Unmarried Men Are Wimping Out By Being Commitment-Phobes

by Yvonne Chase on June 18, 2018

Unmarried Men And Marriage
Sometime last week on Instagram, rapper T.I. shared the following about unmarried men and why they don’t marry. This is the same man who said marriage is a distraction so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised he agrees with the author. Here’s why she says men don’t marry today:

Because there’s nothing in it for them. What exactly does marriage offer men today? Men know there’s a good chance they’ll lose their friends, their respect, their space, their sex life, their money and if it all goes wrong, their family, says, Helen Smith, Ph. D, author of Men On Strike. They don’t want to enter into a legal contract with someone who could effectively take half their savings, pension and property when the honeymoon period is over. Men aren’t wimping out by staying unmarried or being commitment-phobes. They’re being smart. Unlike women, men lose all sense of power after they say I do. Their masculinity dies too.

What Kind Of Woman Is She?
Okay, where do we start with this? Let me start off by telling you the woman who wrote this is married to a man. I wonder if he lost his friends, respect, space, sex and his money being married to her and if he did, what does that say about her as a woman? Like what kind of woman is she?

Gain On The Other Side
If we want to talk about loss, a woman loses her entire body when she marries and pushes out babies. While some get it back, many don’t, but look at what she and her husband gain on the other side; a family that could not happen without her body. Other women die or come close to death during childbirth. Have you read Serena Williams story about almost losing her life after giving birth to their daughter? If she didn’t know her body and tell her doctors what to do, she’d be dead.


The Comparison Game
Looking at marriage from an angle of wins and losses is foolish. Anytime we play the comparison game, we lose. For everything a man so-called loses when he marries, he gains so much more. Now I’ve seen men lose friends, respect, space, sex, money and all of the above but that was because he married a foolish woman! If you talk to that man and he’s honest, keyword honest, he’ll tell you he had to business marrying her in the first place. We can’t blame marriage for our PMS (poor mate selection.) 

Blueprint For Your Life
God created marriage, therefore, it only works when we do it his way. His way starts with a man of God who is lead and directed by the Holy Spirit. That relationship will lead him to a woman that is good for him. P.S. God knows what’s good and who is good for you better than you do because he created you and has the blueprint for your life.

Gods Plan For Sex Within Marriage
Now, when that man marries that good woman, the favor of God is now on his life. That favor causes him to gain friends and enjoy a great sex life because he married a woman who understands Gods plan for sex within marriage. In addition, his money increases because that’s the nature of a woman; she multiplies whatever you put in her hand. That’s just what we do!

She’s A Multiplier
In an interview with xoNecole, Will Catlett, star of Love Is, a new show premiering on OWN disagrees with Helen. He says, “A lot of things took off for me when I got with my wife. And sometimes men miss that point that we can’t get past a certain level because we’re not with the right woman. She can get into places that we could never get into, she can pray into things that we could never get to because she is that side. She is that part of God that you need. You know, sometimes we as men think we have to have it all together like we have to have all our ducks in a row before we approach a woman. But we forget what the raw essence of a woman is, she’s a multiplier. We can’t get to the next level as a man without linking up to that part of ourselves and that woman is the missing part.”

All The Wrong Reasons
If you’ve hung around this blog long enough, you know I go hard for marriage. I believe in it 100%. There is nothing wrong with marriage, however, there is a lot wrong with the people who marry. I’m an observer of people. Day in and day out I see people marrying for all the wrong reasons. In addition, I see people who have not taken the time to even look at what they come from and as a result, they repeat all sorts of generational curses, bad behaviors, and patterns.

He Wasn’t A Good Man
Today while writing this post, I talked with a young lady about it. She’s not married and doesn’t know if she wants to because of all she saw her Dad go through. He’s been married three times. When I asked her why; she said he wasn’t a good man. By the end of that part of our conversation, she was able to see that marriage wasn’t the problem, her father is.

You’re Being Dumb
Men, I beg you to stop believing the lies of the enemy who comes only to steal, kill and destroy the excellent plan God has for your life. Gods design for men and women is perfect. You are not being smart by staying unmarried or being commitment-phobes. You’re being dumb!

Obedience To God Is Advantageous
Unless you have the gift of singleness which means you are not at all attracted to women and there is nothing happening down below in your nether regions, the alternative to marriage is living a life of sin filled with random hookups, a possible porn addiction, babies out of wedlock and dishonoring God with your mind, body, and soul. That will never end well for you. Obedience to God is advantageous.

Something to think about…

What say you? Does an unmarried man lose when he marries? What exactly does marriage offer unmarried men today? Why should an unmarried man get married?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Karen Friday June 19, 2018

What a sad perspective! But we know Scripture says the things of God are foolishness to the world. Too bad they can’t see the good side of marriage, the way the Lord meant for it to be a blessing for a husband and wife…not a burden.


Yvonne Chase September 6, 2018


It really is too bad, however, we can’t see what’s not shown. All we see and hear about are bad marriages. I believe those who are in good marriages have a responsibility to let others see how good marriage can be.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Discipline And Dating With Kids Go Hand In HandMy Profile


Michele Morin June 21, 2018

Gladys Aylward was a missionary in the early to mid 1900’s and she prayed for God to send a single man missionary to the field because she was convinced that it was His will for her to marry. Well, no one ever came, but her faith was so strong, she concluded that God called a man to be a missionary and the guy didn’t obey.
Your post reminds me of this story!
Michele Morin recently posted…A Praying LifeMy Profile


Yvonne Chase September 6, 2018


Your comment reflects why our obedience matters. When we disobey, it disrupts God plan not only for our lives but for everyone attached to it. We must obey God.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Singleness Is Hard, Often Lonely, And UnwantedMy Profile


Debbie Kitterman June 23, 2018

Oh wow, Yvonne. I had not seen or heard about TI’s comment, and it makes me sad and frustrated that many single men think the same way. I learned a lot from your post today, thanks for sharing with truth, passion and clarity – we are neighbors over at #DancewithJesus


Koki June 25, 2018

Love, love, love this Yvonne.

Blessed ever so much by it. Especially Will’s words.

Thank you


Jay Gibson August 27, 2018

The post definitely makes some valid points but is absent of cases when there is divorce. I married twenty four years to a woman who professed to be a Christian. Sadly, my former spouse committed adultery and has remarried. I have attempted to establish relationships with other women since my divorce five years ago but I have found the women (they profess to be Christian) to be untrustworthy. I confess that I’m far from what God desires me to be and need His grace and mercy. This being said, I believe marriage will not add value to my life but will hinder me from fulfilling God’s plan for my life. I regret that my reply appears negative but I’m close to sixty and want to be a good steward of the remaining time and resources God will give to me.


Yvonne Chase September 6, 2018


Divorce definitely offers a different perspective. Sorry to hear about the unfortunate happenings in your marriage that led to divorce.

With that said, marriage will not hinder you in any way. I know your previous marriage left a bad taste in your mouth and that is totally understandable. With time, I hope that taste is washed out and replaced with something sweet.

Blessings to you…
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Who Pays On A Date Is NOT A Complicated QuestionMy Profile


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