by Yvonne Chase on January 22, 2010

“When people show you who they are, believe them – the first time” is one of my favorite quotes by Maya Angelou. I’d like to adapt that quote for single ladies to this: “When men show you who they are, believe them – the first time.” Many single women are dating men with the hopes that he will change and some have grander hopes that she can change him. You can’t. What you see is what you get! Instead of putting all of your energy into changing a grown man, how about walking away and setting your sights on someone more suitable. Women are amazing and we can do a lot of things but changing a man is something we can’t do and I don’t know why some of us are hell bent on thinking that we can.

If you don’t like the fact that he’s lazy; leave him alone. If he won’t go to church with you, stop trying to convince him and find someone who has a church home and is an active member. If he’s been stringing you along for a year and won’t commit, move on and find someone who can give you what you want the way you want it. We say we want one thing yet settle for another and end up torn with frustration.

You can have what you want but you must be willing to say “NO” to what you don’t want so that you are free to say “YES” to what you do want. Perhaps you’re not getting what you want because your expectations are unrealistic or you’re a bit too picky. Why does he need to be as well traveled as you are? If he has a passport and is willing to let you be his tour guide, you now have a great companion. Why does his level of education need to match yours? If he’s got a BA and you have an MA, what does it matter? There are PhD’s who will beat you upside your head and think nothing of it meanwhile dude over here with the BA will honor, cherish, respect and love you as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it but you won’t give him the time of day because he’s not educated enough. Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

Singals, I’m not suggesting in any way that you pick from the bottom of the barrel but I am suggesting that you take a good look at that list in your purse and look at each item and ask yourself why. Why is this important to me? Is this really important to me or is it more important to society, family and friends? You can’t make a man into what you want him to be or what you wished he would be. The best thing you can do is find a man that closely fits what you desire and remember that even then, he still won’t be perfect.

“What do women want? The answer most appropriate today is “everything” and that is exactly what is wrong. Women (and men) who want it all will end up with nobody to love.” Freud

Something to think about!

Anonymous January 23, 2010

Yvonne you are right on point, as usual. I love this!!! Once i got hip to this philosophy a few years ago, my life has been so much better and stress free, much less frustration. Thanks for validating this for me. – Teresa

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