonight and we got into a great conversation about the benefit of being in relationship. Intimate relationships shine a bright light on our weaknesses and areas where we could do better and be better.  Its up to us to accept the challenge or choose to remain the same.  For example, Jason is not a romantic guy but he knows his wife wants romance so he becomes that guy.  In last week’s episode, he stepped out of his comfort zone and left handwritten romantic notes for her around the house. He felt good doing that for her. I’m sure that side of him was always there but being with Courtney forced him out of his comfort zone.

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Too Good To Be True
He did the same in the recent episode.  He’s holding back a lot of himself because of the instant attraction he and Courtney share.  He feels like it’s almost too good to be true and he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. He doesn’t want to talk about his feelings.  He’s very guarded. Courtney is getting frustrated.  He’s letting Courtney in little by little and says, “It only makes sense to do so after all, we’re married and marriage is about integrating two lives.” Smart guy! Courtney says, “It’s nice that Jason is slowly letting me in” and he says, “You’re bringing something out of me that I didn’t really want to give anybody but it feels good.” And that’s the beauty and benefit of intimate relationships. If we’re willing, we can become our best selves.

Trust Is A Choice
Courtney is willing to listen and help him unload…if he lets her.  He doesn’t have to do life alone anymore.  He’s got her and he has to trust her.  Trust is a choice.  Like Doug said, “You can’t be scared to get hurt.” Jamie is fighting the same battle. She too is afraid of getting hurt by Doug.  She married a great guy and is now a part of the family she’s always wanted.  Her biggest fear in this entire process is getting hurt yet a part of her says, “Maybe I should trust and open up and really just put myself out there and be vulnerable.”

One Leg In And One Leg Out
Good idea Jamie.  That’s the only way to be in a relationship. You can’t succeed with one leg in and one leg out.  Either you’re all in or not. So many people are afraid to get hurt and that destroys relationships.  They’re afraid to get hurt so they don’t communicate.  They won’t put themselves out there and be vulnerable.  They crawl into a shell and keep it all in and what ends up happening is they miss out on something that could be amazing.

Beauty And Benefits Of Relationships
It takes courage to spill your guts and your heart but it’s so worth it once you get to the other side.  Getting there probably won’t be easy but think about what an evolved human being you will become in the process.  The beauty and benefits of relationships far outweigh remaining the same don’t you think?

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Something to think about…

What say you? Does the beauty and benefits of intimate relationships outweigh remaining the same?

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

AwesomelyOZ August 15, 2014

I agree with that for sure! If you’re in a relationship go all in – devote yourself to it but definitely remain positive and know that no quitting is involved! Good to hear they’re making it work – that’s a scary situation to be in, letting someone else determine your fate and future and hoping they have your best intentions at heart. Yikes! Hope it works out for them, what is their divorce arrangements should any of them seriously call it quits? Have a great one Yvonne! -Iva
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Yvonne Chase August 15, 2014

@Iva,

They can divorce after the 5 week experiment. I don’t like that part of the show at all. I believe all of the couples will make it except Vaughn and Monet. They can make it if they are willing to do the work. Vaughn says he’s not a quitter so we’ll see.

Relationships require a 100% commitment. All in or all out…make your choice.
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Jennifer August 16, 2014

“Intimate relationships shine a bright light on our weaknesses and areas where we could do better and be better. Its up to us to accept the challenge or choose to remain the same.” is perfectly put. And to answer your question, yes. It’s hard to see (even for close friends and family) some of those things that could benefit from someone pointing it out. When it comes from your spouse, no matter how hurtful it might seem, it comes from a place of love and that’s what makes it easier to want to deal with it. (Stopping by from SITS Gilrs Sharefest)
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Yvonne Chase August 16, 2014

Jennifer,

Pointing out those areas is very necessary however, we need to make sure we point it out in a way that’s beneficial and not hurtful. The way we point it out makes all the difference in the world.

Thanks for stopping by Jennifer!
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D7ana August 22, 2014

I’ve never heard of this show before so this is new to me.

Commitment in a relationship is important. However, I could not imagine committing to someone I had never seen before. It isn’t just how the person looks, but their mannerisms and habits. A perfectly gorgeous person could have personal habits that would negate a laundry list of good qualities.

I wish the folks on this show the best though. People who want to be in relationships should be able to do so.
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Yvonne Chase August 25, 2014

@D7ana,

The show matches each person beyond looks. A team of 4 experts get down to the nitty gritty of what makes successful relationships go the distance and they match accordingly. They go way beyond looks.

Jamie was not attracted at all to Doug physically but now after getting past that, he’s the best thing that happened to her. I doubt he would be her husband if she met him before the altar. She would’ve definitely missed out because the experts matched them perfectly.
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