Singleness Is Hard, Often Lonely, And Unwanted

by Yvonne Chase on July 9, 2018

Lonely And Unwanted
Do you come alongside the single people in your life? That was the question posed in an article I read that charged the church and married couples to do just that; come alongside singles. Here’s a bit of what the article said:

Singleness is hard, often lonely and unwanted. When you’re married, you’re working and living in tandem. You and your spouse, though separate individuals, are living together, moving along the same path with the same goals. While God is the true source of our comfort and reliance, there is an added feeling of security in marriage that singleness does not have.

Tomatoes In A Hardware Store
How do people come up with these statements; singleness is hard, often lonely and unwanted as if marriage isn’t hard, lonely and unwanted at times? Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re lonely and just because you’re married doesn’t mean all is well. Sure, there may be an added security in marriage, however, that ultimately depends on who you’re married to. God help you if you’re married to someone who makes your life look like trying to buy tomatoes in a hardware store! Here’s more:

A single person is most likely living with one or two singles. Though they may be friends or maybe just strangers who found their way into one another’s lives via Craigslist, roommates are forced to rely on unreliable people. When you’re living with roommates to make rent and pay bills, it’s stressful and unpredictable. While a married person ideally has their spouse to fall back onto, singles must rely on autonomous individuals with their own independence and agendas. If a single person loses their job, there is no other salary to fall back on, no one else to help make ends meet. When a single person’s roommate moves out for whatever reason, there’s a gap to fill.

My Sanctuary
Living alone is great. Nothing better than putting my key in the lock, turning it and entering into my sanctuary. I don’t have to listen to anyone go on and on about their day nor do I have to take care of anyone else’s needs. With that said, everything falls on my shoulders and that’s when I realize God didn’t create me/us to do life alone.

Hiding Behind Our Phones
I do believe life can be easier with someone by my side, however, that person has to be the right person. If that isn’t a spouse, there are 7 billion people on the planet who can fill that role. Finding that person/people these days, however, is a bit challenging. Seems like many are not interested in creating authentic friendships. We’re all busy hiding behind our phones texting while being unsociable on social media. 

Purposely Reach Out
While social media is great for many things, it’s really left us more disconnected as a people who thrive off of surface phony connections that simply do not work for my soul. The writer continues:

The thing is, we were never meant to live this life alone. We often think that the solution to that is marriage or feeding singles the “contentment in God speech.” The reality is the Church is meant to come alongside each and every person, married or single, young or old, and be there for them. And this means not just saying it, but doing it. The married should purposely reach out to the singles. Enjoy their company. Invite them to things. Take them out to dinner—because we should be celebrating them just as much as a newly married couple. 

Neglects Singles
And this is something one of my single friends’ talks to me about all the time; the way the church neglects singles while elevating married couples. He says there are times he doesn’t even feel like going to church and he doesn’t go because it’s all about married people. The church is meant to come alongside each and every person and that includes singles. 

Lost In The Shuffle
I gotta tell you, I attend a big church where there is no real provision made for singles. Yes, there are over 40 ministries where one can get involved, however, it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle. Of course, there’s a Marriage Ministry that plans all kinds of wonderful events including an upcoming scavenger hunt yet there is nothing for singles.

We Are All Valuable
Thankfully, I have a spirit of get up and go plus I love being sociable in real life so for me, my life looks like a woman who is out and about meeting and greeting whoever wants to engage. I do agree with the article and believe we should absolutely be celebrating singles just as much as we celebrate newly married couples. Whether single or married, we are all valuable to the Kingdom of God and we need to know it; not only in word but also in deed. 

Something to think about…

Why do you think the church doesn’t celebrate a single person in the same way they celebrate a newly married couple? Married people, do you celebrate the single people in your life? Do you purposely reach out and invite them out? What role if any do you play in the life of single people? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Char Geletka July 10, 2018

I love your heart of contentment and resolve to look at singleness with perspective. You are a strong role model Yvonne!
Char Geletka recently posted…About Your PassionMy Profile


Michele Morin July 10, 2018

I love your heart for reaching out as an ambassador for the single people who sit in our pews and live life alongside us.
Michele Morin recently posted…Leadership Lessons from the Soul of MosesMy Profile


Amy Hagerup July 10, 2018

A great reminder to reach out to the singles in my life. Thanks.
Amy Hagerup recently posted…Four Healing Benefits of the SunMy Profile


Ann M Arena July 10, 2018

I am single. I have been widowed. I often feel ignored at church because there are so few single events and I wabt to meet a Christian man, date and possibly be married. I never want to fall into sexual immorality. I feel it does take time to get to know someone. Dating with the understanding of complete celibacy is a good thing, however, it is important thst if you think the relationship has the potential for marriage, it is important to let the person know your feelings, that “right now, we are celibate, and if we are to be married, only then will things change and I think you might be the one”….


