Unmarried, Unpregnant And Unbothered

by Yvonne Chase on November 4, 2015

A Girl’s Gotta Eat
The other day while out having dinner, a gentleman approached me and started to chat me up.  He wanted to know why I didn’t have a date. My simple short answer was, I’m single.  It’s 2015 and men are still shocked that women dine alone.  A girl’s gotta eat, with or without a date. The floodgates opened and a very interesting conversation ensued.   He had LOTS of questions once I told him I’m single:

Him: Do you have kids?

Me: No

Him: Men prefer to date women with kids.

Me: Really? Why?

Him: Well, because it shows her nurturing side.  

Me: Really? How so? Because she has a kid! She could be a loser of a mother. Women are nurturing period, kids or not.  It’s how we’re built. Sure being a mother might bring that out more but it’s a part of how a woman is made. There are other ways to be nurturing outside of being a mother.

Him: I’m just telling you what a lot of men prefer.

Me: Whatever you say.

Him: Have you ever lived with a man?

Me: No, and I don’t plan to.

Him: Why?

Me: Because I don’t believe in that.  I actually think its stupid.

Him: Have you ever been married?

Me:  No

Him: You live alone?

Me:   Yes

You’re Gonna Be Single For A Long Time
In conclusion he said, “You live alone, you take care of yourself, you have no kids, you’ve never been married, you’ve never lived with a man nor will you unless you’re married, you’re a woman of faith, I never mentioned it, he said he picked it up, I confirmed it, you will no longer have sex outside of marriage, you’re very disciplined in your life…hmmm…good luck! You’re gonna be single for a long time!”

What Kind Of Women Are Men Dating?
Men say the stupidest things! Here’s what I want to know, what kind of women are men dating these days? Schlepps?!?!? So the fact that I live a disciplined life on my own and have a set of values I abide by makes me a liability? The devil is an absolute liar!!!! In her book Unpregnant Pause: Where Are The Babies?, One Woman’s Journey to Understanding Why Our Daughters Are Not Having Children, author Debbie Slevin explores the issue of unmarried, unpregnant women like yours truly.

Attractive. Self-sufficient. Funny. Talented. Single.
She asks, “Where are the babies? Where are the grandchildren? Have YOU been asking that question? I have. When I looked around the living room at my book group, made up of women I have known since our children were in grade school and we all “did” PTA together, I saw eight women with seven daughters among them. Successful young women. Attractive. Self-sufficient. Funny. Talented. Single. With their long list of accomplishments,  something was still missing. None were married. Or engaged. Or having babies, even though they had hoped this would be part of their future.  What were we going to do with our retirement if we were not becoming grandmas? What was going to happen to our girls if they did not find partners? And if they did, would their fertility last long enough to have babies the old-fashioned way?”  Here’s what Debbie wants to know, “In our desire to raise independent, accomplished women, we might have gone overboard and raised women who thought they didn’t need men. Did the tenants of the Women’s Movement actually come full circle and bite us in our well-exercised behinds?”

He Has To Be Solid
Let me say this, having a man around would be great.  Living alone sharpens that reality.  I have pictures to be hung and other man stuff that needs to be done around my place.  Thank God I know a man or two I can call to assist and if all else fails, I can hit up Angie’s List for a handyman.  Problem solved! The grandmother problem has been solved too.  Thanks to my married siblings, my mother has 17 grandchildren and one on the way.  Relationships are beautiful.  Love, between a man and a woman, is wonderful and I fully welcome it into my life, however, I haven’t met a man I want to keep around or a man who’s solid enough to stick around. He has to be solid! 

I’m Not Haunted By Being Unmarried And Childless
The conversation I had with that clown, I mean man the other day is a conversation I’ve had often and one I don’t mind having. It is what it is.  I’m single, I live alone, I have no kids, living with you before marriage is not an option, I’m a woman of strong, uncompromising Christian faith who takes great care of herself and lives a disciplined life.  If you’re looking for this kind of woman, great, you know where to find me. I’m not changing any part of who I am or relaxing my values just to get a man and neither should you.  Unlike many single women today, I’m not haunted by being unmarried and childless.  I’m unmarried, unpregnant and unbothered.  What about you?

Something to think about…

What say you? Do men prefer to date women with kids? In our desire to raise independent, accomplished women, have we gone overboard and raised women who thought they didn’t need men? Did the tenants of the Women’s Movement actually come full circle and bite us in our well-exercised behinds? Do women need men?

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Kristy as Giftie Etcetera November 7, 2015

I would be terrified if I had to date right now (in my forties), but you seem so confident!
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AwesomelyOZ November 9, 2015

Do what makes you happy and definitely always be unapologetic about it. I am a woman with a child and can definitely say it’s never a choice I regret but I haven’t seen it as an “appeal” from the men I’ve met. It is actually a turn off because of the strings attached. However, it’s all about priorities. Have a great one Yvonne! -Iva
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christine July 31, 2016

I will never understand this line of thought…thankfully. As you pointed out, simply having a child doesn’t make you nurturing or a good caregiver. We’ve all seen our share of horrible mothers and wonderfully nurturing and patient fathers.
The notion of putting the responsibility of your happiness on another person has always baffled me. Whether it’s thinking you’ll be happy when you find the right boyfriend, get engaged, get married, find a life partner, or have a child and subsequently grandchildren are all contingent upon someone else having to enter the equation. I’ve always believed that if you aren’t happy and content on your own, you can’t possibly be happy and content with others. I’ve seen numerous women end up resenting and blaming their partners, resenting parenthood, all because it didn’t fill whatever void they were hoping to fill. FILL IT YOURSELF and everything else falls into place in due course. I would rather be single forever than date someone who thought I was “unmarryable” because I’m self-reliant, independent, and happy that way. The right partner would be a bonus but they wouldn’t “complete me”- I’m complete on my own. 🙂


Yvonne Chase August 1, 2016


We speak the same language; “FILL IT YOURSELF! The right partner would be a bonus but that person wouldn’t complete me. I’m complete on my own.” Amen to your entire comment.
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