Yvonne Chase July 11, 2018


Have you tried Internet dating? It’s a great way to open up the pool of available men. Christian men are online looking for love too. I know a few men who met their wives online. Perhaps that could be an option for you.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Bad Mouthing An Ex Can Make It Difficult To Start AnewMy Profile


Donna Reidland July 11, 2018

I’ve been reading a book about the Titus 2 mandate. The chapter I just finished talked about how the church cheats itself by not growing friendships with different age groups. How the younger women need to embrace friendships with older women and vice-versa. I think the same is true with those who are married and those who are single. Thanks for continuing to write about this.
Donna Reidland recently posted…“Mistreated? Fight Back!” July 11My Profile


Yvonne Chase July 12, 2018


I believe we are all cheating ourselves when we don’t grow friendships with different groups.

Your comment reminds me of a very wise married couple I know of. They were wise enough to form a wonderful friendship with a single woman who has become like family.

She is an excellent influence on their children who call her Auntie and their friendship is mutually beneficial. They learn so much from her and the reverse is also very true.
It’s a beautiful friendship that I get to witness from afar.

That’s the way it ought to be. Growing friendships with different age groups and with those who are not like us is just plain wise.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Creating In The Kitchen, Six Months Down, And The Way To His HeartMy Profile


Connie Rowland July 11, 2018

I think you’ve really hit on something here, Yvonne. I may be a single woman but I have been blessed with wonderful family and friends who I can go through life with. And although I would love to one day be married, I agree wholeheartedly, it needs to be the right person. The one that God has chosen for me. Until he shows up I’ll keep moving forward with what God has for me right now. Thanks for the encouraging words on singleness. Blessings!


Yvonne Chase July 11, 2018


You are indeed blessed because you have family and friends to go through life with. Like you, it definitely needs to be the right person for marriage to happen in my life. Until then, I will continue to encourage singles while moving forward with all God has for me.

Blessings to you!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…I’m Scared To Marry The Wrong Person And Live In HellMy Profile


Rebecca Jones July 11, 2018

I think the church may be missing it with singles but also in many areas, teaching God’s view of it, before people make mistakes, and giving young people the role models, so boys will know how to treat women, and women will know and expect to be treated that way, not subservient but cherish and equal in Christ.


Yvonne Chase July 11, 2018


I think you’re right. Your points are solid and spot on. Teaching Gods view of singleness is extremely important.

I love this: “Boys will know how to treat women and women will know and expect to be treated that way, not subservient but cherished and equal in Christ.” This is SO important.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Unmarried Men Are Wimping Out By Being Commitment-PhobesMy Profile


Charlie | MississippiMom July 12, 2018

I believe it is so important for the church to reach out and minister to single people – “though we are many, we are one body”! Each part has a specific purpose, and it’s important. Thank you for the reminder to be intentional about it and for sharing this post with us at Encouraging Word Wednesday this week!
Charlie | MississippiMom recently posted…Lessons from the Life of a MissionaryMy Profile


Karen Friday July 13, 2018

All good points, Yvonne. Everyone experiences loneliness or may feel lost in the shuffle at times. Yes, it is good to reach out to singles, but to keep balance and reach out to lonely, wayward souls God puts in our path. I tried to tell a single person who is obsessed with having to have a man in her life to be complete, that her perspective is wrong. She stated that there was nothing worse than not having someone. So I said, “No, there is something worse. Being with the wrong person…abusive, etc.” Your article sure resonated with me, a married woman, so I hope it reaches many.


Yvonne Chase July 13, 2018


The single person you mentioned is why I write. Unfortunately, she is not alone in her thinking. Sadly, many single people are on a hunt to find someone.

You are so right, nothing worse than being with the wrong person in a bad relationship. I know so many who were with that wrong person and are now divorced and afraid to let a new person in. Everyone suffers in divorce; not only the two people who were married but the people who will meet the divorcee in the future.

If we could just reposition our minds around singleness. It’s not the worst thing to ever happen to us.
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